Hiding purchases from the wife - Page 2

Jakedog · April 18th, 2008, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octatonic

Actually he didn't ask for opinions on the ethics of it.
This was something Jakedog volunteered, unasked- which I found a bit presumptuous and accusatory.

He who lives by the sword...

Dies by the sword. Believe me, I've fallen on plenty of 'em. But I've learned something from each and every instance, and don't feel that there is anything wrong with eneavoring to use what I've learned to save others form similar fates. If you had taken the time to read all of my posts on this subject, you'd see that I wasn't judging, and did in fact say that everyone has their own life dynamic, and everybody's situation is in fact different. All I offered was facts, I've been there, it ended badly, and it always does sooner or later. That's all.

I'm not sure how me trying to lend a hand to somebody else "over the interenet" was so terribly offensive to you, maybe he's your little brother, maybe you're a champion, maybe it hit too close to home, or maybe you were just bored. At any rate, I wasn't out to get him, you, or anybody else, just so you know. I was pitching in my opinion based on my own factual experience. Nothing more.

But while we're on the subject of being presumptuous, and accusatory, you should know that I am in no way insecure.

Jake

camari · April 18th, 2008, 10:21 AM

I am a horrible lier and can't sleep at night if I do lie. So I don't lie. My wife is cool with what I buy. No discussion necessary. Mt wife trusts me to make good decisions. And make sure the bills are paid. Guess I'm lucky.

octatonic · April 18th, 2008, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jakedog

I've been there, it ended badly, and it always does sooner or later. That's all.

See, that is the logical trip up.
Just because it ended badly for YOU doesn't mean it will end badly for him, for me or anyone else.
Again... presumption.
At no point did anyone ask about the ethics of the situation- but somehow the original topic has been derailed into an ethical question- and now into what is verging on a personal attack.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jakedog

I'm not sure how me trying to lend a hand to somebody else "over the interenet" was so terribly offensive to you, maybe he's your little brother, maybe you're a champion, maybe it hit too close to home, or maybe you were just bored. At any rate, I wasn't out to get him, you, or anybody else, just so you know. I was pitching in my opinion based on my own factual experience. Nothing more.

Well, that is coming off like a snide personal attack.
I'm not 'terribly offended' at all.
You've misread my comments.
All I am providing is an argument (one I believe in) that we shouldn't sit in judgement of others.
That's all.

In any case I don't see the point continuing this line of discussion- it is tertiary to the original question and getting us nowhere.
Let's agree to disagree, shall we?
Peace.

pengipete · April 18th, 2008, 10:28 AM

I wouldn't lie to my wife - nothing's worth that.

She'll sometimes tell me that we can't afford something at present - the "we" part being important - and she sometimes admits that she doesn't understand why I want a particular item. What she does do though is listen if I explain and never critices - at worst she'll tell me to wait for a birthday or Xmas etc but she never forgets and that's fine by me.

More often than not she'll happily trial around the shops or she'll spend time searching on the PC to see if we can get a good deal somewhere. She doesn't play guitar but she is such a big help and encouragement that it's like having my own fan club and I wouldn't do anything to risk losing her trust.

Dep · April 18th, 2008, 10:34 AM

I'm a lucky guy. If I want something, my wife has no qualms about me going and getting it. What's amazing is, knowing I have that freedom usually causes me not to make spur of the moment purchases.

I know I can think about it, because it doesn't matter to her when I get it. I don't have to get it now because I'm afraid she'll say no. This actually keeps my purchases to a minimum.

Heck, I've got 4 guitars, and she's bought me 2 of them.

Being sneaky and getting things behind your spouse's back may come back and haunt you one day.

It's your call, no one knows your situation better than you.

Dep

winny pooh · April 18th, 2008, 10:39 AM

My personal take is: many girls don't understand, so sometimes its hard to justify something they see as a "hobby" when it may be a passionate love for music and playing. My wife does not know why I would want another amp, I could not possibly understand why she wants a bigger house with wooden floors.

Music transcends mere materialism. Many cannot appreciate that. Of course we lose the plot when the desire for equipment is to have more "stuff" rather than furthering music and creativity. At that point it is probably better to be more moderate, I try

neocaster · April 18th, 2008, 10:40 AM

Here's what you do:

Buy a guitar. Put a pair of women's underwear (not your wife's, the sexier the better) in the case. If she opens the case, the new guitar will not be a problem, I assure you.

octatonic · April 18th, 2008, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neocaster

Here's what you do:

Buy a guitar. Put a pair of women's underwear (not your wife's, the sexier the better) in the case. If she opens the case, the new guitar will not be a problem, I assure you.

That would work.

What about men's underpants that are obviously NOT your size?

:-)

Just-Jim · April 18th, 2008, 10:50 AM

Quote:

I'm not in favour of hiding things in any case- but actually what I do with my own money is none of my wife's business.
If I start dropping my 1/2 of the familial responsibilities then she has cause to complain- until that time though...

As bad as that sounds, I have to agree. I think when you are the sole bread winner, you have a slightly different outlook. My wife works, but just so she has spending money for herself - she loves to shop - I personally do not. This is how she relieves stress from me when I pay the bills - by not asking for a lot of money for shopping, trips to the salon, etc. I pay her car payment and all the bills. I never complain when she comes home with bags from the mall. So if I come home with some stupid piece of guitar gear thay may just end up collecting dust, so be it. I actually am very frugal, but when it comes to hobbies, I go overboard sometimes.

Worn · April 18th, 2008, 11:01 AM

I always show her what I've bought, but I do avoid discussing price, unless it was a helluva deal! Almost 30 years of trust isn't going to be thrown away over some a few bucks "reasonably" spent.
But, a friend of mine has motorcycles stored at shops and friends' and neighbours' garages that his wife has no idea about. She thinks he has 8 bikes, it's actually more like 14, and he just bought a Norton this week and has already arranged "storage" for it.

Ethical · April 18th, 2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnny7

I know that I am guilty of this but lately I have been hiding purchases from my wife. I have a turned into quite the gear pig lately and was wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat. I know my wife gets right p-o'd at me when she finds out or when UPS surprises her by ringing the door bell.

Any tricks you all use to hide your purchases. I just hide it all in the garage....she never goes in there. And when she sees me gig with some new gear. I just say I sold some other gear to pay for it.

John

I'd sit down and think long and hard about what you wrote and why you wrote it. Then find a good lawyer.

Ted

Just-Jim · April 18th, 2008, 11:12 AM

Quote:

8 bikes, it's actually more like 14

She must be pretty open minded to let the 3rd bike hit the garage (unless your friend is Jay Leno).

pengipete · April 18th, 2008, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neocaster

Here's what you do:

Buy a guitar. Put a pair of women's underwear (not your wife's, the sexier the better) in the case. If she opens the case, the new guitar will not be a problem, I assure you.

Or you could just wear the knickers when you show her the guitar and see if she notices that it's new.

TelZilla · April 18th, 2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octatonic

Actually he didn't ask for opinions on the ethics of it.
This was something Jakedog volunteered, unasked- which I found a bit presumptuous and accusatory.

He who lives by the sword...

I'm not in favour of hiding things in any case- but actually what I do with my own money is none of my wife's business.
If I start dropping my 1/2 of the familial responsibilities then she has cause to complain- until that time though...

Not everyone has the same relationship paradigm as you, or the OP or me- and we would best remember that.

Again... is there any point to judging someone's relationship when you don't know them... across the internet.
The only reason I can think someone would do that is some sort of insecurity coming out.
Relationship's are never perfect, it is up to each of us to make our own decisions about what style of relationship they choose to have.
If they choose to not reveal their music purchases, that is up to them.
I wouldn't say it is for me to moralise about it.

I think the asking for opinions is pretty much implied when you post something here on TDPRI. Sort of like all the IMO and YMMVing- isn't all that sort of understood.

If you felt I was judging your relationship (or anyone else's), I apologize, that was not my intent. I tried to be careful to frame all of my statements as reflections of my experience and my mariiage. I havent gone back to read my comments.

IMO, the concept of "my own money" ceases to exist when you get married. Not sure this its the leagal standard (but I think the divorced guys probably have an idea), but it's my opinion. IMO, YMMV, and what ever other covermya$sery I'm supposed to engage in.

I'm pulling the ripcord on this thread. I'd rather agrue about really important stuff, like tweed vs brown vs BF

gibsonjunkie · April 18th, 2008, 11:50 AM

I never had to - she is really supportive of my gear purchases. That being said, When I ordered my Gibson GA5 things were good, but before it arrived we ran into a tight spot money wise (tax man was a knocking on the door). The GA5 is sitting in the closet for a couple weeks until things are good again...

Snide · April 18th, 2008, 12:19 PM

While my wife doesn't openly object about my gear purchases because we can afford it, she does let me know that she doesn't understand it. She also realizes that these are assets and I'm usually pretty good about not over-paying for something. If you buy used and are patient you can normally get the money out of any piece of gear that you have bought or traded for.

My wife understands that relative to other hobbies, such as golf, going to sporting events, gambling, etc, the net cost of buying gear can be actually pretty low because you can recoup the cost of most pieces of gear if push comes to shove.

That's my argument and I'm sticking to it anyway.

Bernie · April 18th, 2008, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnny7

I know that I am guilty of this but lately I have been hiding purchases from my wife. I have a turned into quite the gear pig lately and was wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat. I know my wife gets right p-o'd at me when she finds out or when UPS surprises her by ringing the door bell.

Any tricks you all use to hide your purchases. I just hide it all in the garage....she never goes in there. And when she sees me gig with some new gear. I just say I sold some other gear to pay for it.

John

After reading this whole thread and then reviewing the original post, it doesn't sound like John wants to stop buying gear behind is wife's back. He's simply asking the forum members for new strategies on how to hide those purchases from his wife more effectively.

Dave Hopping · April 18th, 2008, 12:59 PM

Bernie,I think you've nailed it.But I also think many of us are a little uncomfortable about the idea of not being candid with the person who is,after all,our closest relative.I hope there's a happy issue out of this.

HOBBSTER01 · April 18th, 2008, 01:07 PM

'If you don't understand what it does, how do you know if I need it"
works 8 outta 10 times for me.

Andy Summers · April 18th, 2008, 01:13 PM

Our finances are too tight..So the wife and I have to work together at everything financially...We know every dollar the other spends....we have to.
So my thing is Ive always done trades...and even that was stressful because she would ask how much it was and when I told her it was a trade, I dont think she believed me...but after a while, since we both have to watch our money so closely she doesnt have trouble with the trades anymore...Of course I havent done a trade in a while because Im fianlly content with my guitars...I still want more mind you, but I don't want to get rid of what I have either. The only thing I need is a good amp...and maybe tax returns will help with that.

Mid Life Crisis · April 18th, 2008, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bernie

After reading this whole thread and then reviewing the original post, it doesn't sound like John wants to stop buying gear behind is wife's back. He's simply asking the forum members for new strategies on how to hide those purchases from his wife more effectively.

Not only that, but I suspect that he intended this thread to be taken in a light-hearted way, hoping for funny stories about clandestine purchases and the lengths people go to to avoid a confrontation over the use of household funds. If I'm right, it does seem that some have missed the point a little.

mudbean · April 18th, 2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mid Life Crisis

Not only that, but I suspect that he intended this thread to be taken in a light-hearted way, hoping for funny stories about clandestine purchases and the lengths people go to to avoid a confrontation over the use of household funds. If I'm right, it does seem that some have missed the point a little.

My feeling as well ...

In my house, I earn ALL of the $$$. Nevertheless, when I come home and a package from UPS is sitting there, I do get a bit of the stink eye, and I do squirm a bit. Then it's over and we move on.

mud

geddins · April 18th, 2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mid Life Crisis

Not only that, but I suspect that he intended this thread to be taken in a light-hearted way, hoping for funny stories about clandestine purchases and the lengths people go to to avoid a confrontation over the use of household funds. If I'm right, it does seem that some have missed the point a little.

Maybe it's because it's Friday and we are taking it literally?

But I honestly don't get that the OP was looking for funny stories...I felt that he was looking to see if others here are doing the same thing as he is in regards to "hiding" gear purchases.

He got WAY more info/advice than he asked for (it IS an internet forum), but hopefully someone somewhere will get some benefit.

I feel strongly about marriage and mine in particular. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, and would not intentionally do that .

So OP, I hope you're ok with all our well-intentioned advice...if not, I certainly apologize.

April 18th, 2008, 10:21 AM	#42 (permalink)
camari Tele-Meister Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Florida Age: 50 Posts: 102	I am a horrible lier and can't sleep at night if I do lie. So I don't lie. My wife is cool with what I buy. No discussion necessary. Mt wife trusts me to make good decisions. And make sure the bills are paid. Guess I'm lucky. __________________ Remember to listen.

April 18th, 2008, 10:39 AM	#46 (permalink)
winny pooh Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: South London Posts: 1,201	My personal take is: many girls don't understand, so sometimes its hard to justify something they see as a "hobby" when it may be a passionate love for music and playing. My wife does not know why I would want another amp, I could not possibly understand why she wants a bigger house with wooden floors. Music transcends mere materialism. Many cannot appreciate that. Of course we lose the plot when the desire for equipment is to have more "stuff" rather than furthering music and creativity. At that point it is probably better to be more moderate, I try __________________ my afro ambient side project: http://www.myspace.com/theswyambusessions

April 18th, 2008, 11:50 AM	#55 (permalink)
gibsonjunkie Tele-Holic Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Bloomfield, Connecticut Age: 54 Posts: 537	I never had to - she is really supportive of my gear purchases. That being said, When I ordered my Gibson GA5 things were good, but before it arrived we ran into a tight spot money wise (tax man was a knocking on the door). The GA5 is sitting in the closet for a couple weeks until things are good again... __________________ The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...

April 18th, 2008, 01:07 PM	#59 (permalink)
HOBBSTER01 Tele-Meister Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: North GA. Posts: 242	'If you don't understand what it does, how do you know if I need it" works 8 outta 10 times for me. __________________ The Hobbster

April 18th, 2008, 10:28 AM	#44 (permalink)
pengipete Tele-Holic Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Gloucester U.K. Age: 47 Posts: 909	I wouldn't lie to my wife - nothing's worth that. She'll sometimes tell me that we can't afford something at present - the "we" part being important - and she sometimes admits that she doesn't understand why I want a particular item. What she does do though is listen if I explain and never critices - at worst she'll tell me to wait for a birthday or Xmas etc but she never forgets and that's fine by me. More often than not she'll happily trial around the shops or she'll spend time searching on the PC to see if we can get a good deal somewhere. She doesn't play guitar but she is such a big help and encouragement that it's like having my own fan club and I wouldn't do anything to risk losing her trust.

April 18th, 2008, 10:34 AM	#45 (permalink)
Dep Tele-Meister Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: St Johns, Florida Posts: 251	I'm a lucky guy. If I want something, my wife has no qualms about me going and getting it. What's amazing is, knowing I have that freedom usually causes me not to make spur of the moment purchases. I know I can think about it, because it doesn't matter to her when I get it. I don't have to get it now because I'm afraid she'll say no. This actually keeps my purchases to a minimum. Heck, I've got 4 guitars, and she's bought me 2 of them. Being sneaky and getting things behind your spouse's back may come back and haunt you one day. It's your call, no one knows your situation better than you. Dep

April 18th, 2008, 10:40 AM	#47 (permalink)
neocaster Friend of Leo's Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Chester County, PA Age: 35 Posts: 3,399 11 Photos	Here's what you do: Buy a guitar. Put a pair of women's underwear (not your wife's, the sexier the better) in the case. If she opens the case, the new guitar will not be a problem, I assure you.

April 18th, 2008, 11:01 AM	#50 (permalink)
Worn Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Toronto Age: 56 Posts: 114 4 Photos	I always show her what I've bought, but I do avoid discussing price, unless it was a helluva deal! Almost 30 years of trust isn't going to be thrown away over some a few bucks "reasonably" spent. But, a friend of mine has motorcycles stored at shops and friends' and neighbours' garages that his wife has no idea about. She thinks he has 8 bikes, it's actually more like 14, and he just bought a Norton this week and has already arranged "storage" for it.

April 18th, 2008, 12:19 PM	#56 (permalink)
Snide Tele-Meister Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Dallas Posts: 134	While my wife doesn't openly object about my gear purchases because we can afford it, she does let me know that she doesn't understand it. She also realizes that these are assets and I'm usually pretty good about not over-paying for something. If you buy used and are patient you can normally get the money out of any piece of gear that you have bought or traded for. My wife understands that relative to other hobbies, such as golf, going to sporting events, gambling, etc, the net cost of buying gear can be actually pretty low because you can recoup the cost of most pieces of gear if push comes to shove. That's my argument and I'm sticking to it anyway.

April 18th, 2008, 12:59 PM	#58 (permalink)
Dave Hopping Tele-Meister Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Aurora,Colorado Posts: 495	Bernie,I think you've nailed it.But I also think many of us are a little uncomfortable about the idea of not being candid with the person who is,after all,our closest relative.I hope there's a happy issue out of this.

April 18th, 2008, 01:13 PM	#60 (permalink)
Andy Summers Tele-Meister Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: CT Age: 36 Posts: 459	Our finances are too tight..So the wife and I have to work together at everything financially...We know every dollar the other spends....we have to. So my thing is Ive always done trades...and even that was stressful because she would ask how much it was and when I told her it was a trade, I dont think she believed me...but after a while, since we both have to watch our money so closely she doesnt have trouble with the trades anymore...Of course I havent done a trade in a while because Im fianlly content with my guitars...I still want more mind you, but I don't want to get rid of what I have either. The only thing I need is a good amp...and maybe tax returns will help with that.