Hiding purchases from the wife

[johnny7]

I know that I am guilty of this but lately I have been hiding purchases from my wife. I have a turned into quite the gear pig lately and was wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat. I know my wife gets right p-o'd at me when she finds out or when UPS surprises her by ringing the door bell.

Any tricks you all use to hide your purchases. I just hide it all in the garage....she never goes in there. And when she sees me gig with some new gear. I just say I sold some other gear to pay for it.

John

[63dot]

it doesn't work for a marriage unless you:

1) decide money is not the biggest thing in a marriage, because it really isn't

2) let her buy as many shoes as possible, and also toss compliments her way, and get to know about women's shoes as much as your telecaster...really

for every manolo, that's a custom shop tele for you

for every jimmy choo everyday pump, that's at least a highway 1 telecaster or baja telecaster with case

and for every rockport, that's a nice set of bardens or a good practice amp:)

[Joe-Bob]

Buy only guitars of the same color, so she can't tell the difference.

[ROADMAN]

she will find out....eventually...they can sense your fear

[Jakedog]

I gotta tell you from experience, you ain't treadin' good trail here.

If you can be honest about your addiction, and keep your spending in check to the point that she can spend equal amounts on what she likes, then you could reach a VERY agreeable middle ground. If not, your headed for trouble.

There's a WHOLE lot more I could say on this subject, but everybody's views and opinions on wives and on money are not like mine, so I'll leave it at that.


Jake

[brillocaster]

Originally Posted by Jakedog

I gotta tell you from experience, you ain't treadin' good trail here.

If you can be honest about your addiction, and keep your spending in check to the point that she can spend equal amounts on what she likes, then you could reach a VERY agreeable middle ground. If not, your headed for trouble.

There's a WHOLE lot more I could say on this subject, but everybody's views and opinions on wives and on money are not like mine, so I'll leave it at that.


Jake

I dunno...I think as long as he's not hidin' another wife from the wife, he's in good shape. It's just stuff.

[Jakedog]

Originally Posted by brillocaster

I dunno...I think as long as he's not hidin' another wife from the wife, he's in good shape. It's just stuff.

There is some truth to this, and I want everyone here to remember the "it's just stuff" part, next time your wife wants to spend the equivalent of a major gear purchase (over $500) on something we might see as "frivolous and silly". I wasn't wording "trouble" as divorce or the like, just as trouble. I haven't been married all that long, less than eleven years, and we're still learning every day how to live with each other a little better. I know though, that once I cut out silly stuff like this, my whole life got sh!+ loads easier, and a lot more enjoyable. You know what else? I get to buy more stuff.


Jake

[Gibson]

Originally Posted by johnny7

I know that I am guilty of this but lately I have been hiding purchases from my wife. I have a turned into quite the gear pig lately and was wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat. I know my wife gets right p-o'd at me when she finds out or when UPS surprises her by ringing the door bell.

Any tricks you all use to hide your purchases. I just hide it all in the garage....she never goes in there. And when she sees me gig with some new gear. I just say I sold some other gear to pay for it.

John

I don't know man, how much covert shopping are you hiding? What kind of money are we talking here?

I hate to say it, but it sounds a bit like me sneaking cigarettes past my parents when I was 13.

No offence intended (really), but I think it'd be better for you guys to reach some kind of understanding on the issue. (Altho you probably shouldn't fess up to all your past gear infractions when you do so! )

[Jakedog]

I just re-read everything here, and really gave it some thought ( I know, dangerous! )

But I have to say, looking at your post, I don't think the issue you need to address is necessarily your gear purchases, but your feeling that you need to compulsively and consistently lie to somebody about them. A lie by omission, is still a lie. I'm not judging, everybody has their own life dynamic, and ultimately, they are the only ones who REALLY have to live within it, and I am not for one minute gonna sit here and say I've never fibbed about gear... just saying... Maybe take a look at what IMO, is the bigger issue.


Jake

[johnny7]

I have read the responses and they are all good. The issue is not money. The issue is, and I believe that many of you have experienced this also, is whether your spouse supports music as a hobby. I love my wife dearly but sometimes she just does not get the fact that I needed the Classic 30 so that I would not have to all my HRD to small gigs. That is just one example. Although she will freak when my SX tele arrives although I bought that to bring to a weekly jam I host (paying gig) so others may participate.

Out of my hobby has sprung a music production company as a side venture from my day job of being an Army Officer. (Now I can reap some tax benefits from this.) It also sprung from being in a band where I was at the mercy of the owner of the PA who felt they deserved a bigger cut of the money because they had the PA.

My wife knows what I have however she does not like the way I go about it getting it. She likes it when I play but doesn't like the band dynamics I have to go through as the band leader.

Having said all that ...... the gear will not keep me warm at night and keeping my wife happy will. Communication is the key.

[TG]

It's easy for me. She can't tell the difference between a tele, a strat or a les paul. As long as it's the same colour she doesn't notice a thing. (This is one of the reasons why all my guitars are sunburst. )
Same with amps. One little black box is like another.

If I do discuss changing/buying gear with her she instantly gets that thin-lipped disapproving vibe wives do...the one that gives you butterflies in the stomach and makes you feel 9 years old and bad. I'm sure it's some sort of female genetically controlled automated response that bypasses logic.

[octatonic]

Originally Posted by Jakedog

I gotta tell you from experience, you ain't treadin' good trail here.

If you can be honest about your addiction, and keep your spending in check to the point that she can spend equal amounts on what she likes, then you could reach a VERY agreeable middle ground. If not, your headed for trouble.

There's a WHOLE lot more I could say on this subject, but everybody's views and opinions on wives and on money are not like mine, so I'll leave it at that.

Probably a good idea.

If I can use your comment as a bit of a launching pad...

Why is this suddenly an 'addiction'?
How can you make that (fairly strong) assumption based on a couple of lines of text from someone?
An addiction describes a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.

I spend quite a bit of money on gear- but I wouldn't say it is an addiction and we don't know enough (nor do I want to) about the OP's financial situation to be able to say he has a problem.

As far as the health of his relationship with his wife- it is easy to be judgemental and point fingers and say "That's wrong'- but you have to live this man's life before you can say what you have said.
Most relationship have a few white lies- if this chap wants to trade a few guitars, why stress out his missus, who doesn't really understand the mentality of a guitar player.
Sometimes it is just better to have an easy life than force an argument.

Maybe you have a different relationship style to me- but I like a fair amount of independence in my relationship.

Having to reveal every last detail about myself to my partner isn't something I would want to do- getting married doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip, unable to make a decision without asking permission, does it?
Mine doesn't.

Back on topic- I don't go out of my way to hide things.
If my wife asks about a particular piece of gear (not that she does often) then I would just say 'Yeah, I've had it a while, just pulled it out again".

Nothing too specific, nothing I can get caught out on later.
It does mean that when I purchase something new I tend not to have that "Gee look at this, doesn't it kick as$" conversation, which is 1/2 the fun of buying something- but that is what you have buddies for, isn't it?

[Skrik]

I have stopped bothering to hide anything. So long as the family is well provided for, and so long as I can justify my purchases to my own mind, I have a clean conscience. She tries to argue about it, of course, and I listen very patiently, of course, but she has yet to make a convincing argument against the gear I have.

I wouldn't claim to have a strong marriage, though.

[TelecasterBlooz]

Just don't hide your latest aquisitions in the same closet she uses to store her purses and shoes....What is it with women and purses? Or shoes for that matter?

[WisconsinStrings]

Very interesting discussion. I think octatonic has a pretty good point. Every marriage is different and unless you know a couple pretty well, it's hard to judge. Advice from your own marriage is good, but telling someone what will work just doesn't work.

[Lance]

Just be open about it......but agree on your purchases.

My wife and I have a $300 limit on purchases. Over that amount and we consult one another.

Second, we've also agreed that my herd will remain relatively constant. If I can fund a purchase through the sale of other stuff, there's no discussion required. In the last few months, the actual number of guitars I own has increased but all purchases were funded by sales. I honestly feel that this hasn't limited me....if anything, it forces me to move out stuff I really don't use. Sometimes those decisions are tough but in the end, I think it's fair.

But the deception thing will get you in the end EVERY time. Don't bother.

[StratDal]

Originally Posted by Joe-Bob

Buy only guitars of the same color, so she can't tell the difference.

I like that one!

I really want to get an Epiphone Explorer but I already have 3 guitars (6 counting my 2 acoustics and bass). I don't think the color thing will work. Most likely I'd have it delivered to my buddy's house, leave it there (we jam at least once a month so I can play it), and then a year or two down the road, "Look what I got honey. Since it's used, I got a great deal on it!" Then again, I'll keep dreaming instead.

[red57strat]

Originally Posted by Joe-Bob

Buy only guitars of the same color, so she can't tell the difference.

Yes, and only date women who have the same hair color as her!

WTH, as long as you're lying to her anyway...


I've been happily married to a non-music fan for 21 years. She doesn't like that my gear is expensive, but knows that it makes me happy. I can't just go and get whatever I want, but I have more than I need.

[Gunslinger]

I have no such problems... in fact I was uming and arrring whether to buy an exotic clean boost the other week.... my wife talked me into it

I love her so...

[TeleBits]

I've seen some amazing statements in this thread.. There's some stand up guys giving opinions , but more sneaky little kids that don't seem to understand what a partnership is about.. IMHO , of course..

[superchicken_VI]

I don't "hide" anything from her, with the agreement that she treats me the same way. We have a $50 go-ahead rule, but over $50 we call each other to make sure it's cool. It also helps to weed out the impulse buys. When I wonder if it's worth the lobbying to get it passed by the wife, sometimes I realize I really don't care enough about it to spend the money on. Same with her, too. I like $500 guitars, she like $300 purses and $150 shoes, so we could both do some damage without checks and balances. If you can't trust each other about a $100 pair of shoes or a $100 Squier Bullet, that's sowing seeds of more lies about much more important things...

[studio1087]

Does she have hobbies?

Does she ever see some nice clothing and buy it without mentioning it?

I would hope that you could tell her about a new toy and not have to hide it in the garage.

Are the buying scales tipped toward you so heavily that you have to hide the stuff? If so, slow down.

My wife keeps horses. She buys tack and we pay vet bills and we live within our means. I buy things on ebay or sell a guitar on ebay and then spend "up" to a better guitar guitar once per year or so. I would say that we keep it even (I've never kept a spread sheet).

I wouldn't stash stuff. If I had to stash it I wouldn't buy it. There are 16 guitar cases in our family room and my wife can count. Dang!

I would slowly move the stuff into the house. Stop stashing. Turn over a new leaf.

John

[octatonic]

Originally Posted by TeleBits

I've seen some amazing statements in this thread.. There's some stand up guys giving opinions , but more sneaky little kids that don't seem to understand what a partnership is about.. IMHO , of course..

Is name-calling really necessary?

[Joisey]

Originally Posted by TeleBits

I've seen some amazing statements in this thread.. There's some stand up guys giving opinions , but more sneaky little kids that don't seem to understand what a partnership is about.. IMHO , of course..

It took a divorce for me to figure that out. Every little white lie builds resentment and erodes trust. You think it is no big deal until one day you get the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. When that happens it is all over but the crying. The kicker is that no amount of warning will deter them. Keep lying about your gear because there will come a day when you can buy all the gear your heart desires providing there is any money left after alimony and child support is paid up.