The Staying Positive Thread...

[furrfurrfurr]

I've been going through a string of life-changing events over the last year or so (divorce, turning 40 and a few others). Lately, I've been forcing myself to take the time to identify the positive things I do and to generally try and keep my head above water.

Which got me thinking, what do you guys/gals do to keep your chin up, so to speak?

[beep.click]

Get busy. It doesn't cure real, serious, clinical depression, but it feels a HECKUVA lot better than moping around.

[furrfurrfurr]

For the record, I'm not trying to suggest I'm standing on the ledge. Not at all.

I just thought this could be an opportunity to share the things you do to make yourself feel better.

Although I am a lifelong, die-hard Cubs fan. So, I suppose the ledge is somewhat nearby.

[maestrovert]

Hey, it could be worse Bro', you could be me !

Think about it.....

[zombywoof]

I swear this is the truth. I was going through something similar - a real nasty divorce, turning fifty, no place to live and so on. I was a wreck for a bit to the point friends were worried about me. Then I woke up one morning and it was all gone - I just felt great. I have no idea what caused it but all of a sudden it all just lifted.

These things too will pass.

[numeric]

Just focus on what I can do RIGHT now. Taking some positive action always helps to keep me cheered up. Going out with friends and having a good time interacting with people is a good way to get your mind off troubles.

[Rocks]

When I get down I grab my tele, plug into my '73 vibro champ and crank it up. It always puts a smile on my face.

[Rumble]

The psychologist who identified the "midlife crisis" didn't intend it to be viewed as a crisis at all. He would be appalled it has come to mean that. He literally meant midlife transition and nothing more. What he found was that many, if not most individuals go through a transition somewhere between the age or 40 and 55. (There's also another one around the age of 30, but that's a different story.) During this stage of life people often undergo major changes in employment status, marriage, family, focus of life, etc. This change also accompanies a change in self-perception. Essentially, people's identities are altered somewhat as they reflect on their lives and make substantial modifications.

You may not be going through this at all, but if so, it may make you feel better to know that you're not alone. I think the best thing you can do is stay busy, reflect and think about where you want to go from here, and maybe try some things you've always wanted to do. One theory has it that life tends to seem more meaningful when major changes are made every 7 years or so. That way instead of looking back and seeing a long monotonous rode that has looked the same the whole way, you see many meaningful stops along the way. See this as an opportunity to take another step forward in a different direction.

[Tim Armstrong]

When I was living in Colorado, I'd take a ride up in the Rockies, going 4-wheeling up into some cool old mining ghost towns. Here, I go down to Assateague Island and commune with the Atlantic. Nature always recharges my emotional batteries...

Cheers, Tim

[beep.click]

Originally Posted by Rumble

the "midlife crisis"... a transition somewhere between the age or 40 and 55.

Oh goodie, I still have time!!! I thought I missed it...

[RodeoTex]

I have been going through a lot of similar stuff. It is easy to sit around and mope. It took me almost 2 years to get out and start doing stuff again. I got active in my Lodge again and play golf 2-3 times a week.
There's lots of good stuff to be doing, lots of time on your hands to find new interests and further persue things you already love.
BTW, I have started building guitars again and even toyed with some amp mods but I still suck as a player.
Best of luck to ya.

[morroben]

I have these struggles constantly. Been through a divorce, constant money problems, etc. One thing is to avoid sitting around moping about it.
The biggest thing for me is to remind myself, when it's true, that I'm doing everything I can do to help my situation. If I'm having money trouble for example, all I can do is work all I can, OT when possible, avoid frivolous spending etc. If I'm doing all I can do to help my situation then it is what it is, so to speak.
When my divorce was happening I was devastated...I had a heart to heart with my Dad and he asked me if there was anything more I could have done to save the marriage. There honestly wasn't. He said that I had to insure my long term happiness and be proud of doing all I could even though it didn't work out. Wise words from Dad on that one.
Now sometimes I end up in these stressful situations because of poor decision making...then I don't hesitate to beat myself up a bit before moving on and trying to learn from the situation.

[buddywayne]

Love life and understand how short a time we are here on this planet. Wake every morning and decide to be happy. That is all we have.

[gtech]

You know what... my wife is moving out THIS weekend. She needs to take a break for a while. And that's without mentioning a few other problems I have.

Anyway, last weekend, my sister told me that she would have to pay 25$ per hour for guitar courses for her girl because after 4 years of learning violin at school, music is not offered anymore in her new school. My sister joked about hiring me to teach her girl guitar, but I didn't answer positively.

The day after, I took a guitar with me and showed my niece a few basic chords on the guitar and some theory. I also left her my guitar so she can practice. But back home, I pushed myself and decided it would be crazy to have her pay for something I can give free. So I called my sister to tell her the good news.

Later, my niece called me, and with a lot of emotion, thanked me and said that she really loved me, a lot. I realized it was worth many pills to have someone call and say that she loves you. I don't remember the last time it happened...

Well, since then, I started practicing more than ever. Before that, I didn't feel like practicing at all. That's the kind of magic needed in those moments.

Oh, and I have a cat who loves me a lot too. She's my girl....



This could keep me busy for a while.

[JayFreddy]

Originally Posted by gtech

Later, my niece called me, and with a lot of emotion, thanked me and said that she really loved me, a lot... Oh, and I have a cat who loves me a lot too. She's my girl...

Yup, kids and animals can really help you focus on what's important.

I recommend a visit to your local rescue shelter. Sounds like you need a dog, and I bet there's an awesome dog there that needs you too. A good dog is never a bad investment, IMHO.

Walking in the woods, the park, or on the beach is good too, but a dog that needs daily exercise will help get you out there, even if you wouldn't normally do it on your own.

[furrfurrfurr]

Originally Posted by JayFreddy

Yup, kids and animals can really help you focus on what's important.

I recommend a visit to your local rescue shelter. Sounds like you need a dog, and I bet there's an awesome dog there that needs you too. A good dog is never a bad investment, IMHO.

Walking in the woods, the park, or on the beach is good too, but a dog that needs daily exercise will help get you out there, even if you wouldn't normally do it on your own.

Thanks for the replies.

Actually, I'm good on the animal front, right now. I have a 17 year old cat who is the all-time greatest cat ever, imo ymmv. And, he was a rescue/shelter cat back in 1991.

Also, a reminder to feel free to answer this thread not so much with me in mind, but with a general spirit for sharing how you go about feeling positive/improving your outlook and/or attitude.

[JayFreddy]

I know it's become a bit of a cultural cliche from the 60's, but every now and then I like to re-read Max Ehrmann's Desiderata. Sometimes it's good to be reminded.

The Desiderata of Happiness by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

[macheesmo3]

I've had a rough few years as well( especially this one ) . Ktrina destroyed most of my stuff ,place I worked closed out of the blue last month or so ( leaving me presently unemployed until I get sent to do disaster inspections in Texas ) Girl dumped me , parents got divorced after 35 years , and the Braves sucked ! :-) ya know how i did it ? Lots and lots of booze !

Just kiddin' !!!

No , I just figured that " Here it is ! The Bottom ! The view from down here sucks , but not nearly as bad as i always pictured it to be ! I'm still kickin' gotta roof over my head , food in my belly and the playoffs are on so the Braves can't suck anymore this year ! "Just as i was feeling really crummy , I got a chance to get certified as contract Fema inspector , the girl has started calling me again and i got lots and lots of practice time !
i think a normal period of feeling like hammered crap when things go wrong is fine , just don't let it begin to be the main driving force in your life . I've been really depressed in my younger days for real and it is no bloody fun and not worth the effort . Find someone you trust and tell them about it , it really helps !

[Guitar_Ninja]

It's kind of weird this thread is popping up now. My gf of four years and I split up about two weeks ago and after crunching the numbers today I've realized that it makes the best financial sense for me to move back home. We moved here three years ago so she could go to school, but a year after that she came down with some health problems and had to withdraw. The illness ended up derailing us both mentally and physically, and I stopped working to stay home with her.

So now I'm loading the guitars and the amp and the cat in the car and driving 3000km back west. It always seemed like the last thing I'd want to do, crawl back home with my tail between my legs, but after deciding on it today I'm actually excited. A fresh start in a NOS city. It seemed for the last few weeks like things couldn't get any worse, and I realize now that that's true. They can only get better. Just ask Wicket.

[macheesmo3]

Yeah but has that NOS city been matched? If not it's gonna throw your tone WAYYYY off ! :-)

Good Luck !!

[Feargal]

Keep busy, live in now, when I'm concentrating on the task in hand, worries are usually forgotten, (not that I have much to worry about).

[Gilamnstr]

Originally Posted by furrfurrfurr

...Which got me thinking, what do you guys/gals do to keep your chin up, so to speak?

I take a good look around and realize that there are many other people who are far less fortunate than I. Not to gloat over their plight, but to put my (comparatively) miniscule concerns in proportion.

[ne4tt]

Walk, Bicycle, swim...30 minutes daily.

Will do wonders for you mentally.



You may also consider volunteer work, and meet new people in the process.

Jamie

[imwjl]

Originally Posted by ne4tt

Walk, Bicycle, swim...30 minutes daily.

Will do wonders for you mentally.



You may also consider volunteer work, and meet new people in the process.

Jamie

+1 Absolutely.

I bike and do volunteer work. I push myself to keep at it because the fitness helps with the mind as well as body and I pretty much only deal with super people via the volunteer work - different types, different interests, but it's probably safe to say that bad people don't generally give time and money for others and why it's a good group.

It has helped me stick my neck out in other ways such as being better at home and in my work. I find keeping physically active helps me accept mental issues as well as physical issues and embrace change and tough moments.

[MandyMarie]

I completely agree with Jamie. When I feel like I am doing something good for someone else...I almost always walk away feeling better than before. Without even meaning to! That's one of the added benefits of doing something good!

Bike rides are great for me too - I put on my iPod and bike the prettiest place I can find... being surrounded by beauty (that wasn't created by man out of steel!) clears my head like nothing else. I only wish I lived in Colorado! ;o)

But the most important of all for me...and this may sound silly...but I'm a firm believer in breathing (heehee). A minutes worth of slow and deep breathing can calm me down and cheer me up every single time.