Make up a lie about the poster above you!

Ah, look at all the fibbing people
Ah, look at all the fibbing people

Hoodie McFoodie picks up some lettuce near a bridge where a Manatee has been
Lives in a dream
Skulks around Taaamworth, writing his lies that he keeps in a jar by the door
Who are they for?

All the fibbing people
Where do they all come from?
All the lying people
Where do they all belong?

Poor old McFoodie writing his lies on an Esteban forum that no one will heed
'cause they can't read.
Look at him working, crafting his fibs in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

All the lying people
Where do they all come from? (Taaamworth)
All the fibbing people
Where do they all belong?

Following an excessive case of Hiccups, Esaaal began to rhyme his lies. It didn't have anything to do with the Hiccups but it does keep his mind off them.

Telle was aressted late Tuesday night for streaking through a Presbyterian Church during a wedding while eating a snickers.

alscort93 was seen streaking at a local high school football game to the sound of loud snickers while yelling " The water was cold! REALLY!!! Freeezing!!"

JS has decided that streaking is for youngsters. His alternative is to stroll though public places wearing only his Doc Martens and his tele-print boxers.

Mike is currently running for Mayor of Culver City. However, he's taking a slightly different approach to his campaign. Instead of wearing the usual "suit & tie" apparel, he's decided that a "patriotic" theme is much more in order. His campaign attire includes a "stars-n-stripes" thong with matching tennies and baseball cap. The folks of Culver City aren't opposed to this by any means - some of the younger female citizens are actually finding this quite amusing - but the old-timers are particulary upset over the fact that Mike wants to change the name of Culver City to Manateeville, as if changing the name of Ballona Creek to Baloney Creek wasn't enough.

jp is off on a pilgrimage to Linden, to visit the home where Matthew Dinsdale stayed during his 1844 journey to the U.S. It turns out the Dinsdale and Pridx families are both originally from Askrigg in the Yorkshire Dales.

tgfmike is only a Nurse Practioner of Teleocity. Shhhhhhhhh.

A93 likes the sound of this place called "Teleo City" - he wonders if he can be a porter in Teleo City's hospital.

SP lists so heavily to the left that he can only walk in circles.

They call him "porter" at work, even though he's a double-glazing salesman.

RSG shoots penguins for sport.

<no lie>I'm going to assume als means 'shoots photographs of', because the alternative is so crude and not in keeping with the spirit of this thread.</no lie>

als likes to dress up like The Penguin. He especially likes posing with the cigarette holder clenched in his teeth.

When tgfm plays his guitar vigorously you can actually see the words "BOOM! POW! and ZOWIE!"

When Esaaal plays his guitar vigorously the buttons pop on his suspenders. He is actually thinking of developing a new pedal call the suspender.

Boblets taught Michael J. Dundee everything he knew.

als learned everything he knows from Paul Hogan.

Dr T-Mike learned whatever he knows from Hulk Hogan. Yeah, brother!

An avid skater all her life, Penny has recently joined the local women's roller derby team, the Montpelier Pile Drivers. Her nom de guerre is Penny Centurion.

Hollowman is an amateur skater. His schoolboy error was to take his tricked-out deck to the ice rink.

Oops - ignore!

spikypaddy, an amateur liar still on L plates is studying hard to pass the test to gain his full licence.

Boblets spent AU$ 4,000 for the vanity plate "WRVPLKX"; when asked what it meant, he responded "btfskplt" with his tongue out, in a very cheeky manner.

Penny was overheard the other day commenting to JackStraw that there's only one thing better than a 250S, and that's a 280SL or a 280SE, and there's only one thing better than a 350SL and that's a 280CE or a 350SLC or a 300SEL V8!

3 of the wheels on Hoodie's bus go round and round, round and round. The fourth wheel goes flibber eeeeek, flibber eeeeek.

Esaaal has a 37' diameter hamster wheel he uses to raise and lower the drawbridge. It gives him a great aerobic workout but the UPS guy is tired of waiting and started throwing the packages in his general direction from the other side of the moat.

Jack straw once appeared in an episode of "knight Rider" as the Hoffs Body double during a love scene.

GG1313 is doubly unlucky and has taken to haunting toilet ducks in an effort to clean up his act.

rsg designed the neck and nozzle for the Toilet Duck container. The design just came to him one morning while he was feeding the ducks down at the lake and singing Feed The Birds from Mary Poppins in a soft falsetto.

tgfm sells Halloween M+M's to trick or treaters for tuppence a bag. Actually, he provides this service to anyone knocking on his door throughout the year.

JS refuses to answer the door for any reason. This has amounted to thousands of complaints on the Internet to various box stores about their poor delivery. He doesn't understand why they can't just wait patiently outside until he leaves for work at 3:00am or meet him at the Fish Bait store he runs.

Telle has been the stunt double for Jackie Chan in a couple of flicks.

TUTM's chance at 15 minutes of fame has slipped away again. His heart leapt when a camera crew from 60 minutes knocked on his door this morning. Unfortunately they only wanted him to shift his Silverado out of shot so it didn't spoil the feature on his next door neighbour's new Hybrid Honda Skidmaster.

almost94 is having trouble with his doorbell. He wanted it to play Westminster Chimes but it is programmed for a Lady Gaga medley.

alscort1 was a Pict chieftain in 322 BC, something that a93 is apt to brag about after his second beer.

Also in 322 BC, one of chez's ancestors was the third Centurion from the left in the second wave of the Third Battle of Cait.

TGFM is positive that in a future life he will be Shirley Maclaine.

Tutm is the current Shirley Maclain. And suspects he may have been Shirley Maclain back when she was a senator in Augustus Ceaser's Rome. He is not so sure he was the Shirley Maclaine that invented the Sturmey Archer 3-speed bicycle hub, but wishes he was.

vtcyclist moved from New York State to Vermont ten years ago. Although his kids were born in Vermont, he's tired of the locals always saying "if your cat has kittens in the oven, that doesn't make them muffins." His neighbor, Bucky,who moved to Vermont 25 years ago from Maryland, doesn't understand what Cliff and them down to the General Store mean when they say that.

Penny moved to New Hampshah from "out west". She has a brother Larry, a brother Darrel and another brother Darrel. They play in a banjo quartet. Just the brothahs, not Penny.

f0vTFZRwE0c

VT designed these jackets worn by Buck & Don. Sequins are his forte.

Simonc moved to Perth from Christmas Island - actually he was asked to leave after he was caught busking 'How'd ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?' outside the main detention centre.
PhsiZW9TO7s

nrand thought a tenor was something you tipped a cabbie.

simonc is the best guitar player and the best lookin' guy that I haven't seen before.

After a visit to the bathroom one morning after a large night out, telechaser stormed through the house threatening to sue the maker of the bathroom mirror for reflecting a truly shocking image.

-------, you're so vain, you probably think this lie is about you, don't you don't you?

Ezyout hitchhiked to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun. He missed it by a week.

JS's old girlfriend called to say the walls fell down. He thought she was talking about the night before, but she actually meant the house he had been remodeling. He then asked if his collection of Ascots was safe.

Tutm left the cake out in the rain.

Esaaal has replaced the printed circuit board on his DRRI for a cursive circuit board. He says his tone is now flowing smoothly with graceful flourishes.

PC got a bargain new top today...clearly must have been reduced because a dyslexic did the printing...you don't spell **** like that.

RSG missed too many attempts at his patented double back flip off the uneven bars thus causing dangerous attempts at interpretive dance.

tutm only flips forward. He says there is no sense in going backwards.

tgfm turns his hoodie inside out to get a few more days out of it before it has to go in the wash.

JS was so preoccupied wondering if outside in is the opposite to inside out that he reversed into a lamp post.

because he doesn't want to rack up excess mileage on his Mini Cooper, RSG always drives in reverse.

Esaaal sends the crank the other way with a flick of the stick.

RSG's therapy sessions always end up with his memories of "My Friend Flicka" and his ongoing longing for a pony of his own.

http://www.fiftiesweb.com/tv/flicka-1.jpg

Chez loved his undersized pony and fed it everyday but, it never grew big enough to ride.

< no lie> Aww shucks. Great picture.<no lie>

JS is a big softie!

Esaaal is the softie on the far right with the cool cap. The guys in the back are his dad and uncle.
http://softiescentral.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451bbfc69e20133f29f2b09970b-pi

Dr Mike is the board on the far right...

http://www.extremekites.co.uk/slingshot_kites/images/ek_slingshot_boards.jpg

...and he's a star!

the best waves on the Celtic sea are near Pembroke, where RSG would love to surf, but he is deathly afraid of sharks, which is weird because the waters there are too damn cold for them. Oddly, he doesn't mind shrinkage.

rsg was once offered a throat lozenge but politely declined thinking it was a CIA implant of unknown origin and function.

JS is not afraid of CIA implants, but he does fear there are WMD's in the form of carrots and peas and refuses to eat them.

As a TSA screener, Tutm was used to finding implants. It's what he did with them that got him fired.

This is the kind of implant that keeps Esaaal awake at night:
http://www.dvdtalk.com/dvdsavant/images/97needle.jpg

Mike pulls the hottest chicks in Culver - his pickup line involves something along the lines of "hey baby, check out this thread - 15314 lies and more than half of them are mine - thats right honey, I can lie all night long!".

simonc thought about only telling the truth, but decided he couldn't do himself such disservice.

RSG files his lies using the Dewey Decimal System. It's almost as fast as a computer, but that's because there is only the single author.

tutm has read all of the 15316 previous lies and graded them as follows:

excellent 1102
acceptable 9595
poor 4233
disgusting 386

T-Mike will be emcee-ing this years Liars award ceremony, date and location yet to be determined. He is stuggling with the name of the award, but has decided to use his decorative yard Gnomes for the actual prizes.

Here's hman's award for "Most Creative Use Of 'Garden Gnome' Or 'Yard Gnome' In A Text-Only Lie Or Half-Truth":
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_utx2TOgJeHM/SgXlqKW28AI/AAAAAAAAGu0/bqolKL3yakI/s400/garden+gnome+at+college.jpg

Dr. Mike is busy revisiting some of the 1102 excellent lies in this thread. He's going to use them in his acceptance speech at the Academy Awards.

Hoodie graded the lies as follows:

excellent 2
acceptable 9505
poor 5333
disgusting 476

He's way more choosy and a bit more easily disgusted than tutm.

of the 15321 previous lies Mike's opinion is that "they're all good-mostly".

Based on his research into the Mayan calendar and an excellent Discovery Channel feature on the Book of the Apocalypse, Esaaal believes lie # 15899 will be truly earth-shattering.

ChzDlx has petitioned the Hollywood Foreign Writers to nominate his 14th lie as best International Lie. Many believe his 214th could win best liar's adaptation of a true story. Seems the Aussies are making bold moves this year.

TGFM has entered the Dance of the Manatees as best animated lie. Esaaal's and Boblet's The Dinsdale Redemption is being snubbed. PC's Diary of a Pretty Normal Housewife should get a nomination.

In an effort get lies weeks before their public release, tutm has started his own awards group, the Texas Panhandle Prevarications Critics Association. Unfortunately, most people think prevarication is something to do with dental hygiene and no one has submitted a lie, although three people have submitted their dentures.

Dr Mike has been buying his lies on the black market. What he doesn't know is that Joel has been supplying them but Jim_P has actually done the composing.

PC is branching out into online sales of her lies
Check this out!
ebay item number 180630505259

bbbbbut Nrand, if it's really on eBay, then it can't be a lie, now can it?

http://img717.imageshack.us/img717/4674/pcbukkit.jpg

Nrand posts his lies on Aussieslist, in the Romantic Connections forum.

bbbbbut Nrand, if it's really on eBay, then it can't be a lie, now can it?

http://img717.imageshack.us/img717/4674/pcbukkit.jpg

Nrand posts his lies on Aussieslist, in the Romantic Connections forum.

Penny disregards the disclaimer, thus caveat emptor!

[the medium is the message]

^^ I'd bid on that except it says Local Pickup only.

PC's actual bucket of lies contains only freah, unused lies and is available for electronic delivery. No one has ever met the reserve so far.

tgfm road tests his lies at the local gamblers anonymous meeting. He always starts with "Never again will I ......."

Boblet's latest start up is company that makes "Aussie Fib Cookies" for restaurants to serve after meals.

Esaaal had to do a major recall on his patent-pending hi-tech Liar's Recliner line.

While the advertising blurb reads "it lies while you lie, so you don't have to", in truth the mechanical and processing hardware and software were so poorly designed that after an average 3 days use it doesn't and you can't, so you'll be forced to.

Having spent a considrable amount of time reading books about Korea, RS often dreams of the land of the morning sun. In pursuit of his dreams he has decided to open an authentic Korean restaurant using authentic Korean cooking methods.

So far he has not been too successful. When he tried to put a cat into a pot of boiling water the cat scratched the ***** out of his face and spilled the boiling water down his crotch and legs causing severe burns.

When he tried to do like wise with a dog it chewed the cr@p out of his arm then pooped on the kitchen floor.

He figures he just needs to do a little more reading.

GitHead believes shark fin soup should always be served with the fin upright, giving the impression of a shark lurking within the broth.

He's the new self-appointed Cultural Ambassador to the liar's thread.

rsg has a secret handshake that he uses when he meets a secret agent in the secret garden to exchange secrets. Shhhhhh, don't tell anyone. It's a secret.

The moment JS shook hands with that one-legged sailor, he was hooked.

The moment rsg started tinkering with that bell, he was enchanted.

RSG claims that UK curry houses serve a carnivore menu in secret, then blame the inevitable disappearance of pets on the Asian community.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2490/4161766373_7ed7b61692.jpg

"Oh tinkerbell, Oh tinkerbell, where art thou?" sighs TMike as he slips into vegetation on his love seat while channel surfing . He tends to get his Disney and Shakespeare mixed up in this state of mind.

The moment Dr Mike went below, the jib caught a stiff breeze.

< no lie> Not that old chestnut, Penny. :lol:</no lie>
PC reckons meerkats originate from Kathmandu

Hman Shakespeare for coconut drops.

RSG believes you meet the nicest one-legged sailors at the "Admiral Benbow"

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/04/18/e9/admiral-benbow-mentioned.jpg

RSG hosts the annual Wales' Shakespeare meets Jimmy Buffet Festival. They mostly do Hamlet using a Parrot Head and then everyone sings between acts.

74185

ChzDlx flys over to lead the singing after the final act.

<no lie>Late again<no lie/>

TUTM is busy planning the Houston Aviculture Society Buffet and Charity Auction.

Members get to eat heaps and drink until they are as p1$$ed as parrots.

chez now has links to 9241 youtube videos that have one or more of the words dinsdale, manatee, telecaster or liar in their title. He figures that if he watches 9 of them a day, he'll have seen them all by about March 2014.

TGFM in the Shakespearian theme has warned ChzDlx about the Ides of March, when he will make that quick jump between Dinsdale and James Burton. It pretty much changed TGFM when it happened to him.

TUTM figures that when he hits 10,000 posts on the TDPRI, his screen will open up and spew out 10,000 silver dollars.

Sadly, Penny doesn't survive the American Idol top 24 count down.

Esaaal likes Aeroplane Jelly http://www.aeroplanejelly.com.au/ which gives pause to wonder considering the likelihood that no one in Pennsylvania has ever heard of it.

Boblets doesn't like the flavor of Naval Jelly. He's so hard to please...

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31AGvqJNnAL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

PC misses smelling the blue mimeograph pages in elementary school. She even volunteered to print the homework for the teacher just to get the full effect. Somewhere in her trunk of secrets, she still has one page left and a bottle of white glue.

TUTM couldn't lie on the lyingest day of the year, lying in bed with an automatic lying machine.

simonc bought himself a lying machine and tried lying while lying in bed with it. He didn't mind the wheels and levers so much, but he couldn't deal with the tentacles and had to sleep on the couch.

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/228/b/4/Synthetic_Lying_Machine_by_sArdOniC_KYO.jpg

Dr Mike has all 2,745 volumes of Dover Press rococo clip art, well sorted and ready for deployment at will.

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/5936/rococo.jpg

Would you like Leslie Cabarga's forties and fifties cartoon set?

PC has taken up portraiture in an attempt to assuage herself of the realisation (English spelling) that you're only as good as your last lie.

Here's her self portrait.

http://img.secretzen.net/201004/1270112176_1146038157.jpg

After 9 straight days of lying, Hoddie suddenly snapped and started telling the truth. Once he figured out what was happening, he snapped again.

74285

tutm's avatar at gaiaonline, contemplating his next nefarious action -

http://www.pureanimegallery.com/d/6645-1/alucard-puzzled.jpg

tutm is always crying wolf. " Hey, did you see him wolf that down? Hey, look at the baby wolf! Where wolf? There wolf. Where's my sheeps clothing. I'm late gotta run to Grandma's house."

JackStraw! Quit futzing around and get back to cleaning my car!

SV is well known for driving from Los Angeles to New Jersey for Car Washes and back to Roswell for advanced research.

kcarc & kcas ,kcab...what TUTM asked for at Beautique...to reverse the result of his volunteering for the 24 Hours of Fanatical Change fundraiser.

He didn't mind losing it but now the money's in the kitty, he wants it all back!

RSG volunteers as a human guinea pig on the weekends.

Esaaal thinks guinea pigs are way too expensive and can't understand why no one uses farthing pigs instead.

Dr Mike once saved a guinea pig's bacon.

His Venus flytrap needs a hot breakfast.

rsg says The Force and duct tape are very similar - they both have a light side and a dark side and without them the Universe would fall apart.

Dr M was educated in Guatemala, where forces and duct tape prevent the university from falling apart.

RSG tried to breed Duct tape and Ducks and got Ducks with sticky feet. It wasn't what he expected.

After hearing RSG describe his latest love as a "Welsh Rarebit" TUTM was very curious. The wikipedia definition was not what he expected.

Chez will only eat his PB&J if the crusts are cut off first. The Jelly must be Smucker's Grape and the peanut butter must be Chunky.

Esaaal's most favorite lunchbox treat is Brioche slices spread with Aioli, watercress, thin-sliced seared pork belly, Thai basil, beefsteak leaves, matsutake mushroom sauté, shredded Casu Marzu, and a light drizzle of black truffle oil. In the thermos, Three Snake Wine (make you strong!)

PC was born Zhang Yeong. She changed her name when she moved to Vermont and dyed her hair red at about the same time. She couldn't do anything about looking inscrutable, though.

TGFM always attempts to look inscrutable when he comes home but he gets the giggles which gives him away every time.

Boblets never, ever attempts to look inscrutable - he doesn't need to - for his dead giveaway "attention getter" is the way he gurgles, especially around women and mixed company. He has simply accepted this anomaly as a part of life.

When Jim was 15 he tried telling his story to others, but they don't seem to believe him. About 10 years before, he was up late in his room. He couldn't get to sleep because he thought there were monsters under his bed. ... that's what every five year old would think.... Anyway, he didn't want to turn on the light because he was afraid his mom would yell at him. He went to get up to go sleep with his mom and he heard a gurgling noise like someone was gargling water or something. His bedroom door was open so he looked toward the bathroom thinking his older brother was in there, but no one was. He tried calling for his mom, but he couldn't talk. He tried screaming, but nothing came out. He heard the gurgling again and it sounded like someone or something was trying to talk to him. He tried kicking, but he couldn't move and then he felt like he was drowning. Finally, he don't know what happened - the gurgling stopped and he screamed loud. His mom walked in and he told her what happened, but she said it was all a dream. Jim knows it wasn't. And what's really weird is his great-grandma died a week later. The story behind that is his great-grandma was paralyzed from the neck down, basically, and she was sick well she was sleeping and she vomited in her sleep and she drowned in her own vomit. So Jim keeps thinking maybe the gurgling was a sign his great-grandma was gonna die. Jim always tells the truth..

nrand likes spoonerisms but detests freudian slips

Hoodie wears a slip with "Freud wouldn't be seen dead in this" printed on the front.

RSG has a variety of colorful smocks.

Esaaal displays a variety of colourful snacks from the boot of his Land Rover to entice the young ladies at the flower show to get a closer look.

PC is familiar with Land Rovers but the obvious hues of her wares don't look right against the vagueness of BRG, so she does her car-booters in a red Prius.

RSG was once in The Irish Rovers, but was booted out when they discovered he was Welsh.

Hoodie likes to bathe in Mr. Pib while crunching a Kit Kat or two. During this time, he is not allowed to be disturbed.

Esaaal hangs a "Do Not Disturb" sign from a chain around his neck when he doesn't feel like talking to anyone.

rsg duct tapes CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to the tops of his Doc Martins so nobody follows him. He also wears a cap with LOW CLEARANCE on the front.

JS complained when someone called him a "see you next tuesday"...to which they replied, "if the cap fits..."

Jack was frustrated to find that it didn't...

http://www.ghanaunited.com/images/cervical_cap.jpgc4.jpg

because of his anti cursing stand, RSG will use "sugar honey iced tea" or "HE double hockey sticks" when he gets mad.

Esaaal tends to stutter and stumble when he gets mad. Lately the injuries have been getting more serious and social services is taking an interest; which makes Esaaal madder and then he gets hurt and stutters and then social services shows up again. It's really a mess of a situation.

tutm tends to rumble, roar, and mumble something about not being the Duke, Prince or Earl of the forest but the King.

JS still wonders how Bambi became a girls name. He doesn't mention it very often, though, because he thinks talking about it might be an infraction of the Thumper Rule.

tgfmike only really mentions Bambi because it's the name of favorite ex-girlfriend and also the name of his favorite movie......both made him cry.

"oh Bambi, Bambi, Bambi" laments 9iron, after she has emptied his wallet once again. This time he plans to write a song, probably a country blues number, about unfulfilled love, and pole dancers

9irontele hushes himself before he putts and uses a GPS to determine the exact location of the cup not trusting his eyesight due to a stigmatism.

JackStraw ignored hollowman's post because he was offended by the obscene references to country music.

Batman is off country music after being mugged by a particularly menacing troupe of Morris dancers at a Hoedown.

JS has the correct boots, the belt buckle the hat and telecaster to be a country star but, when he sings, it still sounds like Dylan meets Metallica.

Esaaal always mentions "Bambi" because it's his favourite episode of The Young Ones.


JS maintains a Telex terminal by his bedside, waiting for notification of a recording contract from Emile Berliner Records -- although his service has been disconnected since 1976.

PC just found out that her vast collection of 1960's Easy Bake Ovens have been made worthless because regular light bulbs can no longer be used. She is now looking into other retirement options.

<no lie. nrand's spelling has deteriorated. The word is spelt mum nrand not mom, unless of course you are desperately trying for a USA green card. :lol:<no lie>

As a fan of The Young Ones ,Penny is proud of her knowledge of the show's characters.
In her own mind she always refers to Mike's inflatable doll as Barbi and to this day she uses Neil's boiled lentil recipe.

TUTM has recently updated his retirement options. He has moved the date of his retirement from 2014 to 2037.

chez has his won inflatable Bambi that he takes along whenver he visits Nudgee Beach
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31C0eaNtYTL._SL500_.jpg

Chez thought he was done in '89 and was looking forward to a life of beer and guitars.

Then he met a bloke called Peter Greenbaum and they decided to start a pool-cleaning business.

He's looked back every day since.

Dr M thinks bambi is the plural of bamboo.

T-Mike's favorite inflatable always has a look of permanent surprise on her face

hollowman gives his girlfriend everything she needs...air and the best 20 seconds of his life.

RSG upgraded his ottoman to a divan, his couch to a sette and his recliner to a chaise.

hman put bamboo and teles together and ended up with this

A gentleman's got a walking stick
A seaman's got a gaff
And the merry men of Robin Hood
They used a quarterstaff
On the Spanish plains inside their canes
They hide their ruddy swords
But we make free with an old tel-ee
And everyone applauds

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - Hey!
Me ol' tel-ee, me ol' tel-ee
You'd better never bother with me ol' tel-ee
You can have me hat or me grape jel-ee
But you'd better never bother with me ol' tel-ee

Esaaal upgraded his marionette to a hand puppet and now has become quite the conversationalist.

TUTM has long suspected that this thread morphed into " make up a lie about the poster immediately behind the poster above you". Dr. Mike is concerned about this, and rubs his chin reflectively.

tutm thinks Penny is correct.

TGFM thinks no one is correct but will give each the benefit of his doubt.

tutm carries a piece of paper with the words "the right answer" written in flowing script. Whenever asked a question he pulls the paper from his pocket and quotes it with quiet authority.

Boblets' piece of paper just says "Me yamo es Robertolets, no es aqua, Cervasa por favor "

tutm's small hadron collider just produced it's first wormhole so worms shouldn't be far behind.This development will save countless trips to the bait and tackle store.

JS says he doesn't need no stinkin' worms. He gets the job done with his set of Rapala Down Deep Husky Jerk lures.

Dr Mike thought the fishing guide was giving technique tips when he called out "Jerk".

He wasn't.

5' x 5' sign placed above tgfmike's amplifier says "I can't hear you over the sound of my AWESOME - NESS, so please refrain from interrupting me".

There is a small placard on RK's music room door which says "If it's too loud, I'm too old".

chez and tutm both have t-shirts that say "What?". chez's is sky blue and tutm's is magenta. chez's means "What did you just say?" and tutm's means "Why are you looking at me like that? I didn't do anything."

The other day Mike and I were chatting. He told me his wife accidentally washed his tighty-whiteys with some of her red laundry. Now he is wearing pink undies, and kinda likes it.

LeroyBlues actually bet on the outcome of the Lingerie Bowl.

Esaaal has a regular spot at his local Bowls Club to play his cigarette paper/comb musical instrument. Talk about blowing raspberries!

Boblets would like to play bare foot bowls at his local Lawn Bowls Club, but he's afraid of the Bindii

Hoodie : I want to play after dark.
Mum: No way
Hoodie: Don't treat me like a child.
Mum: As long as you live in my house, you'll do as I say.
Hoodie: Can I play early in the morning?

tutm wants to play After Dark, but the band leader is adamant - no Bee Gees. Ever.

After Midnight, T-Mike will let it all hang out. By 4pm he tucks it all back in again.

In the school production of Robin Hood Esaaal wanted to play the Sheriff of Nottingham but was cast as Friar Tuck instead. The director said that way the school would save on a fat suit and a bald wig.

Chez gets a bit tongue-tied saying "Friar Tuck" but also receives credit for being a Triar.

RSG will only play bar chords when he gigs at a pub.

As PC collects her things to leave the Bar, she makes a mental note to negotiate more money and less band shots the next time.

As PC collects her things to leave the Bar, she makes a mental note to negotiate more money and less band shots the next time.

It's not the band shots, it's more the rim shots (!)

http://www.unitednothing.net/site_images/Pictures/rimshot1e.gif

PC doesn't mind rim shots, as long as they are 3-pointers.

Whenever Dr Mike takes a shot he whistles "Sweet Georgia Brown".

chezdeluxe took one hit to the body, and it came straight from the heart.

And now for something completely different, Hoodie is in favour of the new carbon tax - for no apparent reason!!

Boblets is Justin Biebers' dad.

Hoodie invented Bieber's hair.

Esaaal thinks Bieber and Ozzy should record together and he wants to go on the road with them.

tutm sees the Bieber/Osbourne connection as a huge money-maker and is angling to become their manager.

T-Mike has volunteered to tutor the young Biebs on the nuances of touring with Ozzy, like biting the heads off small birds, worshiping Satan, and doing large quantities of illegal narcotics.

H-man doesn't see much difference between Justin Bieber Fever and the Shaun Cassidy craze of the mid 70's. In fact, both of their posters look good on his wall.

Esaaal's favorite member of the Partridge Family is still Shirley Jones.

Dr Mike's favourite member of the cartridge family is the double-aught buck.

RSG's favorite member of the Addams family is Thing and thinks it should have played guitar for a bigger part in the show.

tutm's favorite member of Sly and the Family Stone was Rose during her periwinkle hair period.

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/252/4613062.jpg

Tutm was dissapointed when he found the John Carpenter's "The Thing" was not about a dissembodied hand scurrying around The Adams's house.

Also,

T-Mike tries to style his hair like Cousin "It's".

Dr Mike's favourite member of the Stallone family is the cat, Sylvester.

Esaaal is investigating the likelihood of the comb over making a come back...just in case.

rsg's favorite member of the coyote family is Wile E.

Mike has practiced for 20 years to learn Chopsticks on the guitar and it's the only song he knows...

BadJaxx is an unpredictable kill-switch.

When Mrs RSG sees a new guitar in the house, RSG goes all Sargent Shultz, "I see nothing! I know nothing!"

Esaaal is trying to perfect a one handed operation of a number of activities.

So far he has mastered using chopsticks,drinking beer from a can,playing the trumpet and TV remote control usage. He would really welcome tips on handling a sloppy joe.

Chez has no problem eating one-handed -- he just whizzes his food in the food processor and sips the meal from his bucket. Oh, all right [sigh!] Bouquet.

After Penny finishes off her buckets o' swill and is stuffed to the brim, the matre'd at her favorite establishment offers her just one small mint, wafer thin...

hollowmans favorite tree is the Larch followed closely by the Osage Orange. His favorite mineral? Bauxite.

JS hates trees and has already bought 14 acres in the middle of the Mojave where he plans to build a house when he retires.

Dr Mike smuggled a brace of Bresse Bleu chckens from France to further his nefarious culinary aspiratons oh, and also to impress Mrs. Mike. Last month, his obsession was finding a vintage Pirelli bicycle pump in order to pump up the maltose-painted skin of a Pekin Duck.

PC concocted a new take on stuffing during her fortnightly cook-over last Friday...suave and oquine.

Despite her extensive, time consuming research, considerable culinary skills, and anti-malarial properties notwithstanding, the others seemed reluctant to tuck in.

"That plate of food looks like Timothy Dalton", complained one of the guests.

"Do you want stuffing, honey?", enquired Penny, sweetly.

RSG tried to Ebay a potato that looked just like Jessica Simpson, no one bid on it so he hopes to do better with the Jessica Tandy version.

RSG was able to sell his potato that looks like Jessica Rabbit - to Esaaal.

Dr Mike has started a petition to ban all Monty Python references in this thread.
I believe that the origin of this ban is most likely all the rejected sketch ideas that Mike submitted to the Pythons in the 70's.

For Penny, New England is more than just a regional name. It's a way of life.

chez was very disappointed when Coca-Cola stopped making New Coke.

tgfm was rather disappointed when Coca Cola stopped making Tab. He was the only kid on the block who reckoned he could tell the difference between Tab and Coke.

Boblets is waiting patiently for the day when Coca Cola makes good on their promise to him to make Diet Coke with Bacon.

http://bitchslapmag.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/coke-with-bacon.jpg

Hoodie would like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony but he can't think of a good song.

Esaaal wonders which is heavier a led zeppelin, iron butterfly, stone pony or Barbara Streisand. Barbara sounds the best through headphones but that has little or nothing to do with the question at hand.

Jack Straw is President of the Ong's Hat chapter of the Royal and Ancient International Morris Dancers Federation.

Burrowing beneath the single obviousness, Hoodie found 2 colonels, the brothers Cazimero.

The EKU football team are the only Colonels rsg cares about.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3594/3444977233_ff8b2d466e.jpg

Colonel Sanders makes T-Mike's favorite dishes.

The drummer in Dr Mike's band is from Kentucky...his sticks always look battered.

When ordering dishes at a restaurant, Esaaal stipulates that they contain food.

RSG always roots for Colonel Klink to be sent to the Russian front.

Esaaal brought up the rear for the main push into the Baltics

Esaaal has changed strings,swapped out pickups,used titanium saddles and even resorted to a double dropped D tuning.

He still can't get rid of the Plink.

RSG prefers to stay with Plonk. When he has drunk too much he enquires of complete strangers "Does my rear look big in this?".

Chez has a wild solo where he plays his tele with his feet. He calls it, walking the plank.

Esaaal's mother's brother is a bass player.

E calls him "The Unk with the Plunk".

chez takes off his shoes for the big finale of his Country set:

I go out walkin'
After midnight
Out in the moonlight
Just like I used to do
I'm always walkin'
After midnight
Searchin' for shoes

I walk for miles
Along the highway
Well that's just my way
Of sayin' I lost my shoes
I'm always walkin'
After midnight
searchin' for shoes

I stop to see a weapin' willow
Cryin' on his pillow
Maybe he's cryin' for me
And as the sky turns gloomy
Night winds wisper to me
My feet are cold as they can be

I go out walkin'
After midnight
Out in the starlight
Just hoping I may see
Somewhere some stockings
Or woolen leggings
Just something for my feet

When TGFM gets tired of simple repetitive lies, he immediately reverts to song modification lies, laughingly posts and then quickly speeds off to Duncan Donuts to reward himself. He does this knowing the next poster is going to stumble around trying to come up with something sophisticated. Most don't.

Tutm secretly grades each lie told here. He grades on a curve and throws out the high and the low scores. Lies that grade above median are logged in a ledger and given an account number. The accounts (per liar) are tallied at year end and the best overall liar receives a STAR next to his or her name and a card. Tutm doesn't sign the card because that would be crazy.

During the last Superbowl, Esaaal was secretly rooting for the Cowboys even though they weren't in the game. "I can't root for Green Bay and that Polamalu's hair just freaks me out" said the man himself. But ONLY to himself.

Road King works at Texas Stadium as a weiner vendor.

jimp got into trouble with the town burghers in lower east Houston after hearing a rumour that the stadium stood upon a large pool of Texas Tea. He went in one night with his V8 powered post hole digger with the intent to become the next Jed Clampett. He struck something entirely different.

<no lie> Road King, I always have a chuckle when I see Americans talking about 'rooting' for some sports team. The term has an entirely different connotation in Australia. <no lie>

In the battle of Kangaroos vs Wallabys, Boblets ROOTS for Wallabys.

(Sorry if I offend, I have no idea what I just said)

Esaaal firmly believes that the Kangaroos and the Wallabies play in the same football code - if only he knew.

<no lie> Esaaal, absolutely no offence taken, it is in fact quite hilarious to imagine that a prim and proper person such as I would root for anyone. Google Australian slang for the word and see if you have a chuckle as well. <no lie>

Boblets goes back to his roots for sloppy seconds.

<no lie>No offence Boblets...just giving Esaaal a clue in case Google doesn't get him there, the "proper" lie follows...</no lie>

Boblets threw the hat with the dangling sultanas over the squashed duck...grim times indeed.

RSG has a new band that goes by the name of "Roots." The backgroud of such a name is highly "rooted" from the various brothels the band members have hung around in for years and years. They were going to call themselves "The Happy Hosers," but RSG felt the name to sound a bit too much like a polka band.

The doc told Jim to eat more leafy and less root vegetables.

"F*** that!!", came the reply.

<no lie>If Esaaal isn't with us by now, that boy's egg was never anywhere near his toast.</no lie>

RSG always has the eggs exactly 3CM from the toast and the Bangers at right angles to each other, otherwise he will resort to JP's expression.

<Esaaal has supposedly left the building>

I just sold telleutelleme a fake Tele for $400 on Craigslist

pvc's 'fake tele' was actually a rare early Mosrite 350, worth about $5000.

tgfmike was recently called to task for emergency surgery performed on a Statocaster.....His response was "Hey, whatta want...I'm a Doctor of Teleocity".

Roadking tears up just a little bit when he thinks about the upcoming royal nuptials in good old England

hman spent 90 minutes creating this stretching-it-to-the-limit visual pun.

http://www.tdpri.com/telephoto/data/944/nuptiles.jpg

Dr Mike loves the USMC cadence "Nup,2,3,4. Nup,2,3,4....."

He uses it whenever he is "stretching it to the limit".

Chez spent a tour of temporary duty with the 101st Airborne, and returned home trying to find that "Jody" who was suspected of "taking away his gal".

Being the modest sort, Penny didn't mention that she took a roadie to Milwaukie to audition for this season's American Idol. Things were going great until she threatened to kick Steven Tylers a$$ for selling out and then had to be forcibly removed.

Hman woke up this morning, threatened to kick his own a$$ but backed down quickly. Fortunately he put his head in a cooler and he prevailed.

telleutelleme had to be forcibly restrained from crowd-surfing at the assisted-living center's karoke night

Donh caused a ruckus at his latest gig at the assisted-living place when he spiked the punch bowl, soul kissed the young and nubile nurse, and refused to play Lawrence Welk requests for the residents. Fortunately, everyone was drunk enough to enjoy his medley of Buckethead "hits".

Penny left her martial arts class in a rage yesterday. Evidently there was no ones a$$ left to kick.

Through a misunderstanding, RoadKing tried to sign up for a marital arts class at the local University Extension. Much laughter was the result of his gaffe. Later, they all chuckled about it over a few Lone Stars and armadillo nachos.