joke

'ol hank pank · June 6th, 2003, 12:19 PM

2 guys were up Maine hunting Moose.

They decide to try out a female moose costume as bait.

The guy in the back saw a bull moose coming towards them as he notice they forgot their guns.

he said "Hey Burt, that moose is coming towards us, what do we do?"

Burt said "Well, I'm gonna eat some grass, you'd better brace youself".

Cam · June 14th, 2003, 11:02 AM

He hunts, I don't. Cow in plastic is so much easier. He liked it and it is making the loop throughout his crowd. Thanks for the giggle.

gtrman911 · June 14th, 2003, 11:40 AM

You may have seen some of these before......

A singer arrived at his band's rehersal space to find the bassist and the drummer rolling around on the floor, beating the living crap out of each other. The singer managed to separate them and asked: "What the holy hell is going on here?"

The bassist sputtered, "That S.O.B. played a trick on me! I hate pranks!"

"What did he do?", asked the singer?

"He detuned one of the strings on my bass!"

"And...?", asked the singer.

"That bastard won't tell me which one!"

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

What's black, crispy and hangs from the ceiling?

A drummer changing a light bulb.

********************************
How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

*************************************
How do you break a drummer's finger?

Punch him in the nose.
***********************************
A banjo player went to a Folk Festival, taking his banjo, hoping to jam. When he arrived in the car park he got nervous, and left the banjo on the back seat and went off in search of entertainment.
Around lunchtime, he'd met some other guys who
said they'd let him sit in with them so he went back to his car to get the banjo.
As he walked towards the car he could see the rear window was smashed, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he walked over and looked in, to find,

……..four more banjos!

******************************
Our bassist once left his car keys in the car... it took him three hours to get the drummer out.

********************************
A drummer, fed up with being ribbed about being a non musician, walks into the local music store, and says "I want to learn to play a musical instrument, but I donn't know what". The store owner says for him to have a look around and get some ideas.
Two hours later, the store owner sees the drummer, looking confused, and asks him how he's getting on.
"Well, I can't make up my mind between the White Accordian, and the Red Trumpet" says the drummer, the store owner replies, "Well son, I can do you a good deal on the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where is is!"

*****************************
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of three.

*****************************
what do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?

"a homeless person"

****************************
A man goes on a trip to the jungle, with a native guide. It's a very wild, non-civilized place.

As they make their way along the trail, these drums start up off in the distance. Startled, the man nervously asks, "What's that??"

The guide answers: "Drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad."

They continue on, with the jungle drums throbbing in the distance. The man is visibly upset, he's thinking about cannibals at this point.

Are you sure everything's alright?", he asks the guide.

"Oh yes--drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad."

A few hours later, the man is about to lose his mind from hearing these drums. Just then, they suddenly stop!

The guide stops in his tracks, slowly shaking his head, frowning.

The man says "What?! What?! You said if the drums stop, that's bad!! Now's what's gonna happen??"

The guide says: "Bass solo."

*********************************
BB King was due home from the road on his anniversary so for a surprise his wife had his initials tatooed on her arse, one B on each cheek.

When BB opens the front door, she bends over and lifts her skirt, yelling "surprise".

BB says "Who da heck is BoB?

*******************************
Whats the difference between a Cello and a Viola????

A Cello burns slower.....

*******************************
"Why don't drummers tell jokestiming."

*******************************
Difference between a dead snake on the road and a 'bone player: The snake was on his way to a gig

********************************
Definition of optimism: Trombone player with a pager

********************************
What does it mean when the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

The stage is level.

O- Fender · June 15th, 2003, 09:30 PM

Bad jokes? I've got a couple of oldies:

did you hear Willie Nelson is in the hospital?

he was playing on the road again.

when did Paul McCartney write Silly Love Songs?

about 1962 to the present.

Jakedog · June 17th, 2003, 01:26 AM

So the band was on the way to the gig, but there was only room for three in the cab of the pick-up truck, so the drummer had to ride in the back. Crossing a bridge, they blew a tire and went over the side. The singer, guitarist, and bassist all survived, but the drummer drowned.

He couldn't get the tailgate down!!

****************************************

So the singer shows up for rehearsal, and the guitarist says: "OK Fred, when we do the big encore tonight, I want you to sing the second verse first, skip the chorus and go straight to the bridge where I want you to modulate a half step up. Then sing the first verse twice, and modulate two steps down for the chorus, which you will sing over the top of my solo."

The singer says "man, I don't think I can do that."

The guitarist says "Why not, you did it last night!"

******************************************

Two of my favorites,
Jake

June 6th, 2003, 12:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
'ol hank pank Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Scotia NY Posts: 436	joke 2 guys were up Maine hunting Moose. They decide to try out a female moose costume as bait. The guy in the back saw a bull moose coming towards them as he notice they forgot their guns. he said "Hey Burt, that moose is coming towards us, what do we do?" Burt said "Well, I'm gonna eat some grass, you'd better brace youself". __________________ TDPRI tpyo Myster

June 14th, 2003, 11:02 AM	#2 (permalink)
Cam Tele-Holic Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 849 6 Photos	Sent it to my avid hunting buddy. He hunts, I don't. Cow in plastic is so much easier. He liked it and it is making the loop throughout his crowd. Thanks for the giggle. __________________ Relic Schmelic! Play the darn thing! Wipe it down after and put it in it's case!

June 14th, 2003, 11:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
gtrman911 Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Camelot Posts: 1,069 7 Photos	some more jokes..... You may have seen some of these before...... A singer arrived at his band's rehersal space to find the bassist and the drummer rolling around on the floor, beating the living crap out of each other. The singer managed to separate them and asked: "What the holy hell is going on here?" The bassist sputtered, "That S.O.B. played a trick on me! I hate pranks!" "What did he do?", asked the singer? "He detuned one of the strings on my bass!" "And...?", asked the singer. "That bastard won't tell me which one!" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ What's black, crispy and hangs from the ceiling? A drummer changing a light bulb. ****************************** How do you get a guitarist to turn down? Put some sheet music in front of him. ********************************* How do you break a drummer's finger? Punch him in the nose. ******************************* A banjo player went to a Folk Festival, taking his banjo, hoping to jam. When he arrived in the car park he got nervous, and left the banjo on the back seat and went off in search of entertainment. Around lunchtime, he'd met some other guys who said they'd let him sit in with them so he went back to his car to get the banjo. As he walked towards the car he could see the rear window was smashed, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he walked over and looked in, to find, ……..four more banjos! ************************** Our bassist once left his car keys in the car... it took him three hours to get the drummer out. **************************** A drummer, fed up with being ribbed about being a non musician, walks into the local music store, and says "I want to learn to play a musical instrument, but I donn't know what". The store owner says for him to have a look around and get some ideas. Two hours later, the store owner sees the drummer, looking confused, and asks him how he's getting on. "Well, I can't make up my mind between the White Accordian, and the Red Trumpet" says the drummer, the store owner replies, "Well son, I can do you a good deal on the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where is is!" ************************* What's the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of three. ************************* what do you call a bass player without a girlfriend? "a homeless person" ************************ A man goes on a trip to the jungle, with a native guide. It's a very wild, non-civilized place. As they make their way along the trail, these drums start up off in the distance. Startled, the man nervously asks, "What's that??" The guide answers: "Drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad." They continue on, with the jungle drums throbbing in the distance. The man is visibly upset, he's thinking about cannibals at this point. Are you sure everything's alright?", he asks the guide. "Oh yes--drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad." A few hours later, the man is about to lose his mind from hearing these drums. Just then, they suddenly stop! The guide stops in his tracks, slowly shaking his head, frowning. The man says "What?! What?! You said if the drums stop, that's bad!! Now's what's gonna happen??" The guide says: "Bass solo." ***************************** BB King was due home from the road on his anniversary so for a surprise his wife had his initials tatooed on her arse, one B on each cheek. When BB opens the front door, she bends over and lifts her skirt, yelling "surprise". BB says "Who da heck is BoB? *************************** Whats the difference between a Cello and a Viola???? A Cello burns slower..... *************************** "Why don't drummers tell jokestiming." *************************** Difference between a dead snake on the road and a 'bone player: The snake was on his way to a gig **************************** Definition of optimism: Trombone player with a pager **************************** What does it mean when the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? The stage is level. __________________ My opinion is worth what you paid for it.**

June 15th, 2003, 09:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
O- Fender Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 415	Bad jokes? I've got a couple of oldies: did you hear Willie Nelson is in the hospital? he was playing on the road again. when did Paul McCartney write Silly Love Songs? about 1962 to the present. __________________ "Unless you are the lead dog, the scenery doesn't change much." - Kinky Friedman "If you're married for a million years, does your wedding album go platinum?" - Steven Wright

June 17th, 2003, 01:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jakedog Friend of Leo's Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Cleveland,OH But my heart's still in TE Posts: 2,748	So the band was on the way to the gig, but there was only room for three in the cab of the pick-up truck, so the drummer had to ride in the back. Crossing a bridge, they blew a tire and went over the side. The singer, guitarist, and bassist all survived, but the drummer drowned. He couldn't get the tailgate down!! ************************************** So the singer shows up for rehearsal, and the guitarist says: "OK Fred, when we do the big encore tonight, I want you to sing the second verse first, skip the chorus and go straight to the bridge where I want you to modulate a half step up. Then sing the first verse twice, and modulate two steps down for the chorus, which you will sing over the top of my solo." The singer says "man, I don't think I can do that." The guitarist says "Why not, you did it last night!" **************************************** Two of my favorites, Jake __________________ "Them that don't know him won't like him, and them that do sometimes won't know how to take him..."