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Bad Dog Cafe Hershey's Bad Dog Cafe is our Off Topic forum -- but NO POLITICS and NO FIGHTING. NOTE: Discussion of guitars other than Tele & Strat belongs in the "Other Guitars" forum and discussion of Music belongs in the "Music to Your Ears" forum.

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Old July 29th, 2010, 10:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Open Mike Etiquette or lack thereof

My wife and I did an Open Mike at a venue we have never been to last night. She sings, I play guitar, plus I sing a bit too. It's like our 6th open Mike together in the last 3 months and we are havin' a blast together!!

We went on first. 3 songs. Did good, had lots of fun. Feeling good. Cool...done....Didn't screw up too bad...Let's relax and enjoy the other performers.

Soo.....4th guy on the list to perform gets on stage and starts his stage banter by looking over at my wife and I and begins to make some what I will call constructive criticism of my wife's singing technique in front of the whole audience.

I guess he was trying to be helpful, but it really rubbed me and my wife the wrong way!! Kinda ruined the rest of the evening for us.

Am I being too sensitive here??

In my opinion, if he wanted to offer some insights as to how HE thought she could improve some things, proper form would have been to come over and chat with us at our table, not share his criticisms with the whole audience.

I (we) am (are) not afraid of constructive criticism at all and always look for ways to improve my (our) playing and performance skills. That's part of what Open Mikes are about in my opinion....seeing what works, what doesn't work, and getting feedback, good or bad, from fellow musicians.

Other Open Mikes I have been to eveyone is very supportive and will, face to face, maybe say hey, that was really good but you know, here's a couple of things I think could improve your "schtick".

I just think this guy was way out of line. Or, again, maybe I'm just too sensitive and should get some thicker skin.

I wanted to call him on it after after his set, but "the Boss" told me to play nice, which I DID do for the rest of the evening....lots of fake smiles and cordiality with him rest of the evening when he was near us

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Old July 29th, 2010, 10:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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He was out of line to announce his opinion to a crowd at an open mic... he's not holding private lessons and you're not there for his exclusive opinion. But I guess you roll with it, don't let it mess with you too much... some people just don't know better.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The guy was wrong to do that, and probably isn't aware that he was. You should speak to him without trying to be agressive about it and let him know that, while you might appreciate feedback, that providing it while on stage in front of the whole audience, is not an effective way of encouraging anybody, it is demeaning. If you don't say anything, he will feel justified to do it to others.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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That was indeed bad form. He should have spoken to you and your wife privately.

My band has hosted open mics a number of times -- we've played at a few too -- and the best ones are those that encourage people and are supportive. If you can offer some advice to another player, or another player has advice to offer you, it should be done in that spirit and privately, not as an announcement to the crowd.

This is a pet peeve of mine -- not this specifically, but generally this notion that musicians have to tear each other down out of some kind of competitive thing. We're all in this together. It's about making music.

OK. Down from my soapbox...
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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The guy was a jerk, and you're being thin-skinned.

If the worst thing that ever happens to you at a gig is this, you'll be a lucky man.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm usually pretty relaxed but if someone had critiqued my significant other in front of an audience over a microphone, I'd have some words with them after both of our sets were over. That's pretty low and I'm sorry that happened. Its an open mic, so no, the poster isn't being thin skinned. That is supposed to be a very friendly environment.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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The guy was a jerk
period


It wasn't kool by any regard, in fact down and out cruel. I have never actually seen anyone do that at an open mic, that's a first for me...I would have walked up to the stage and quietly told him to shut up and sing if he did that to me and or my wife...

If I was there and observed it I would have told him to shut up and sing right from the bar stool !

Was he or is he some sort of local "folklore" hero ? OR does he just think he is Simon or even Bob Dylan ? Obviously he has a lot of mirrors in his home.

t

PS, he knew what he was doing...there's no room for "maybe he was trying to do nice"...
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
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If you are a seasoned musician you will have experienced all kinds of rude behavior and have learned to roll with the punches. However, these two have only been doing it a short time and open mics are for fun, there is usually little else that comes out of them. If someone says or does something demeaning to a relative beginner it is wrong. It could discourage the person from doing it again. Telling them they are thin-skinned only adds insult to injury in my opinion.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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We're all in this together. It's about making music.
We run into this in Architecture studio as well... it usually happens when someone is afraid that they may not be creative again (trying to protect their position by reducing another's). It's a false fear for those who are committed, and it only hurts everyone.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
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We opened for the Dixie Dregs in Charleston once, and I critiqued Morse's guitar tone (and gave him some pointers) for about 10 minutes to the audience before the Dregs came on.

I think everyone, including Steve, appreciated my expert opinion.

So I think what the guy did was fine.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Seasoned musicians would have invited the newcomers into the "circle" not undressed them in public. It's a sad thing that happened... Open mics are for everyone...that's what makes them fun or at least supposed to be fun...
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:38 AM   #12 (permalink)
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We opened for the Dixie Dregs in Charleston once, and I critiqued Morse's guitar tone (and gave him some pointers) for about 10 minutes to the audience before the Dregs came on.

I think everyone, including Steve, appreciated my expert opinion.

So I think what the guy did was fine.


made my day !

thanks

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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all. The guy was out of line for drawing attention to someone else's performance. Perhaps he thought doing so would distract ppl from his own performance.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
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If you are a seasoned musician you will have experienced all kinds of rude behavior and have learned to roll with the punches. However, these two have only been doing it a short time and open mics are for fun, there is usually little else that comes out of them. If someone says or does something demeaning to a relative beginner it is wrong. It could discourage the person from doing it again. Telling them they are thin-skinned only adds insult to injury in my opinion.
Well, here I go being all sensitive and "thin skinned" again, but, well, WTF.....

For the record....I've been playing guitar for over 35 years...ie: Since I was about 15....I've played lots of gigs......Nothing real steady by any means, but I've handled my share of assorted jerks at said gigs....And My wife was in one my bands for quite a few years back in the early '90's ....She knows how to handle jerks too (starting with me, but I'll save that for another thread)

I've actually been performing in front of audiences since I was 7 or 8 when my older brother and I would strap on our accordions and play Polka's and "Downtown" and "Greensleeves" and such at asst. VA hospitals and nursing homes and churches. (And sometimes even dressed in traditional Scandanavian garb!!! Good times!!)

That said, I have only discovered the joy of Open Mikes in the last few months and love the whole Open Mike vibe and LOVE being able to again get out and perform with my darlin' wife of 30 + years...

Point is, we are not beginners by any means as far as actual performing, but we sure ARE beginners to the Open Mike scene, and, well, what happened last night I (we) never saw it coming and it just plain rattled us

So....In Summary, I think we learned a ton of stuff about Open Mikes last night...we've now got a "Just wait 'til next time!!!" ATTITUDE about our next gig there ...We're not discouraged at all!!!! FN!!!! Can't wait to do it AGAIN!!


What is it Dylan said....paraphrasing...."There's No Success like Failure...."

Thanks for the responses!! Working on those callouses for next time (and I don't mean fingertips....they're plenty thick)
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
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i would say it is not only bad form at an open mic, but bad form in general. Unsolicited criticism is something that should be given very sparingly, and delicately. One on one is a must, and I would not give it until I felt like I had established at least a basic rapport with the the person/group I was going to deliver it to. I can only think of one time where I ever gave unsolicited criticism to someone I was listening to, and only then because the person was someone I considered a friend.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
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You are not being thin-skinned, that was a lousy thing to do from any angle. This guy was simply a jerk with self-esteem problems/huge ego that has a personal need to tear down others. I would venture to guess everyone else pretty much felt he was a jerk too.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 11:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I might have punched him in the nose if he decided to critique my girlfriend in front of the whole audience.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:01 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Two words: pompous @ss
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Well, I presumed newbie only because of your post, and I certainly did not mean anything more by it. You have the right attitude, so good for you.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:09 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I might have punched him in the nose if he decided to critique my girlfriend in front of the whole audience.
That's what I was trying to say politely! You got it right.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:20 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:21 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Well, I presumed newbie only because of your post, and I certainly did not mean anything more by it. You have the right attitude, so good for you.

Well, you are correct, we ARE Newbies to the Open Mike format.....Just wondering why we never got into it years ago. It is REALLY fun to do (and hardly any gear to tote!!)

Thank a bunch to you and to everyone for the encouragement!!!!!

Onward !!!
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:33 PM   #23 (permalink)
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During the recording sessions for "Tears Are Not Enough," producer David Foster commented to Neil Young that his take sounded a bit flat. Neil responed, "That's my sound, man."
In a recording session, it's quite appropriate for a producer to critique and suggest improvements. In an Open Mic, or any live setting really, no-one should be sharing their opinions of other artists, especially not sharing them with the audience.
Was there a host for this Open Mic session? Surely the host should have said something to the guy, or at least told him to get on with his own performance.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:40 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Piss poor form on his part. I'd have had a nice chat with him afterwards.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:43 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Was there a host for this Open Mic session? Surely the host should have said something to the guy, or at least told him to get on with his own performance.
Yes..There was a host. He did a good job of moving things along, tweaking the PA for each set, but then seemed to disappear during each set and would then re-appear right before the end of each set to get the next act on stage.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:46 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I've hosted jams for years. Most of my career. I also attend them quite regularly, as most of the cool ones around here are hosted by friends of mine. We're all in the same scene, have been for years, and most of us are good folks that all get along.

I have never heard of anything like you're talking about. I can tell you with absolute certainty that if that had happened to my wife with me sitting there, that dude would have found himself on the recieving end of a serious meeting. And it wouldn't have been private. I would have verbally reduced that guy to abslolute ruin right from my table, right in front of everybody.

Some people might not think that the way to handle it, but I've always said one good turn deserves another. When that guy got finished singing, and I got finished with him, it'd months, if ever, before he showed his face on a public stage again.

Treat my lady like that, and nothing is off limits. He'd need therapy when I was through dressing him down.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:47 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Nature of the beast, unfortunately. When you play out you have to deal with schmucks eventually.

I go to a regular jam on Sunday nights. One night I was getting up to play and some jerk says to me, 'Move it! I'm using that amp!' I calmly turned around and told him if he wanted to use this particular amp, he was going to have to move me. Guy blinked twice and walked over to the other side of the stage.

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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Piss poor form on his part. I'd have had a nice chat with him afterwards.
Well, like I said, my wife told me to play nice, so I did.

She may or may not say something to him at the next Open Mike if he is there. I'm going to leave it to her as his comments were directed at her and it is really her "battle" to fight...Even though, yeh, I'd sher LOVE to speak my mind to him too.

As another poster said, I think something needs to be said so he does not think it is OK to do that to anyone and so he realizes the proverbial consequences of his actions.

ie: There was a 15 year old girl there last night who was nervously performing for the first time ever in front of an audience. She did great, and I made a point of telling her so. I could see a scenario where "the jerk" decided to be "helpful" with her in the same way as he was with my wife and could have rattled her confidence and totally scared her away from any future Open Mikes. That would be a shame, because she was really, REALLY good!!
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:56 PM   #29 (permalink)
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A couple of my buddies are great guitar teachers and periodically bring in their better students to do an open mic when they think they are ready. Sometimes the kids are pretty young, and if someone pulled that in front of them, I guarantee you there would be more than a few people who would have had a little "talk" with the guy.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 12:59 PM   #30 (permalink)
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I have never heard of anything like you're talking about. I can tell you with absolute certainty that if that had happened to my wife with me sitting there, that dude would have found himself on the recieving end of a serious meeting. And it wouldn't have been private. I would have verbally reduced that guy to abslolute ruin right from my table, right in front of everybody.

Some people might not think that the way to handle it, but I've always said one good turn deserves another. When that guy got finished singing, and I got finished with him, it'd months, if ever, before he showed his face on a public stage again.

Treat my lady like that, and nothing is off limits. He'd need therapy when I was through dressing him down.
I guess I'm just an old Hippie at heart (or at least my wife is), you now, Peace and Love and turn the other cheek and all that other outdated stuff....Just didn't want to ruin the whole scene for everybody, which I think that kind of response would have done.

We decided to take the high road as they say and let Karma catch up with him

Like I said, if she wants to, my wife will "dress him down" next time we see him.....But....in PRIVATE....

Just because he was jerk does not mean we are automatically in some way "allowed" to be jerks too....I just don't buy into that kind of philosophy

To each his own
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Old July 29th, 2010, 02:36 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Hey, let me show everyone how professional and good I am by pointing out someone else's negatives. That was tacky. You're not being thin skinned. I probably would have let it slide too while being annoyed with it.

When I was hosting an open mic someone did that to someone else and I turned his mic off. I was right next to the stage at the sound board and said "sorry, I thought you were going to sing".
Everyone got four songs. When I wouldn't give one guy a fifth song he called me an open mic **** on the mic. I told him to guess how many songs he'd get next time.

My personal rules for myself only: I NEVER offer criticism. If asked I'll give my thoughts and take into account the experience of the performer. I always temper my criticism because I'm not good at giving it. Open mics are about encouragement, not discouragement.
I'm really not good with the giving criticism thing. A friend asked me recently what I thought of his bands new album. I had about ten problems with it...and I only told him one. He hasn't spoken to me in about 8 months.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 02:36 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Well, like I said, my wife told me to play nice, so I did.

She may or may not say something to him at the next Open Mike if he is there. I'm going to leave it to her as his comments were directed at her and it is really her "battle" to fight...Even though, yeh, I'd sher LOVE to speak my mind to him too.

.good!!
Silly uncalled for actions by that chap. Never come across that sort of behaviour at any of the jams I go to.

Next time he's there, ask your wife to dedicate one of her songs to him, thanking him for his valuable help. Make sure she raises her eyebrows when she does it.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 02:44 PM   #33 (permalink)
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During the recording sessions for "Tears Are Not Enough," producer David Foster commented to Neil Young that his take sounded a bit flat. Neil responed, "That's my sound, man."
In a recording session, it's quite appropriate for a producer to critique and suggest improvements. In an Open Mic, or any live setting really, no-one should be sharing their opinions of other artists, especially not sharing them with the audience.
Was there a host for this Open Mic session? Surely the host should have said something to the guy, or at least told him to get on with his own performance.
I bet that didn't anger Neil. They probably laughed. No one is harder on Neil Young than Neil Young. Besides, that's a producer. The producer of our album stopped me in a middle of a John Lennon-ish scream to say "C'mon. I know you can do that better". And I did. That wasn't the only thing he criticized me for during the recording. But I'm a big boy. I'm a professional cartoonist printed daily. Years of hate mail has toughened my skin.

But telling Young he's flat is like telling Keith Richard he's sloppy. But to me, I don't take "that take was a bit flat" or "I know you can do better than that" as criticism. I take that as honestly telling me I can do better. How is being told you can do better an insult? In a way it's a compliment.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 02:59 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Two words: pompous @ss
That's about right. If it was actually constructive criticism, it was probably meant well but had all the social skills of road kill. If you're being euphemistic then the guy's got some serious self-esteem issues and decided to take them out on you.

Reminds me of a guy I used to see at open stages and shows. I always knew when we did well because he'd come up afterwards and say, "you guys sucked!" I'd always smile sweetly at him and say, "Thank you."

Pissed him off big-time.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 03:21 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I think it just makes him look like an ass. Shake it off and move on.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 03:23 PM   #36 (permalink)
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What

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Originally Posted by Durtdog View Post
We opened for the Dixie Dregs in Charleston once, and I critiqued Morse's guitar tone (and gave him some pointers) for about 10 minutes to the audience before the Dregs came on.

I think everyone, including Steve, appreciated my expert opinion.

So I think what the guy did was fine.
did you have to say about Steve's tone? I've seen him dozens of times and don't see how he could improve his tone.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 05:15 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I think it just makes him look like an ass. Shake it off and move on.
Amen and Agreed 100%

We're shakin' and movin'....And looking forward to the next Open Mike....(And Jerk Radar will be on next time just in case....would that be JADAR??)
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Old July 29th, 2010, 05:52 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by hudpucker View Post
Piss poor form on his part. I'd have had a nice chat with him afterwards.
Which may have been followed by a nice punch in the nose.
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Old July 29th, 2010, 06:03 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I would have asked him if he did requests, and if he knew Stephen Bishop's version of "I Gave My Love a Cherry."
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Old July 29th, 2010, 06:39 PM   #40 (permalink)
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hes probably a troll on an internet forum too...theres always some "expert" out there who wants to critique everyone else...when they give their .02 worth, theyre not overcharging...
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