Make up a lie about the poster above you!

nrand pretends to go fishing and comes home with slightly defrosted frozen shark. This is strange because he claims to have gone fishing in Lake Cootharaba.

Dr Mike won't hear a bad word said about a pineapple crush. Especially if it features a liberal dash of white rum.

He has the largest personal collection of cocktail umbrellas in So Cal.

http://familyfun.go.com/assets/cms/recipes/pineapple-crush-smoothie-drink-recipe-photo-420-FF0405SMOOA06.jpg

chez recently had a nostalgic remembrance of the crush he had on Pineapple back in high school (triggered by his discovery of the name of Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter).

Since then, he's found himself staring with melancholy through the foggy glass doors at his local supermarket at the frozen concentrated fruit juices..."Oh Destiny..what might have been"?

ScatMan always has difficulty lighting the center of his virgin Scorpion bowl for two

PennyCentury is up to post to this historic thread at 0434, because she wanted to snipe bid on a set of used guitar strings she's had her eye on for years. Unfortunately the strings sold for 3 pennies not just one. <nolie> Am struggling at this hour to come up with something witty</no lie>

vtc gas had his eye on a set of vintage bike tires on the Schwinn forum.

Esaal has an eye for vintage shirt lint. Similar to the lady that did the picture of The Last Supper made of lint, but their interpretation of the artist formally know as Prince.

Esaaal is selling the tires on the Schwinn forum. They're gum walls but not in the usual sense. Esaaal used tiny bits of Doublemint gum to patch the hundreds of pin holes after riding through his Aunt Daisy's Prickly Pear garden.

jackStraw brought in his bicycle for a tune-up, telling the mechanic that the tires are a little flat.

PC tightens the spokes on her Schwin to a perfect C using a tuning fork. Doesn't ride any better but it sound great.

<no lie> PC - Glad you survived the white out and avoided snow blindness <no lie/>

tutm tunes his bicycle spokes to B. He's willing to trade a little sustain for a more comfortable ride.

tgfm attached a Honus Wagner baseball card to the spokes of his bike with a clothespin. Sounded great!

To get a louder sound, JS attached a bakelite pickguard to his spokes. No sound except when he hit.

Tutm's bike tires only go flat on the bottom.....

tutm once attempted to make his own bakelite pickguard...unfortunately he used self-raising flour which, consequently, necessitated such a high action that he was forced to relegate his #1 to slide duty.

The backing singer in Esaaal's band goes flat if she becomes preoccupied with the size of her bottom.

RSG's backing singers are a trio called "The Howling Coyotes"

They are not really coyotes of course. Two are Pembroke Corgis and the third is a cute little Whippet.

chez's backing group is called Corgis In Heat. They're not really Corgis (they're actually three young women from Cecil Plains) and they are not in heat. However, they sound like three Corgis in heat and make an interesting inharmonic background for chez's set list of traditional Scottish folk songs.

Tgf's backup singer is really a looper pedal that he alters his own vocals to sound like Ryan Seacrest sticking his finger in a meat-grinder. Then he blends that signal with the vocals being slowed down to Barry White bass levels, and finishes the sonic soundscape with chipmunk-on-helium level filters.

hypocontredactyl drilled a 3" hole in the center of his Tele when he started doing acoustic gigs.

JS bought a copy of Which? hoping to learn how to cast a spell.

Jack Straw loves saying the word pterodactyl for no reason at all. And often does so in polite company.

VTC says "pterodactyl" often for many reasons. Usually it is what his little green army men scream when they see the giant plastic monster swooping down to destroy their Lincoln Log breastworks and fort

VTC says "pterodactyl" often for many reasons. Usually it is what his little green army men scream when they see the giant plastic monster swooping down to destroy their Lincoln Log breastworks and fort

Are you the guy that keeps looking in my windows at night? :mrgreen:

---------------back to lying ----------------------------

Hollowman is not!

vtcyclist not realizing that the house he bought has mirror windows installed is convinced there's a stranger looking at him when he looks out. Quite possibly there is.

Tellutellme is really the person who was caught watching Susan Boyle undress in her home. The police realized what happened, and who was being watched, and they just started vomiting in unison like a synchronized swimming team.

hrnr can sit and watch this animated demonstration of Boyle's Law for hours at time.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/15/Boyles_Law_animated.gif

Tgfmike drew that diagram with his feet, blind-folded.

HYBRR can clip his toenails blindfolded. No one knows why.

TUTM demanded that I post this video.

1n03a7cLf0M

PennyCentury has a vintage pair of knickerbockers that she wears on special occasions. Discreetly of course.

The truth is PC posted the Knickerbockers so she could see herself dancing again. Hint - 41 seconds in.

<no lie> nice Ric <no lie/>

The truthier truth is that tutm is saving a case of Knickerbocker Beer in his basement for a special day.

<no lie> nice moves, PC <no lie/>

F9 has been spotted recently sporting his vintage NY Knickerbocker's game tank top. Unfortunately he paired it up with the mid 70's version of the shorts

hollowman pared down his tele collection and used the profits to pay for private kickboxer lessons with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

This is the only bock SM cares about:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xDPaU8ruGHc/SgrJAZqUSrI/AAAAAAAADuE/WlbBV7P5ccQ/s400/lobo1.jpg

mike should know we drink Shiner Bock here in Texasland:

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRK6-p-ndBWYLn4cHnhiTetsRhI0AH6ZrRiZmMGIKgb6tTyabzHkQ

Meanwhile, mike has been singing the chorus to the Morris Day and the Time song in the shower (although he hasn't quite got the words right). His family thinks he's having a seizure:

Baaaak, Hallelujah!

cZKR-6jf_2o

ScatMan shoots geese and feeds them to his water rats - poor boy always did struggle to get things in the right order.

Bob hunts deer by stalking them slowly, then attacking and strangling them. He has been offered a tv show by Spike TV because the act itself is just amazing.

With the outline of a heart on his black tee shirt, his white Stetson and trademark blue Telecaster, Hrnr's look has become so iconic that he has been asked to become the 6th member of the Village People.

Easy Al's Lazyboy recliner once reclined will not return to the upright position. Family and friends are keeping him well stocked with provisions and batteries for the remotes until a factory authorized service rep is able to correct the problem.

JS is all prepared for the storm with five packets of instant oatmeal, a can of Slim Jims, an empty Home Depot bucket, a quart of Jim Beam, and a case of OK soda from eBay. (the Charles Burns cans seem to taste better than the ones by Daniel Clowes)

During the white out and blizzard, PC dug a tunnel using her bare hands from her front door to the liquor store three blocks away. She stopped only to do some quick ice sculptures so she could keep curb appeal going along the way. On the way back she only broke up a couple for Scotch on the rocks. All in all quite an effort and well rewarded.

Penny knows oatmeal, Slim Jims, Jim Beam and OK soda make a dandy casserole.Mixing the ingredients in an orange Home Depot bucket imparts just a hint of plastic that complements the Jim Beam nicely.

TUTM is crushed that JackStraw bypassed him and lied about Penny. Just as JackStraw may take offense at my endrun around his previous post.

To keep Jack Straw in the loop......I've heard of the "south", I've heard of the "South of France", I've even heard of "South Dakota". But I don't know Southern New Jersey. Southern New Jersey is really Northern Delaware in disguise.

Jim Beam is fine, but for vtc, JB always means Justerini & Brooks.

TMike is planning to serve Jim Beam in plastic cups at the upcoming Liars Club picnic and reception in Culver City that he is planning. Amazingly, ALL of the TDRPI liars have RSVP'd that they will attend.

H-man's penchant for lies is only exceeded by his quest for the truth.

Esaaal is going to start a thread about lowbrow cocktails. He wants to remind everyone to be safety-minded and to strain their can of Sterno through a slice of white bread prior to mixing.

He is also the tech who selects the ingredients for the various Chopped mystery baskets. His idea to show the Chopped judges voiding at the end of each taping day was vetoed by the network.

Esaal is actually the Dr. Pepper guy on the Gumby looking Diet Dr. Pepper commercial with the mythical personas. He had a brief fling with the tooth fairy, but she didn't believe in their relationship, and eventually cheated on him with the Easter Bunny. His response was to tell any child he met that the Tooth Fairy didn't exist, thus reducing her power/popularity. Easter Bunny was so angry he popped out a white egg with a stick figure flipping people off.

Morale of the story? Don't mess with the Tooth Fairy, she probably has an STD from banging a Bunny.

Penny counts Loons on Squam Lake. So far this January, she hasn't seen any.

She reports her findings to HRnR who imports the data onto a spread sheet.

Due to a typo, Esaaal counts looms on Squam Lake. In 22 years of counting on a montly basis, he's only ever counted one. There are rumors that he planted that one.

T-Mike was hired as a "Loon Wrangler" by the producers of "On Golden Pond". He couldn't wrangle any Loons but he did hit one with a boat. Henry Fonda snagged it on his line, coming to the surface quite dead. It caused a major script re-write and for the rest of the picture Mike was Jane Fonda's "best boy".

Using wooden Loons (Western spelling), TGFM manged to coax an unspecting Mallard into his kiddie pool terrarium / pond / marshland (so named to garner some tax relief). He plans on fattening it up for spring. He really likes that it has one of those little ferrels on it's leg like a string through Tele.

A lot of countefeit telecaster parts made with "Mallard" seem to be coming of of Houston lately.

Esaal would know, because he manufactures them using nail files and a corkscrew

Mallard reminds hrnr of Ballard which reminds him of his favorite version of one of his favorite tunes, Kaye Ballard's 1954 hit single, In Other Words. He's also partial to the versions by Nat King Cole, Mel Torme and Perry Como.

T-Mike has agreed to continue the LIARS wildlife research, and count the Loons in California. He's leaving for Sacramento, as he claims that's where all the loons are in the Golden State.

Speaking of Perry Como:

z84AYN6_iUY

Mike's earliest memory is of the day in 1954 when his Dad came home with a new Packard Pacific.

It caused a big argument in the house because Mother had ordered Ballard Blue but Dad said Red goes faster.

http://oldcarandtruckpictures.com/Packard/1954Packard-Pacific-ht.jpg

Penny ,of course has no memory of 1954 as she was only a babe in arms at the time. She is forced to rely on the drunken reminiscences of an aged Aunt.

Sunday Monday, Chezdeluxe! Tuesday Wednesday Chezdeluxe! Thursday Friday Chezdeluxe, Saturday, what a day, Chez rockin all week with you!

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our Esaaal.

tutm, on the other hand, prefers to rotate about face.

There is nothing wrong with your computer and monitor. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your computer and monitor. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind of Redstringuitar to... The Swansea Outer Limits.

Male Customer #2: I don't want a chezdeluxe! I just got up, it's too early for a chezdeluxe!

Pete Dionasopolis: Too early for chezdeluxe? Look - [ points around to his customers ] chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe, chezdeluxe.

Frontier9 thinks E-Z Pass works in bars.

JS is hoping to achieve a level of fame such that SNL will do a spoof of him.

Whenever T-Mike cooks Saganaki, he runs into the dining room with the flaming pan and shouts "Opa!". He learned that at Olympia Cafe.

JS thinks "saganaki" and "tiramisu" should be considered Japanese words.

JS thinks "saganaki" and "tiramisu" should be considered Japanese words.

They're Not????? :confused::mrgreen:

PennyCentury thinks that if she writes with words of questionable origin, that the rest of us won't know whether she is lying or merely skating around the truth.


<No Lie> Speaking of skating. I just drove down from Vermont (to Nashua) for work. It is a skating rink outside right now with freezing rain, ice, slush, snow, et all</No Lie>

<No Lie> Speaking of skating. I just drove down from Vermont (to Nashua) for work. It is a skating rink outside right now with freezing rain, ice, slush, snow, et all</No Lie>

<no lie>
Oh, and the Spanish word for trash or refuse? Basura! Seems like another word "borrowed" from Japanese to me.


Where in Vermont to Nashua?
I used to follow Ed Sanders* from Salem on my way to Concord -- found out (from his website advertised (http://www.edsanders.com/)on the back of his Saturn) that he drove from the Salem NH area to Lancaster NH via Rt 93 on a daily basis. [*not the NYC poet and member of the Fugs]
</no lie>

VTcyc thinks all words should be remodeled as Old High Dutch words, but in Igpay Atinlay

Where in Vermont to Nashua?

<No Lie>Thetford. Upper valley across the CT river from Hanover.</No Lie>

PC will be the first one in line for the new Mondo Huge Starbucks size coffee which will be called Ziada. (Swahili for extra)

vtcyclist thought this was the longest thread of yarns, til he started posting in this thread!

If Simon is absent from the liars thread on occasions it is because he has run out of coins to feed the meter.

Trips to the Perth Casino will have that effect.

chezdeluxe feeds the crows to annoy his neighbours.

Boblets doesn't do anything but his neighbors are still annoyed.

JS is doing his best with the neighbors and hopes to one day be known as "that sweet old guy who lives at the end of the street".

JS has neighbors but refuses to acknowledge they exist. He also raises free range chickens.

TGFM on the otherhand has free range neighbors who call him chicken.

Tellutellme has free range goats in the back yard. He saves a fortune on lawn care.

hibridgenotoll likes goats milk on his Captain Crunch but is getting tired of running around the yard with his bowl and a swimming pool cover pump.

JS is already tired of goat lies and would like to remind everyone that manatees are cute and cuddly.

Tgfmike is a manatee fan because as a child when he went to pet one, it nuzzled his face.

hrnr can man the harpoons but just can't manatee.

At recent fancy banquet Fontier9 was appalled to see Manatee Carpaccio on the menu. He feels that Manatee is best when grilled and served on a bed of lettuce.

As a result of the images induced by the above lie, the Dinsdale Manatee Anti-Defamation League has put Esaaal on their list of People To Be Shunned.

tgfmike claims to be the worlds biggest liar. He participates in this thread just to keep sharp. At one time he told unsuspecting buyers of his 1972 Pinto the sale is: "risk free". and "you can cancel unlimited warranty at anytime". and the extra insurance policy is "for your own safety". And when asked why no gas tank, tgf replied "less is more".

A true liar tgfmike is. At least I think he is telling the truth when claiming to be the greatest.

"Well dog my dugongs, not another manatee lie" muttered the veteran cyclist as he pedalled off into the hills in frustration. Last heard he was stuck in some backwoods hamlet called Mobile, with a severe bout of the Memphis Blues setting in.

Boblets stands in front of the mirror and repeats "Manatee, you talking to Manatee?", while holding a small squealing Dinsdale. He hopes to have an audition for TGFM's summer stock production of Taxi Driver.

Its strange to me that telleutelleme would even participate in a discussion mentioning his old name Dinsdale.

(telleutelleme, don't you think this might compromise that fact that you went into the witness protection program! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygg2KlicnOQ)

NYBILL denied witness protection instead prefering to stand on the corner with a cardboard sign saying "I'm not lying, I Need food and a good hideout".

TUTM thinks that by participating in the Liars thread he is building up points to be eligible for Musicians Friend rebates. However, the points are only good for hash browns at McDonald's.

PC won't touch McHash Browns as she is convinced they are using an archaic 32-bit hashing algorithm.

Mike has been "hashing" around himself in recent months. In fact, just two months ago he posed as Brett Favre in hopes that he could smuggle some hashish into a Vikings home game at the Minneapolis Metrodome. Needless to say, he didn't make it past the front gate:

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/jpridx/prisoner2.jpg

yuck, yuck, yuck, this explains why I saw jim_pridx and Mike eating brownies and toking off of pipes...and spinning in circles like butterflies while singing "who'll stop the rain" a while back. :cool:

Stratavarious believe that if he shuts his eyes, and doesn't walk on the cracks, the rain will not fall upon him.

Jim Pridx has developed a new gorgonzola cheese hash.

Mmmmm mighty strong.

Cheezedeluxe thinks he has worked out the chemical formula for Cheeze and now plans to corner the world-wide patents.

"CheeseMender" is a new product, invented by Nrand, that plugs the unsightly holes in Swiss Cheese.

Esaaal keeps his cheese safe in a lock box in a Swiss bank. When the staff sees him walk in with a loaf of bread and a toaster oven they know he's about to make a withdrawl.

At the surprise cheese tasting party, JS yelled "Hey everybody it's time to cut the cheese". Left alone he had no one to blame but himself.

Works and Plays well with Others..........

MrCairo46 runs a successful tuna fish business.

8 out of 10 jazz cats agree, you can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish like MrCairo.

MrCairo46 is here on the instructions of the TDPRI administration to evaluate the liars on the liars thread. He's already completed his work on "Funny Band Names" and "What's For Dinner?". Looks like tutm has received a favorable rating. tgfm has already offered a bribe when Mr. C gets to " Word association".

simonc is sucking up to hopefully receive a glowing report.

JS got burned trying to read a glowing report.

rsg was there on January 24, 1935 in Richmond Virginia to purchase the first canned beer ever, brewed by the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company.

...and I'm still saving it for when tgfm comes to visit.

RSG does indeed have a large collection of beer cans, including full ones. but he finds it much easier to consume his favorite beverage by sticking his mouth dirctly under the tap and chugging as fast as he can.

Hollowman has been at the forefront of beer bottle technology. He's invented special high strentgh glass alloys that allow for thinner glass walls so the bottle can contain more beer. He's also responsible for the "dome can" and the 'wide mouthed keg".

Thinking he was hearing things, hollowman again asks his Jamaican friend, "What? You have a beer can for breakfast?"

"Ya man", replied the dreadlocked Rastafarian, "beer can and egg".

every Halloween, RSG dumps a pot of spaghetti on his head and pretends he's a Pastafarian. "One love, one heart, lets get together and have meatballs".

One can't help but wonder how Esaaal fills his day...

rsg likes to fill his days with trivia, such as this list of famous people born in 1872:

January 6 – Alexander Scriabin, Russian composer (d. 1915)
January 14 – Kerstin Hesselgren, Swedish politician
January 14 – Gregori Rasputin, Russian mystic (d. 1916)
January 20 – Julia Morgan, American Architect (d. 1957)
January 23 – Gotse Delchev, Bulgarian revolutionary (d. 1903)
January 31 – Zane Grey, American writer (d. 1939)
February 1 – Jerome F. Donovan, American politician (d. 1949)
February 11 – Hannah Mitchell, English socialist and suffragette (d. 1956)
March 3 – Willie Keeler, "hit 'em where they ain't" baseball legend (d. 1923).
March 7 – Piet Mondrian, Dutch painter (d. 1944)
March 15 – Harry Holman, American character actor (d. 1947)
March 24 – J.C. Wienecke, Dutch/German medallist (d. 1945)
April 14 – Abdullah Yusuf Ali, Indian-born Islamic scholar and translator (d. 1953)
April 29 – Harry Payne Whitney, businessman, horse breeder (d. 1930)
May 16 – John O'Connell, American baseball player (d. 1908)
May 18 – Bertrand Russell, English philosopher and mathematician, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature (d. 1970)
May 21 – Henry Warren, inventor of the first commercially viable electric clock
May 31 – Charles Greeley Abbot, American astrophysicist (d. 1973)
May 31 – Heath Robinson, British cartoonist and illustrator (d. 1944)
June 8 – Jan Frans De Boever, Belgian painter (d. 1949)
June 20 – George Carpenter, 5th General of The Salvation Army (d. 1948)
June 27 – Paul Laurence Dunbar, American poet and publisher (d. 1906)
July 1 – Louis Blériot, French aviation pioneer (d. 1936)
July 4 – Calvin Coolidge, President of the United States (d. 1933)
July 16 – Roald Amundsen, Norwegian polar explorer (d. 1928)
July 25 – Herbert Stanley, Governor of Northern Rhodesia, Ceylon and Southern Rhodesia (d. 1955)
August 2 – George E. Stewart, American Medal of Honor recipient (d. 1946)
August 3 – King Haakon VII of Norway (d. 1957)
August 9 – Archduke Joseph August of Austria, Austrian field marshal (d. 1962)
August 10 – Bill Johnson, American jazz musician (d. 1972)
August 13 – Richard Willstätter, German chemist, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1942)
August 15 – Sri Aurobindo, Indian nationalist, writer, and mystic (d. 1950)
August 21 – Aubrey Beardsley, British artist (d. 1898)
September 28 – David Unaipon, Australian author and inventor (d. 1967)
October 11 – Harlan F. Stone, Chief Justice of the United States (d. 1946)
November 1 – Louis Dewis, Belgian Post-Impressionist painter (d. 1946)
November 11 – Maude Adams, American stage actress (d. 1953)
November 30 – John McCrae, Canadian soldier, surgeon and poet (d. 1918)
December 16 – Anton Ivanovich Denikin, Imperial Russian Lieutenant General (d. 1947)
December 21 – Don Lorenzo Perosi, Italian composer (d. 1956)
December 26 – Norman Angell, British politician, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize (d. 1967)

1872 was TGFM's favorite leap year.

Esaaal believes TFGM has hidden a secret message in that list which will tell him where TGFM's secret stash of NOS Nocasters is hidden. It's highly probable we won't see any posts from Esaaal while he works on this.

Esaaal went to High School with the guy born on May 21. In spite of the brilliance of his high school buddy, Esaaal still uses a wind up Big Ben alarm clock.

With all the snow around vtpedalpusher cannot locate his Sundial and has missed 12 appointments so far this week.

Chzdlx had to verify with snopes that a sundial works the same in the Southern and Northern Hemisphere after being stung with that thing about toilets.

Tutm's Super-Ego checks with snopes every few days to make sure he still exists.

Esaaal started the rumor that David and Barbara Mikkelson started snopes. Esaaal also wrote the Snopes.com wikipedia article.

Esaaal has no alter-ego, at least that he is aware of. But it was a really strange experience for him the other day when he was at the post office and saw what looked like a sketch of him on a most wanted poster. Odd...

hman has no alter-ego, super-ego or ego. He's just id, id, id.

TGFM calmly watches for lies which lead to a related lie; which in turn leads to another similar lie, another and another. At some point he will just puff up and blow the last poster away. Its been close, but it hasn't happened yet. TGFM's just playing with us.

Tutm lies back in his Lazy-Boy, rubs his chin and wonders "If I lie, about a lie, will I be telling the truth?" It's a lot to consider and so he flicks over to American Gladiators.

Esaaal has a Custom Shop Lazy boy with the right arm rest missing. So he can play his Telecaster while reclined in front of the tv. The Lazy Boy is made from vintage ash covered in the best Nitro Cellulose Naugahyde.

vtcyclist's pride and joy is a Gitane racing bike that was customized by the Gitane guitar division, with an ash frames and maple rims. It cost him 25,000 Gitane cigarette coupons.

PC has named her cats Kerstin, Nelly, Agda, Elisabeth and Bertha. After 2 hours of Googling, I still don't know why.

PC has named her cats Kerstin, Nelly, Agda, Elisabeth and Bertha. After 2 hours of Googling, I still don't know why.

And here I thought you were gargling for inspiration, or a sore throat.

Mike's past cats include Formosa (Siamese), Plato (polydactylic ginger), Skeffington (Maine Coon), MacGregor (Scottish Fold), Mary Agnes (Tabby), Freddie (Angora), and Scooter (black short hair).

PC's one male cat is called Tennessee (DSH tuxedo).

Dr Mike will not allow ANY male competition in his house.

He even insists on female shrimp and oysters from the fishmonger.

Chez has found that barking occasionally ups his cerebral chemistry just enough to remind him he no longer takes sugar.

RSG bought black market Aspertame

Esaaal bought Black Market Music for inspiration and a tankful of helium for logistics to get his unnaturally aspirated cover band project off the ground.

RSG's new Gospel, Funk, Skiffle fusion project is called "Black Market Aspertame Music".

Esaaal's new backing group is called the Herb Girls and consists of three women from Ohio who call themselves Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

T-mike got car-jacked on his way to Scarborough Fair.

I finally made it, though, and remembered Esaaal to one who lives there.

TGFM had a duo with a guy name Sol. Sol and Mike broke up over creative differences when they could not agree to share writing credits for I Remember a Scarbourough Fair Haired Maiden. It is rumored they may have a reunion after 30 years; playing to a sold out crowd at Baloney Creek VIII. The local papers are saying there is still bad blood. This has been fueled by reports that Sol still looks the same.

tutm attempted to sue Paul Simon over the use of 'still crazy after all these years'. tutm has documented proof that he was using that phrase in 1974.

Long ago T-mike sued Simon and Garfunkel over the rights to 'Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water' because he once tried to cross a swollen Baloney Creek on a rotten two by four.

Esaaal knows Art Garfunkel personally. They usually get together Wednesday Mornings at 3am, along with Cecilia, at the 59th Street Bridge Pub where they argue about who is the only living boy in New York.

vtc is a moderator on the Huffy Forum.

Esaaal just finished the latest mod on his metallic green Huffy Spyder - a front-mounted Easy-Bake Oven with the 100 watt bulb upgrade. He is the envy of all the 8 year old girls in his neighborhood.

He is currently rounding up as many 50' extension cords as he can...

Frontier9 uses his Easybake oven to incubate Platypus eggs.

JS uses his DIY melting furnace to cast platinum knobs for his teles.

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x310/Jammer_55/Electric%20Furnace/IMG_1039.jpg

Homerzepplin once had a chance to trade his wife for a tele. he chose his wife...

NHClassic30 is posting on a liar's thread in a parallel universe to our own and sometimes phases in and out of ours. Say hi to Homerzeppelin and Grooveyrecords for us wouldja?

JS personally knows all the superheros from bizzaro world. He can also pronounce Mr. Mxyzptlk both forward and backwards to slip between parallel universes.

TelleUtelleMe frequently walks the streets of Houston, muttering I scream, U scream, We all scream for Ice Cream. Then he starts all over and repeats himself.

vtc is Vermont's leading expert on American cycles, including I Scream, You Scream, Row Row Row Your Boat and 8237 others. His seven volume collection of cycles, entitled '8239 American Cycles' was self-published in a limited-edition run of 8239 in 2004. He still has 8231 of them in his basement.

tgfm is a big hit with ladies of Culver City due to his knowledge and expertise in the field of stable periods.

Horses, on the other hand...

rsg always tries to mount his horse from the right side. The horse just giggles a bit and backs away.

Boblets always mounts his horse from the wrong side, just to be contrary.

T-Mike had his favorite horse "Mrs Winston Churchhill III" stuffed and mounted. The horse wasn't quite dead yet and so Mike was again shunned by the Culver City Equestrian Club.

Esaaal was the voice of Mr Ed for the last two seasons.

tfgmike has been there and done that. He even bought the t-shirt.

HMcF's fav saying over the last 18 months has been "it is was it is". Other favorite sayings of his have been "who dat", "right to the moon Alice!" and "gimme some sugar".

tfgmike has been there and done that. He even bought the t-shirt.
Esaaal has been buying my t-shirts on eBay so he can pretend to have been there and done that.

T-Mike figured the best way to rid himself of bedbugs and make a little cash was to sell his undergarments on E-Bay.

And Esaaal can't buy them fast enough

BlueJ58 operates a small rundown motel on the outskirts of Chi-town. He is known as a very friendly manager, but many of the would be guests are a bit put-off when he hands them them the key and a can of Raid and says "Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite and enjoy your stay".

Whenever TUTM has pest problems he calls in cousin Dale.
http://th40.photobucket.com/albums/e239/Samv6271/th_DaleGribble1.jpg

"Fleas the size of rats sucked on rats the size of cats" is Davie Bowie's intro to Diamond Dogs but it's also the finale of Chez's trained rat circus.

Esaaal personally trained and named every flea in his famous flea circus. After the tragic accident with the vacumn cleaner, Esaaal found that Boblets and ChzDlx were missing and the flea shot from the cannon act had to be cancelled.

tutm, a fleamptomologist of note, is about to announce groundbreaking research on the development of a new flea which jumps thrice. tutm is not clear on the value of this research but hopes to publish in The Lancet.

Boblets has discover a rare poisonous species of flea. In anticipation of a antivenom market, he developed a tiny little jar with a cloth cover with which to milk the little devils. So far he has almost a drop collected.

Tutm adds a verse about milking a flea to his version of "Scarborough Fair". He usually puts it between the cambric shirt and salt water/ sea strand verses;

Tell her to gather a pail of sweet milk
From the skipping flea or one of it's ilk
From the skipping flea or one of it's ilk
And then she'll be a true love of mine

JackStraw wrote his dissertation about the use of select beneficial Nematodes in flea control. And found during his research that fleas have feelings also. That they are not just the blood sucking vermin that everyone thinks they are.

VTC found that female fleas are much better at doing tricks than male fleas. When reporting this to the local flea morphology association he was surprised at the number of childish giggles and snickers he received.

TUTM favors the natural echo found in Fort Sam Houston's clock tower so he has arranged to record his next single there.

tutm has decided to take up flea breeding as his new hobby, mostly because it is so much easier and less expensive than breeding manatees. Manatees are more cuddly than fleas by a factor of 10^12. This is easily offset by manatees being more expensive than fleas by a factor of 10^15. tutm bought himself a dozen life-size stuffed velvet manatees and 31 52RIs with the difference. 31 times:

Fender American Vintage Series '52 Telecaster Electric Guitar Features:

Premium ash body
Tinted maple neck
Original Tele bridge
Vintage-style pickups with vintage pickup switching
Cloth-wrapped wire
Wiring kit for modern switching conversion
Ashtray bridge cover
Vintage leather strap

TMike is obscuring the fact that life-sized stuffed manatees are illegal according to CITES, as the "velvet" is actually baby seal skin from Canada. Also, aren't you hiding seven Brazilian rosewood logs behind your garage?

Penny paddles her carved Brazilian rosewood canoe down the Androscoggin river and greets the salmon with a hardy "Hi-ho".

ScatMan is still trying to convince others that Androscoggin cured Brazilian rosewood is superior to the same wood cured in the waters of the Amazon. He was last seen running for his life from a band of zither playing Suya who took exception to his point of view.

nrand prefers the sonic quailty of the Brazilian Rosewood Digeridoo and the subtle complexities of the droning wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. He also likes them in bakelite.

Redstring guitar poops his pants and sits on it so it goes back in his butt...

(Me and my friends used to do this 'make up lies when hes not in the classroom and tell the whole class' thing in school to our friend, and that was one of them :) it's always fun to lie :D)

>no lie> Yes ,thank you for that effort JeradP. And what grade are you in now? <no lie<

JP is the mastermind who developed the new Gibson superguitars.

JS is the mastermind who developed carbon-fiber guitar strings in colors.

at the Mastermind Convention last spring, T-Mike was voted "Best Dancer".

Esaaal is challenging JarheadP to a Liars throwdown. Periodically, a n00b wanders into the field of fibbers battle and starts with a pee pee poo poo "joke". Esaaal wants to see what Jarhead's got for a followup. Jarhead should have added "and that's how he gets his fabulous Telecaster tone!"

:confused:

JeradP has run out of steam already...must've been deposited in a cold place...good, that way there won't be any flies or odour either.

I didn't know this was a hateful thread...

"I didn't know this was a hateful thread" is the first line of the chorus of JP's new country song, "What Did I Do Wrong?".

JeradP is blissfully unaware of the joys of the ignore list and the fact that I will never need to read another of his posts.

Dr Mike would never be seen to deliberately ignore anyone. He simply furrows his brow and pretends to be deep in thought planning the next Culver City Pony Club Gymkhana and Hootenanny

Here's a rare pic of chez from 1976 when he was fronting a Rod Stewart tribute band, 'Rodney and The Scots'. It took $10000 AUD of plastic surgery and a $4500 wig to achieve this look and it was so totally worth it.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/57/Rod_stewart_05111976_12_400.jpg

Dr Mike once fronted an accadacca tribute band called Scott and The Bon-Bons.

He always stumbled over the alliteration of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

chez has a suitcase full of Filtertron neck pickups from when he was Malcolm's roadie.

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee141/Girlfriend_Of_Itachi_Uchiha/MalcolmYoung.jpg

Wow, really? Sad, sad people, picking internet arguments? Yall have fun. Bye

Thanks for getting back to us, JeradP, you are the only one to be put right in this thread, ever!

RSG has opened up the great big bound leather book of the thread dead and placed his first entry. As he oft quotes Yul Brenner. "So it is written, so it shall be."

Whenever tutm gets upset he sings I Whistle A Happy Tune and then he feels better. Oddly, he never actually whistles a happy tune.

Dr Mike once had a vaudeville act where he was billed as The Amazing Mr Piccolo-The Whistling Ventriloquist.

The canary in the cage on his lap was supposed to be stuffed but Mike never let anyone get close enough to verify the fact.

chez had to fill in as the voice of The Incredible Mr Limpet when Don Knotts got the flu.

TGFM often does voice overs for small children. It supposedly has to do with a tonsillectomy gone bad. However, the money is good and he buys everything over the Internet so he doesn't get asked for ID. Chzdlx had a great role on a US TV commercial, but he was really mad that they used TGFM to cover up his accent.

TUTMe has never been able to get five "e", four "l" and two "t" chips in Scrabble, thus can't spell his own name, which by the way would be worth enough points to win the game, retire and spend his golden years playing.......more Scrabble.

vtcyclist chose his user name because he only had to buy two vowels.

tgfmike was once the head ringleader of the bay city rollers - a roller derby team from San Francisco.
Each week, they used to go toe to toe with Stealers wheel, a rival derby team from Pittsburgh.

simonc writes Vanity Cards (http://www.chucklorre.com/index.php) for Chuck Lorre Productions in his spare time








<No Lie> Someone else other than JeradP was taken to task for inappropriate behaviour in or towards the good citizens of this thead at some time on the past, but I'm not about to go and search through 368 or so pages to find who it was. Also I just wanted to clarify that RSGs statement about JeradP was, in fact, a lie</No Lie>

hoodie played the role of little brother in the 1984 video for "yo little brother" by Nolan Thomas.

8L0H_w9kBx8

Simonc does not know that Penny Century's aunty is Annis "Big Red" Jensen of the Bay Area Bombers, the real San Francisco Roller Derby Team. Interestingly Simonc has a signed picture of Charlie Connerly a blocker on that same team. Simonc purposely makes up roller derby teams as a misdirect while secrectly adoring it. TGFM was never interested in roller derby, but he did go to early wrestling matches and watched Pepper Gomez, the man with the cast iron stomach fight the Shiek. Much of TGFM and Simonc's political incorectness stems from those early influences.

Tutm's parents are Buddy and Judy Arnold formerly of the Philadelphia Warriors. He always wondered why they walked around bent over with their arms swinging back and forth all of the time.

Jack Straw invented a special skate key that is only used on the special skates used by Roller Derby skaters. He's made millions of dollars from that invention which he used to buy the world's biggest collection of Ovation Breadwinner guitars.

GB is planning to embed 93 of these in a cast acrylic body to make his dream tele, the Rollercaster:

http://www.marlobeauty.com/images/P/1650B.jpg

T-Mike was born in a desert, and raised in a lion's den. I guess that wold explain why he likes his steaks cooked rare and encrusted with sand.

<No Lie> Someone else other than JeradP was taken to task for inappropriate behaviour in or towards the good citizens of this thead at some time on the past, but I'm not about to go and search through 368 or so pages to find who it was. Also I just wanted to clarify that RSGs statement about JeradP was, in fact, a lie</No Lie>

<No Lie>Since tgfmike invented these "No Lie" brackets, anything I post and have posted that does not include said brackets are, to the best of my knowledge and without exception, all blatant lies and I will always view everyone else's posts in exactly the same way.

JeradP is by no means the only one to have been subjected to remonstration in this thread, believe me, I know, which is why I said he was. Must admit though, I'm a bit surprised at his reaction to my responding lie to his original one about me, given the nature of it coupled with the fact that I wasn't even the poster above him at the time, not by a long chalk...but this is, after all and by definition, the liars thread, how much more disclaimer do you want?

Remember, this is still the real world so before you step up here to bat, make sure you can catch too.</No Lie>

In hollowman's neighbourhood, all steaks are rare and sand is only ever found in fire buckets.

hollowman learned all of his moves from watching Christopher Walken's character on SNL, The Continental. His number one occupation is stealing women from their men.

rsg takes the little alligator's of his Izod polo's and replaces them with little red dragons.

JackStraw has a tattoo of a butterfly on his back. And the butterfly has a tattoo of a tiny drunk chick.

<no lie> Izod had to remove the alligators from their shirts when they lost the license to manufacture Lacoste polo shirts in 1993. </no lie>

Jack Nicklaus' line of polo shirts has a golden bear as their applique'd logo.
Greg (Brady?) removes these ("mods") and replaces them with a miniature licensed embroidered Nocaster.

Penny solves Differential Equations in her head for fun.

vtpedalpusher has finally mastered limited slip differential equations.

This has assisted in determining the value of x in the Gibson/Pontiac Firebird X. (x approaches zero but doesn't quite make it)

<no lie> JeradP might be able to blame his indiscretion on his apparent tender years. No such grounds apply to JPW2105 and his predeliction for romantic interludes with Goats. <no lie>

Chex has everything in his house covered with plastic slip covers.

Esaaal decided it was much easier to cover himself in a plastic slipcover than to cover all of the furniture.

Tgfmike loves the idea of personal slipcovers and is looking into a patent on human cozys that he can market under the name Mikes Membranes and Furniture Protectors.

VT is working in the slogan for mikes slip cover business, he's working on a rendition of Cypress Hill's - Insane in the membrane.

simonc has been marketing his brand of women's slip covers made of flexible polyurethane. Unfortunately, sales have fallen precipitously and the trend seems to be irreversible.

ScatMan has a custom made slip cover for his souped up moped, with which (or is that on which?) he delights at blowing raspberries at cops and then giving them the slip through the narrow corridors of his downtown Texan urban landscape.

>no lie:< Re the discussion about our friend JeradP, I enjoy this thread for the warmth and generosity of spirit that exists in the vast majority of outright blasphemies posted herein. I think it is to our credit that we do this without malice. I try to come up with ridiculous nonsense that would get the nod of approval from the likes of W.C. Fields, Groucho Marx or Spike Milligan. I'm sure that with a bit more thought Jerad could do likewise. <no lie>

Boblets has found that his cape doesn't blow behind him properly until his Vespa reaches 30 miles per hour.

Boblets wishes he had a souped up moped, but has to settle for this instead;

pGFWXG1TuJY

Oh yeah, and that's ChezDeluxe at the end of the clip with the stupid laugh...

To reflect the unfortunately growing cynicism in society, Hoodie has been chosen to be the first Liar to appear on the front of a Wheaties box. We're all so proud!

As RSG so elloquently pointed out a few posts above, anything not constrained by <No Lie> tags are obvious and blatant lies.

I am not the first liar to appear on a Wheaties box. That honour goes to Jack Straw. Here's proof.

70753

when Hoodie's bandmates inquired if he knew the new songs they had been practicing and if not would he be able to learn them in time, he responded "what, me worry?"

Here's the Wheaties box that Esaaal mocked up in anticipation of tgfmike's inclusion in the Liars-Wheatie Box Hall of Fame.

70754

The Liars-Wheaties Box Hall of Fame is actually a corner of Hoodie's laundry room.

Dr. M suggested Hoodie put a Snuggies dryer sheet in each Wheaties box to keep them fresh. Hoodie thinks they improve the taste.

JS is a bit of a health nut and whenever he enjoys Wheaties he uses 1 1/2 cups of Wheaties with 3/4 cup of raw New Jersey goat's milk.

Dr. Mike prefers his raw goats milk imported directly from the Bailiwick of Jersey, in the Channel Islands.

Hoodie finds imported goat's milk much too expensive so he generally substitutes locally produced sheep's milk.

Dr. Mike would walk five hundred miles, and he would walk five hundred more, just to be the man that walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.

Hoodie likes to get full value from his research and used part of his Apparently thread post in the above lie. He's also going to use it in the Anything thread and is posting the album cover over in the Random Picture thread.

Hoodie intends to start a new import business featuring "products from the past". His first acquisition will be Brylcreem. Here's his first commercial; which he is starring in. Note: No Manatees were hurt making this ad and the dolls are from Hoodie's personal collection.

o6F4GtyRfto

TUTM has also been lobbying me to bring back the Scorched Peanut Bar

snGs-JouagA

Hoodie got that vid from JeradP.

Up until very recently JeradP called T-Mike sensei.

I got a PM from JeradP in which he claims to be somewhat of a bodybuilder.
Then I found out that he got his Gold's Gym tshirt at Walmart.

Esaaal on the other hand has built a Telecaster-themed gym in his basement, including a tweed-upholstered juice bar.

PlennyPotentiary built a Gilligan's Island themed jungle gym out of Bamboo in her back yard. After a vigorous work out, she settles down in a hammock with a frosty Pina Colada and a nice piece of Maryann's coconut custard pie.

JS installed a watercooler near the office (laundry room) of his house. He hangs around it all day waiting for someone to talk to about sports or current events. About 1:30 the mail man comes so JS wanders outside to wait for him. Soon, it's dinner time and JS sits at the kitchen table waiting to order. There's a nearby table with a woman and some kids but JS ignores them and waits for his server to arrive. His server usually slings down some cold meatloaf hardly bothering to talk.

Esaaal's story about JS is an obvious lie. Everyone knows the mailman never gets to JS's house until after 3.

tgfm knows this ^^^ because he sits in his red Mini Cooper all day across the street from my house pretending to read the newspaper.

JS never reads the newspaper but he often cuts eyeholes in them.

Esaaal uses the NY Times "Arts and Leisure" section to puppy train his Peekapoo puppies Franny and Zooey to impress the one neighbor he has left.

At the Ong's Hat Solstice Cottillion and Bun Bake our friend JS won first prize at "Darts and Leisure Suits". It's pretty much what you think it is.

Esaaal won first prize at the Ong's Hat Solstice Cottillion and Bun Bake for "Darts in Leisure Suits" for his creative use of darts where pleats are traditionally used.

<no lie>JaredP has left the thread</no lie>

TGFM when asked if he wanted darts in his pants, quickly responded, "I'm not English, I play baseball and football".

After watching his favorite film "Young Frankenstein" for the first time, tutm started sticking his darts into his left forearm until needed.

JackStraw is visiting a therapist today to have the bolt through his neck adjusted.

JS normally attends to tightening or loosening his own nuts but the recent cold weather seems to have frozen them hard against the springwashers.

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you you go where fashion sits, puttin on Chezdeluxe.

Chez Dux thinks a set neck is way better than a bolt on. and his nuts are always a little loose.

A police dog made a bolt for hollowman's nuts after hm was caught fishing illegally and refused to wind his neck in.

RedStringGuitar is one of "those" people that reads all the fine printed disclaimers on the drug advertisments. Every word. He is currently going back to school in order to become a Fine Print Disclaimer False Claim Writer.

VTC is paid by pharmaceutical companies to handwrite their disclaimers on a microdot. He's so skilled at it that, despite the space limitations, he manages to still write the disclaimers in calligraphy.

Spiky is the guy that reads all the warniings at the end of drug commercials. He is really fast and can easily switch to an American accent when pronouning Latin root words or those drug companies' made-up names. As long as they don't make up a drug named Jaguar or schedule, he's got a career on US TV.