I need a joke. Subject: Someone's last day on the job.

[TheGoodTexan]

I've got a good friend that is finally getting out of a dead end job. He should have left a long time ago. He turned in his notice two weeks ago, and today is his last day. He's starting at a new place that will stimulate his creativity and allow him much more freedom.

So...I want to send him a bunch of jokes via email today, at his last day with that email address. And I was looking around for one of those "Hallmark-type" websites that sends e-greeting cards... but I can't find one that says, "So, you're finally leaving that dead-end job?"

Help?

[Derek S]

SO YOU'RE FINALLY LEAVING YOUR DEAD END JOB-

KICK THE BOSS'S ASS ON THE WAY OUT!

something like that?

[TheGoodTexan]

Originally Posted by Derek S

SO YOU'RE FINALLY LEAVING YOUR DEAD END JOB-

KICK THE BOSS'S ASS ON THE WAY OUT!

something like that?

I love the lead-in, and the punch-line, but the middle part needs a little work.

But yeah... I like the direction you're moving in. Keep'em coming.

[Derek S]

Tomorrow Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life-
Today's The Last Day In This Sh@thole-congrats!

I dunno, I might just send him a youtube of Johnny Paycheck singing, "Take This Job And Shove It." He can play it REALLY LOUD!

[Telehackster]

Maybe you could just send this to him:

[furrfurrfurr]

try bluemountain.com

not sure they'll have it but you never know

[TheGoodTexan]

Originally Posted by Derek S

I dunno, I might just send him a youtube of Johnny Paycheck singing, "Take This Job And Shove It." He can play it REALLY LOUD!

Oh man...that's great. I just did that.

I like the cartoon too...

[austintele]

"Quitters never win!"

[pengipete]

After careful consideration, Joe decided that it might be time to look for a better job.

[pengipete]

A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom and said,

"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job will still suck.

Crime doesn't pay ...

Does that mean my job is a crime?

Here are a number of useful phrases you can use at work...

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. Ahhhhh, I see the f$%k-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
14. No, my powers can only be used for good.
15. How about never? Is never good for you?
16. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
17. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
18. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
19. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
20. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
21. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
22. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
23. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
24. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
25. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
26. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
27. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

[Grabadores]

Not sure if it's exactly what you're looking for, but either way I think it's hilarious. Enjoy:

New Boss
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week? A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.
'Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here?
"From across the room came a voice,
'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

http://www.funny-haha.co.uk/Joke.asp?J=1210

[ajgus]

Again...probably not what you're looking for but...

A dog walks into the unemployment agency & says to the guy behind the counter "I'd like a job".
The guy behind the counter is amazed & exclaims "Holy S#*t, a talking dog! Well, let me see what I've got for you"
After checking his computer he says "Well, it looks like I've got an opening in the circus."
The dog replys "What the hell does the circus want with a plumber?"

[acfnqiowuva]

Did you check out someecards.com? That site is hysterical

[DrewB]

Joe comes home from the cannery in the middle of the day and his wife asks what he's doing at home.

"I got fired," he tells her.
"Why?"
"I stuck my d**k in the pickle slicer."
"OMG, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, not a mark."
"What happened to the pickle slicer, then?"
"They fired her, too."

[madmark]

Great joke...

[Tele-writer]

Originally Posted by pengipete

After careful consideration, Joe decided that it might be time to look for a better job.

... or perhaps negotiate for a shorter stool