Performance Anxiety?

Hi, new guy Tom here in need of advice please.

A little backround as I am new here. I'm 48. I was in a band in high school, and we did a few school dances. I remember being a little nervous before we went on, but I don't remember it being drastic.
Fast forward. I have played guitar for 34 years as a semi-serious hobby, but due to raising kids I skipped the playing in a band thing after high school. I am not qualified to be the guitar player for the best local band around, but I don't suck either. At all. For lack of a better description I play music of different genres from late '60's to early '80's, hard and soft, acoustic but mostly electric. Obviously guitar oriented music, and songs on either side of that time frame. I think I would pass as a very good rythym player. I don't have blazing speed for lead, but I think I have some very good feeling and taste compared to what I often see posted by bands or players on YT, and from feedback from people I have played with or for. Some of the players I'm not qualified to hold their pick for them.


I want to play in a band now that the kids are mostly grown. I gave up my 40+ year motorcycle hobby last year after being run over by a 16 yr. old girl in a truck, so I have a little more time for guitar type activities.

Here is my problem: I totally freeze up if someone is listening, or I think someone might be listening when i'm improvising. Not so much when just playing rythym, or acoustic.
But when it happens it's BAD. Not as bad as if I were someone who just learned the pentatonic scale two months ago, but still really bad. All feeling and taste go out the window. And even technical ability suffers. It's like I forget how to play when someone is watching. I have played with a few people here and there over the years. One was a buddy and we traded rythym and leads back when we were trying to learn taste and feel, and that was ok.
Couple other times were with a few of local groups that I played with to see if there was any potential for fun. After a few practices they wanted me to continue to play with them, and they were nice, easy going people to play with. The music wasn't aways right for me, but mostly I couldn't get comfortable enough to have any fun at all, or play anywhere near my ability. It was like a big anxiety session for me. Not fun.

I know this is in my head. I'm just curious if other people have had it this bad and overcame it. Maybe I just need to keep forcing myself to try and one day it will come together. As a matter of fact, I'm going to play with some newly forming band next month. I don't know if it will work or not, but if it doesn't I'd like it to be for musical differences, or I'm not good enough, or they suck, anything other than for a stupid anxiety problem.

Thanks for reading a long whiny-a$$ post.:oops:

Tom

I think it's natural to be a little nervous- hopefully not chronically so. Just my 2 cents worth, dont drink or take anything prior to playing ( I'm not suggesting you do) and USE that nervous energy to make you acutely aware of all you and your band are doing. Works for me- good luck!

When I play live I'm in a sort of invisible box looking out, like watching a film.
Works for me.

But I was in a band a year or 2 ago where one of the guys insisted on 'introducing' me whenever I played a solo. As soon as he did that I was there.....and uncomfortable.

I tried explaining it to him and even resorted to threats. Finally gave up, and I won't work with him anymore.

I hate to say it, but, the only real solution is to keep trying... at least it was/is for me.

I still perform worse at a gig than I do at practice... or goofing off in front of my laptop or the TV. But, after joining the local Blues Society and being in the house band for a few months, then reaching out again to form another band it's better.

My anxiety turns into excitement now. Sometimes it's a little nervousness, and things that usually roll off my back can make me a little uneven, but not like it was a few years ago.

When I joined a 'Dad Band' in my last neighborhood, I hadn't played in front of any real crowd in twenty years.... Oh, it was awful, I would get to the point where I couldn't eat before a gig. I would pace and drive my wife crazy.

She'd give me the, "What are you worried about, you always do great." (I'm pretty sure she was just being nice! LOL).

But the big thing I worked on was realizing that I was there to have fun and make sure the crowd had fun. Once I got that through my thick skull, I began to relax and actually play and sing much better. I began enjoying myself as well.

Funny thing is, I live for getting up and playing now. It makes me happy and I look forward to every opportunity to do so. I know I'll stumble and I'm okay with that. My wife, always thinks I'm insane for wanting to draw ANY attention to myself... She never quite understands my desire to be up on stage. That's okay, though, it seems I NEED an audience for my antics! LOL

So, let the guys know who you are going to play with that you're nervous and keep at it. It will either settle in and you'll be fine or you'll end up a guy who plays for his own enjoyment. Nothing wrong with either one!

I'm kind of a home-alone player, too. I've played and sung in public only a few times, and only recently started playing with a friend now and then. The same thing happens to me when I "show" my friend a song I've been working on.

For me, I think it's more because of distraction than anxiety that my playing falls apart. The awareness that someone's listening pulls my attention away from what I'm playing just enough to make me stumble, even when I thought I had the song learned.

I think your problem will diminish as you gig more, and not until you gig more.

I won't go into my woes with my recent troubles...LOL!

However, take it from me (and I recently went through same thing you're going through) the only way to get over it is to do it. Best thing to do is start rehearsing with the band, and once you guys are accustomed to each other, you'll start relaxing with them. And then if you can play a small party for friends/families and be surrounded by people you know - you'll find it's easier that way. Once you do that, you'll start feeling more comfortable on stage, and realize (as Tonetele said) you can focus that nervous energy into playing.

I just recently played an outdoor show in front of hundreds...huge stage, wireless...I watched a DVD of us and I was all over the stage. My kids were there (they're adults) and said they couldn't hardly get a photo of me, every time they'd go to take a picture, I was gone. I had a blast! It was huge fun.

As for my playing skills, I still have a lot to learn and re-learn. I'm still playing "catch up". But I'm getting better. The band has even said they can't believe how much better my playing has gotten since joining a few months ago.

Stick with it, Tom, and keep us posted on how you do. Good luck to you.

As other people have said, the more you play in public the easier it gets.

Also its ok to screw up.Everyone does it.Just keep playing and the moment passes. Youll be surprised how few people notice or even remember five seconds later.

Music like life happens in real time.Accept what you can play here and now and enjoy it.The only people who judge are usually insecure.They dont have a gig that night but you do.

Yep its flying hours....some people need lots of time to develop flow beyond the self conscious stage - and there are a few who have natural flow. The vast majority of us fit into the former category.
First of all, practice as much as you can - you'll feel better about your playing.
Then, there are techniques you can use to form a 'quiet' place within to be your domain when you are performing - proper breathing is very important - and needs practice.

Try and imagine a place you feel at peace in - and go there in your head. Every performer needs a home - a point of departure.

You have kids and a wife, how does it go with them watching you or just act like it's only them watching you? no idea...........

I've been playing professionally for about 40 years, and for some performers, (myself included) no matter how many shows or experience you have, there will always be that nervousness, sometimes for me extreme anxiety. I've had to do cognitive behaviour modification, meditation and most importantly breathing before I go on. Even when performing for friends in my living room after 1,000 of professional gigs I will freeze up.
I have luckily suffered through this anxiety without alcohol or drugs. I do not get any anxiety in the studio when recording, it's just the live gigs and the multitude of things that can go wrong and interfere with the attempted perfection or performance.

A classic method for dealing with stage fright is to imagine people in the audience in their underwear or naked.

Don't know why it works, but apparently it does.

You said your rhythm playing is ok, so be a rhythm player for a while, don't worry about "improvising". Get comfortable playing in a band and in front of people within the area that you play best.

Then if you want to play some lead learn a short solo note for note from the recording. This way you're not trying to make stuff up on the fly under pressure. Even for a 12 bar blues, play a standard solo for that song.

Then when you have the two steps above down, you can play songs with the band, and you can play your appointed solos on certain songs; start expanding those solos, start improvising from what you know.

Just jumping in the deep end with out any plan, no matter how many times you do it, may never work out. Also I play the same solo every time. I know many people here will disagree with this, but when I'm on stage performing (which is 5-6 times a year), the audience doesn't know I played that same solo six weeks ago at a block party and they don't care. But what this does for me is remove one more variable from a dynamic situation.

I'm anxious to varying degrees before I play in ANY situation ... but I've never frozen.

I attribute that to two 'main' things.
1) I've been playing in front of people since I was eleven years old.
2) I have a 'healthy' ego. Seriously, it helps.
(Also, if I play badly I won't be actually injuring anybody other than my own ego so nothing too much is a stake.)

Yep its flying hours....some people need lots of time to develop flow beyond the self conscious stage - and there are a few who have natural flow. The vast majority of us fit into the former category.
First of all, practice as much as you can - you'll feel better about your playing.
Then, there are techniques you can use to form a 'quiet' place within to be your domain when you are performing - proper breathing is very important - and needs practice.

Try and imagine a place you feel at peace in - and go there in your head. Every performer needs a home - a point of departure.

+1. Good advice.

I think it all hinges on where you choose to focus your attention. It is a choice you make. However it can take some practice.

I get the 'pre-game jitters' myself and sometimes it can be extreme. But once I'm playing it will disappear quickly if/when I allow myself to really get into the music and that becomes my focus.

The music itself is my 'safe place' because the experience of playing is very intimately familiar and I've been 'there' so many times I just let it sort of envelope me and that process will usually eradicate my anxiety.

First of all notice what you're focusing on when you 'freeze up'. Notice self-talk, what you're visualizing etc. One thing to pay attention for is how our minds will exaggerate details that don't actually represent reality.

For example, you may notice that you're magnifying the size of peoples face's or how they are staring intently at you to the point where all you see is a pair of huge eyes looking at you. These are common kinds of things people do that result in anxiety. In fact this is a common way that people 'do' phobias. Take a little spider that's way across the room and blow it way up into a mental image that is huge and scary. Pay attention for those types of things you may be doing.

Then practice shifting your focus on different aspects of your inner and outer experience until you find the right elements that allow you to relax.

Tom, I have the same problem. When I play solo in front of strangers I freeze up, my fingers forget where to go, and I just plain suck.

I played bass in a band when I was in high school, and didn't have a problem. But performing solo is different. You're not alone.

Well, it helps to know other people have overcame the same thing. Good advice from all of you, I will try the various suggestions. I'm not sure about the naked audience suggestion though, especially if there are some hot girls out there. I may lose all concentration. :lol: Thanks very much!

Tom

Well, it helps to know other people have overcame the same thing. Good advice from all of you, I will try the various suggestions. I'm not sure about the naked audience suggestion though, especially if there are some hot girls out there. I may lose all concentration. :lol: Thanks very much!

Tom

I don't think you're supposed to do this with the hot girls. Try their parents.

I get it too. The more you play easier to gets. Unfortunately for me I don't perform in public very often these days. Yesterday we played downtown at the City Dock here in Annapolis and it wasn't my best day. But as Ken points out...no one was harmed.

I don't think you're supposed to do this with the hot girls. Try their parents.

The hot girls are supposed to be on stage with you ...
https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-3WodXe1NXY4/SSjo_6AsKEI/AAAAAAAAAos/kWANxmiA5p8/664710923_l.jpg

I'll add a couple other bits of advice, I generally play worse when other people are watching here are two reasons:

1) Learn to let go of your mistakes. Don't dwell on notes you missed a couple beats ago. Your going to miss some and if you keep thinking about what could have been your not thinking about what your playing RIGHT NOW. For me it works best if I try to keep the rhythm or melody line going in my head so its filled up with what I should be doing now.

2) If your like me and you've been playing at home by yourself you've probably got a comfortable chair or couch that you play on. When you go to play with a band your in a new room, probably standing up. You should practice at home like your playing in the band, for me it means standing up after I've learned the lead lines in my comfy chair.

If I don't practice solos standing up I can't play them correctly in the band standing up.

That you Ken? Nice shirt.....

That you Ken? Nice shirt.....

Yeah, and I wish I knew where that shirt was. I think an ex-girlfriend absconded with it (it looked better on her anyway).

Back to the OP ...
Can you see where one of the chicks has her hand on my shoulder?
The first few times she did that it completely freaked me out. I'd never really had anybody 'touch' me while I'm playing ... during a solo no less. After 6 months of that, nothing phases me anymore.

Yeah, and I wish I knew where that shirt was. I think an ex-girlfriend absconded with it (it looked better on her anyway).

Back to the OP ...
Can you see where one of the chicks has her hand on my shoulder?
The first few times she did that it completely freaked me out. I'd never really had anybody 'touch' me while I'm playing ... during a solo no less. After 6 months of that, nothing phases me anymore.

A couple years ago I was in a band with a young female singer who used to do that.
It is unnerving...

Try to redefine your nervousness as excitement, can be surprisingly effective.

One of my first gigs was backing er.. exotic dancers - at the tender age of 18..
occasionally would end up copping a discarded garment in the face - or - on the neck of the guitar...splat! - plunk plunk....
I just grinned most of the time..but it was nerve wracking because these girls were fearless - and not averse to embarassing a hapless musician.

On another note, some guys I know take it right to the crowd to get over their nerves...the whole interaction/ dialogue/ joke / heckle thing , rather than try and avoid it or pretend there's no one there - its a leap of faith but it seems to work for them

One of my first gigs was backing er.. exotic dancers - at the tender age of 18..


Awesome dude! You cut your teeth in the time honored tradition of doing a strip show.

*if one wants to learn a thing or two about self-confidence on stage observing a stripper is probably the highest form of education in the field.

I have it too, and not only when playing. I have tried to record songs from time to time. I can establish the flow for a long time, and then i hit the record button and everything falls apart.

But as everyone says: Keep doing it, and it gets better. :-) Also, the "have fun"-part is good advice, but easier in theory...

Another technique is to visualize yourself playing exactly what you want to play on a specific song, doing it really well, and listeners totally diggin' it. Visualization can help with lots of life scenarios that make us nervous. It's also useful to remember that (most) other folks want you to do well!

I don't struggle with nerves that much anymore, but occasionally certain situations can still be a bit intimidating (being on the bill with monster players or a well known act, stuff like that). It helps me to take some deep breaths and crack jokes with mates. And I'll think of the phrase "Don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!"

I've been performing solo (guitar and vocal) for 13 years, so getting onstage with a band is easy and I don't get too nervous, even at "important" gigs.

I think it's also because I have a mindset that I call "staying within yourself."

What that means is that I'm focused on the "process" of singing/playing or whatever, not the result (what people will think of me). As a result, I'm usually almost as comfortable at a gig as I am at home playing. The times when I have been nervous though, it's because I wasn't "staying within myself" (i.e. I was too concerned with what other people would think, such as thinking about some well-known musician who's in attendance etc.)

The strange thing about me is I've actually SANG in front of a large audience when I had a lead role in a high school musical and I have a BAD voice with no training. I didn't get anxiety on performance night. But I DO freeze up on guitar performances even in front of family. Strange, go figure. Maybe because I value guitar more and therefore care more about others' judgement.

I'm so used to making a total arse outta myself, I wouldnt know what performance anxiety is......

I just figure, I'm having fun. Thats it. It's a bonus when the crowd comes along for the ride, because then its big fun!

only one real solution - play in front of people at every opportunity, your wife, your friends, anybody.

my first gig was in 1978 so the butterflies have long since flown out of my stomach.

I replaced them all with huge quantities of beer over the years, that worked out well for me.

The strange thing about me is I've actually SANG in front of a large audience when I had a lead role in a high school musical and I have a BAD voice with no training. I didn't get anxiety on performance night. But I DO freeze up on guitar performances even in front of family. Strange, go figure. Maybe because I value guitar more and therefore care more about others' judgement.

I think you've hit upon a real important aspect of anxiety. We don't normally get anxious about things we don't care about. When we put extra emphasis on the importance or value of an activity/belief/object etc. then we can be setting the stage for anxiety.

In a simplified nutshell anxiety is just imagining an overwhelmingly unwanted outcome.

You can't have anxiety without projecting into the future, even if the future you're imagining is only a few moments away. It's impossible to experience anxiety if our awarness is focused on the present moment.

So....since it's all just an event taking place in our imagination (which our bodies respond to like it's actually happening right NOW) why not try imagining something that makes you feel relaxed or curious or playful......

Practice imagining desireable outcomes when you're playing.

I find the best solution is to REALLY know your stuff... confidence comes in the surety from doing it a MILLION (maybe a bit more) times before, doing completely solo guitar performances taught me this the hard way.. Just because you can play it, doesnt mean you know it...

Similarly if you having trouble with improvising infront of people, you can remove some of the impromptu nature by knowing ****loads of licks to fall back on, or completely understanding how your note choices relate to the chords and what else is going on..

to me, anything that gives me a more solid basis than "oh Ill just see what happens" really helped. YMMV

A classic exercise in psych class is to assign a student a simple task.
Then offer a reward for successful completion of said task.
Keep upping the attractiveness of the reward.
As the reward gets 'better' the frequency of successful completion lessens.

*They're focusing on the reward (or the consequence) and not the task at hand.

The hot girls are supposed to be on stage with you ...
https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-3WodXe1NXY4/SSjo_6AsKEI/AAAAAAAAAos/kWANxmiA5p8/664710923_l.jpg

you're not playing a tele i can't believe it