Make up a lie about the poster above you!

JP lives at the far end of a 1 way cul-de-sac. When he leaves home he has to reverse 100 metres.


chezdeluxe, like all Queenslanders always walks backwards when travelling in groups. This is to avoid being charged with the wrongful gathering laws still on the Qld Law books.

ps Tell me you all missed me while I was away - - - - We're now in beautiful Aldinga Beach SA the best sunsets I have ever seen.

Secretely nrand knows that the sun never ever sets in Alding Beach during the summer.

hobbes007450 lives in a part of Auckland where all teenagers are called hobbes.

The barcode system is expected to become available in NZ by the time they get to hobbes100000.

RSG befriended a Manatee at the Wales Aquarium. He calls him "Robert".

Esaaal met a man at tea in My Grandmother's Teapot in Adamsville. Interestingly, the man's name is Robert and he has a walrus mustache. Sometimes life is strange.


ps Tell me you all missed me while I was away -
n! Where have you been?! We missed you.

Esaaal is almost famous for his Manatee Rodeo where he dons a cowboy hat and speedo and attempts to ride a Manatee around a swimming pool. The biggest problem he faces is the naturally slow pace of the Manatee where you almost need time lapse photography to see movement.


Mike plays Esaaals comic relief side kick known to children everywhere as Walrus Bob.

GitHead has a pet Manatee, and he calls it "Hugh". Think about it...

Penny was fired from Esaaals manatee rodeo for constantly trying to upstage Walrus Bob. Esaaal just couldn't stand to see a Walrus cry.

PC after discussing blimp technology with Ms. Othe decided that Manatee's were more interesting.

Anybody heard fron nrand? I heard he was in the hospital with 2nd degree burns. Shame thos light skinned people never stay out of the sun.

Tutm has a blister collection, thus his interest in Nrand's whereabouts.

Esaaal has developed a salve for sunburned manatees along with an SPF 30 sunblock. Both products work well and are low-priced. Unfortunately, most manatees have little or no disposable income.

TGFM has discovered that Manatees, aka Sea Cows, can be milked and the milk can be converted to a tasty Asiago-like cheese. Once his Sea Cow pond is completed, TGFM will be begin the importing of Florda Manatees at once. His cheese product will of course, be called "Manacheese".

Until he found the Wikipedia entry for manatee, Esaaal assumed that a sea cow was a woman of larger dimensions basking on the sand by the ocean - a little like the comparison to a beached whale.

Nrand please say you haven't been visiting Queensland for the Winter.

Esaal has started up his sea-cow rodeo in Queensland.He plans to call it Dugong Show.

Chezdeluxe recently joined a club called "Save the Manatees" in hopes of keeping the Florida manatee from growing into extinction. Just a few days later he received a letter from the club asking for a generous donation for baseball bats, baseball gloves, and team uniforms. While indeed befuddled, he complied. To this very day he has no clue that the Manatee baseball team was nearly sold to another club in Georgia.

<no lie>How the bleedin' hell is it that no-one posts for an hour and a half and then Chez and I manage to post near-simultaneously?</no lie>

Jim planted the idea of a sea-cow rodeo in Esaaal's mind. He once visited an ordinary rodeo and realised that the magic, missing ingredient required to make things interesting was water.

Spiky tells many girls that the missing ingredient to make first dates interesting is water. His strikeout record is the stuff of legend.

Chez's idea of a first date is to inform any potential girfriend that he's marvelous with his fingers. What the ladies don't realize is that he's talking about playing the guitar. Needless to say, Chez's strikeout record nearly rivals that of Spiky's, but he does occasionally score an unsuspecting groupie.

Jim P once singlehandedly challenged a women's volleyball team to a match. They spiked his balls.

Esaaal likes to take his dates down to the Florida coast for midnight manatee watching. This works surprisingly often, since he always tells them they need a special herbal elixir (AKA Jack Daniels) in order to see the manatees in the water. When they complain that they can't see any manatees, he gives them more of the elixir. Eventually they pass out and in the morning Esaaal tells them they had a good time.

tgfmike sits along a particular bulkhead located on a property in Key Biscayne formerly owned by Bebe Rebozo waiting for a visit from a Manatee he's befriended. Mike's named him Mr. T and taught him to say "I pity the fool."

What is this, Make Up a Lie about the poster and the manatee above?

PC has been caught up in manatee fever along with the rest of us. Her manatee is named Herman Atee. Herman has no particular skills, he's just good looking. Well, good looking for a manatee I suppose. And he has a sweet disposition. Except on alternate Tuesdays when he gets cranky for no apparent reason. Still, Penny likes him and spends long hours sitting with him, gazing out to sea. Her avatar pic is from one of those afternoons.


tgfmike sits along a particular bulkhead located on a property in Key Biscayne formerly owned by Bebe Rebozo waiting for a visit from a Manatee he's befriended. Mike's named him Mr. T and taught him to say "I pity the fool."
And now we're working on "Quit that jibber-jabber! You ain't hurt!"


What is this, Make Up a Lie about the poster and the manatee above?
Yes.

<No lie>I'd love to see a manatee with a Mr T style mohawk - that'd be the coolest sea cow out there!</no lie>

Alternate Tuesdays Mike likes to visit Penny's manatee and mock him. If that wasn't enough to make the poor beast cranky. Mike also attempts to milk him, and those animals don't like it when you take a grip on their nether regions and yank, believing you've got an udder in your hand. Penny still doesn't know about this behaviour... Ooops, I guess she does now. Sorry Mike - you're busted!

TGFM after claiming he had overtrained athlete syndrome, petitioned TDPRI to remove his 2 hour suspension for double lying, using Yes as a lie and for a prior conviction for reckless endangerment of a Manatee. The latter occured on a water sking and binge drinking trip to the Florida Keys. He mistook a Manatee for a single ski and rode the poor creature for a mile and a half before falling off. It's still referred to as the "TGFM" Manatee Incident in Florida. PC, though involved, managed to slip out of the state without notice. She now contributes anonimously to the Save the Manatee Fund as a pennance.

OK now mad, spiky is dedicating his time on the liar's thread to double posting. He has written a program call snipe_lie; which waits until the poor unsuspectiung liar makes a post and then Wham , he bypasses them at an Internet backbone and rushes in to post first. He has a Manatee as a trained helper for overseas snipes.

Little known fact: TUTM is in trouble with several humane associations for attempting to train manatees as snipers. It's not so much that the organisations disapprove of the idea of sharp shooting manatees, more that it upsets them that said manatees get frustrated at their inability to pull trigger - the lack of opposible thumbs is though to be the problem.

Spiky wears a gentleman's cologne with the refreshing fragrance of the sea. It's called Eau D'Umanatee and is packaged by Hindenburg Ltd.

spiky was feeling left out of the whole manatee thing and has started a project called Move Some Manatees with the goal of shifting a group of manatees to the Devon coast. Currently they are working on methods of warming 13 billion cubic metres of ocean water by 10 degrees centigrade. The best possibility so far is running heat from the earth's mantle. They have a long way to go.

In a gesture of goodwill, chez is organizing the Brisbane-Devon Move Some Manatees Cooperative.

Speaking of Goodwill, TGFMike scours all the local Goodwill Industries shops in case anyone has donated Silvertone tube amps, Kay hollowbody with "Kelvinator" logo, or an Airline resonator. What he usually finds are towels embellished with caricatures of Manatees.

While PC is best know for her dumpster "finds", including several MIK Jay Turser necks, a Carvin amp cover and a skull tone knob from Allparts; She is best known for finding a Save the Manatee T-Shirt which she traded to TGFM for his other Liar's T-Shirt. Since the disappearence of Moggl, the value of those T-Shirts has gone through the roof. Some are suggesting the JP may have convinced Moggl to hide out just to drive the price up.

tutm, have you been downstairs to feed Moggl yet, or did you eat everything??

Please tell me you haven't forgotten to save the man a tea.

rsg has come up with a variation of speed golfing where the goal is to complete all 18 holes in the shortest amount of time without regard for the number of strokes taken. In order to keep things fair, all rsg speed golfing players are required to use only a single Voodoo Hockey Neon One field hocky stick to hit the ball. rsg sg is catching on on all the continents. It's been banned in Florida, however, due to the number of injured manatees during last year's All Everglades rsg Speed Golfing Tournament and Fried Mozarella Eating Contest. Moggl came in second in both golf and eating.

Mike didn't place at all in the inaugural RSG Speed Golfing and Fried Mozzarella Eating Contest. After having taken a few lovelies out on dates the previous nights, he had spent an inordinate amount of time partaking in good ol' Jack Daniels No. 7 herbal elixir and got rather confused at the contest. He attempted to injure fried Italian cheese by hitting golf balls with manatees and lost most of his teeth trying to eat his golf clubs. Overall, though, he enjoyed the day.

no lie>I never realized manatees were so funny or addicting.<no lie

Spiky keeps a diary on "box wine" likes and dislikes. He also records which fast food goes best with each.

Esaaal is so taken with his new found appreciation and love for the Manatee that he's planned a vacation to visit our Aussie liers to meet a few Dugongs. He'll be carrying personal messages of greeting from Mr.T, HuManatee, HerManatee and other distant cousins. The WWF is underwriting his trip. Say hi for all of us Esaaal.

JackStraw is third in line to the throne. He wishes the other two would hurry up, 'cos he busting...

Hoodie has commissioned Wyland to paint the side of his garage with manatee images. Wyland hasn't yet come to gripes with the idea that you have to imagine them under the mirky water. Hoodie is such a realist that he doesn't care that you won't be able to actually see the Manatees. If Wyland doesn't come through perhaps Leroy Neiman will do TGFM riding a Manatee? PC has been busy doing paint by the numbers in case it goes out to bid. JP thinks a nice cheese spread put on with a broad palate would really work. Personally I'd just slop some BBQ sauce and peppers on the side and call it impressionist. $15 US tops.

TUTM loves Manatees...with farver beans and a nice bottle of chianti.



Hoodie guards his throne with a broad sword and aggressive bowel action.

GH likes to share a nice bottle of chianti with his favorite manatee, N. Hugh. Alcohol has an extraordinary effect on manatees and last week N. Hugh painted a realistic still-life of some barbeque sauce (Trader Joe's Smoky) and some peppers (mostly habaneros). N. Hugh called the painting Barbeque Sauce With Assorted Peppers (Habanero) I. GH finds it both charming and disturbing and won't allow his youngest to look at it.

N. Hugh, BTW, knows that spelling habanero 'habañero' is incorrect — the diacritical mark is a hyperforeignism.

Mike likes to dress up as Manatee Bob and entertain children.

He sometimes wears a little red cowboy hat, a bandana, and a pair of six shooters too although shotguns, bowie knives, and pipe bombs aren't out of the question either.

He's been arrested in the school yard on numerous occasions trying just a little too hard as children fled in terror.

"Come back children!" "Manatees are herbavores!" "Little B@stards!"

Why oh why is he is so misunderstood.


http://www.bones.org/pictures/manatee.jpg


Remember Manatee Bobs favorite catch phrases....

"Belch, burp, uh oh I think I'm going to throw up."

and...

"Where did my d@mn cigar go?"

and...

"Hey kid you ever see a grown Manatee bazooka barf?"

and...

"You find me a straight line osifer and I walk it for ya!"

and...

"Whats your problem?" "You never seen a Manatee hike his breeches down and wiz on a tree before?"

and...

"You think this looks dumb you should see Esaaal in his speedo tryin to ride me around the school yard!"

GH has vast experience with drunken silliness. In fact, that's the name of his current country/zydeco/alt punk band - Drunken Silliness. And it is perfectly appropriate, since their normal modus operandi is to get falling-down drunk prior to each gig. They have a loyal, equally inebriated fan base, and band and fans always have a good time.


http://www.bones.org/pictures/manatee.jpg
That is obviously not me. I would never wear a watch like that one.

TGFM has trained his pet manatee "Fatso", to accompany him on harmonica.
You can't hear it too well above water but you get the gist of it below.

Mike enjoys giving his pets cruel names, in fact the name of thier duo is "Cruel Names"

Esaaal has taught his pet manatee, Slim, to call him hurtful names, which I will not repeat here. When they get together, Esaaal has to plead for Slim to call him names. "Please Slim, call me a hurtful name, please, I deserve it. Please. Call me a hurtful name." When Slim is feeling particularly sadistic, he says, "No."

BTW - When Fatso and I do our harmonica and accordion rendition of Greensleeves it is an experience you don't want to miss. We'll be at Seaworld in San Diego every Saturday afternoon this month. Right afterwards, Fatso and Slim do a standup comedy routine.

Esaaal is so confused over being arrested. He told the officer the only reason he had that stocking over his head at the convenience store was to make people laugh. Apparently they didn't get his desparate manatee with a habit to support immitation.

Mike is attracted to women that resemble manatees and apparently they are not hard to find as he now sports his own herd.

TGFM tells the truth: His watch is a large Pawn Shop Turquoise Band with a broken Benrus in it. He won't replace the Benrus fearing it will decrease the value of the Native American Artwork. That and his SRV hat with the dreamcatcher logo are key to his individuality. He swears that Manatee Bob is just a character he plays.

Contrary to popular opinion, people from Ohio can be funny. Githead on the otherhand feigns humor only to lambast Manatees; which he believes are the only creatures that should be on the endangered species list. His analyst says this stems from being freightened by the Land Shark on SNL as a small child and then actually having Manatee Bob show up at his 6th birthday party. The Bazooka Barf is what pushed him over the edge.

<no lie> GitHead - I'm still laughing at Manatee Bob!<no lie\>

Even though they are one and the same person Walrus Bob and Manatee Bob are fierce competitors in the realm of childrens nightmares.


TUTM considers himself one of the great urban wild game hunters and has Manatee Bob high on his list. Just after Racoon Larry and his ex, snake girl!


<no lie> I'm glad you enjoyed it! My coworkers in cubopolis must think something strange is going on at my desk today with all the wheezing, snorting, and coughing sounds I'm making trying to suppress my laughter!</no lie>

Tutm has tried to prove to GH that manatees are harmless and courageous denizen of the everglades. GH isn't buying it. GH is convinced that manatees are oversexed with certain alternative leanings...

Here's a pic that Tutm took to prove his stand.

Artie walrus says

http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/6/6/128888095898066197.jpg

Penny likes Walruses better than Manatees because of the whiskers and also, as a former dental assistant, she believes most of them can be helped.

Esaaal has seen the potential for incorporating sea-cows in theme park attractions and has fired off his ideas to Universal studios. Imagine the double terror faced by kiddies if this ride also featured killer manatees.

__hoPFmXhLQ&NR=1

Chzdlx, jealous that they don't have Manatees in OZ has decided to train some Great Whites to be like the gentle Sea Cows of Florida. Last week he sent Moggl ahead with a bucket of Sardines to start the training. He is sending PM's to get additional trainers. Few are taking the bait so to speak. PC, however sees an opportunity to test her new Sonicare for Walrus' invention on more teeth. TGFM may switch from Greensleeves to Waltzing with Matilda the Down Under Manatee.

TUTM answers the call of the wild and when it comes to skinny dipping he just can't resist. Give him any standing body of water and off come his clothes.

He suspects his great great granny may have actually been a manatee but the few surviving grainy photos leave an element of doubt. And who really knows how fat and ugly mermaids can get?

But put TUTM in water and watch the beauty and grace as he flounders like an eight hundred pound mammal.

Neighbors won't water their lawn anymore as they are thoughtfully afraid TUTM might harm himself bounding naked through the watery streams.

Bird baths have also become rare.

GitHead has the greenest lawn in the neighborhood. He waters profusely hoping that a least one of his neighbors will take it as an invitation to strip on down and come over for some watery fun. The only real response he's gotten so far are the comments "great lawn Git!!!!" and "Why so many birdbaths dude?".

RK has mastered the unique talent of being able to turn himself inside out. This is especially impressive after eating. Unfortunately this talent has not helped him get laid as most girls pass out, barf, or run away screaming.

Dogs like it though and will chase him like their next meal depends on it.

Githead once tried turning a manatee inside out. The attempt was successful, but the authorities are still looking for him. The local dogs had some very good meals that week.

spiky has become totally wrapped up in manatee mania and spends his afternoons chanting his manatee mantra:
man uh tee man uh tee

It keeps him out of trouble and his guitar playing has improved as well.

The downside - he is so obessessed with manatees that the mention of walruses sends him into a rage.

They call Spikypaddy the sugar daddy of the Devon Zoo.

Anything you want, it's waiting for you.

Feathers, fur, scales, molting hides, steaming piles, you name, he's got it.

Name your price baby. Spiky's here to fulfill your desire.

Speaking of steaming piles Githead has had a great idea for an organic sauna.

Mike has changed his mantra to man-u-ar...man-u-ar....

chez is working on a homeopathic tincture of manatee urine. The big stumbling block is collecting the prime ingredient without having it contaminated with sea water. chez is thinking that maybe a variation of the fire ant condom will do the trick.

Mike finds the thought of Chez collecting manatee urine with a fire ant condom a highly amusing concept. As a result he hasn't pointed out the fatal flaw in the plan - the disproportionate size difference between fire ant and manatee prophylactics.

Ever since seeing the episode of Dirty Jobs where Mike (not tgfm) had to place a semen receptacle over the enormous penis of a very "excited" horse, Spikey has second guessed his choice to be a zoologist.

Ever since seeing the episode of Dirty Jobs where Mike (not tgfm) had to place a semen receptacle over the enormous penis of a very "excited" horse, Spikey has second guessed his choice to be a zoologist.

Road King is waiting for TGFM to reply "This post no good without pics"

Chez is determined to be in charge of an army consisting of a single soldier so that he can shout... (Wait for it!)




Man... At ease!

Chez is easily amused.

spiky has grown tired of all the manatee business and has decided to take up an interest in a local Devon animal species, namely the Greater Horseshoe Bat, of which a third of the UK population resides in the Devon area. He's joined the Devon Bat Group and is studying in order to be able to lead Devon bat walks.

TGFMike applied for work as an on-air announcer for NBC. He was asked to give a cold reading of the following script:

One hen
Two ducks
Three squawking geese
Four limerick oysters
Five corpulent porpoises
Six pair of Don Alverto's tweezers
Seven thousand Manatees in full battle array...

At this point, Spiky doubled over in laughter at the mental image of these Sea Cows all done up like Navy Admirals, that he dropped the mic (a five thousand quid Telefunken U-47), rolled around on the floor, and cried when he realize he had blown the audition.

PC subliminally swapped Spiky for TGFM while thinking about her imagined Manatee Navy. Secretly she loves a Man-atee in a Uniform, always has. She cut out the Beatles off her older sister's Sgt. Pepper album and would dress Ken up. Unfortunately her sister had documentation that the album was the first one sold not only in New Hampshire but in all of the U.S. Sadly they haven't spoken since. Hopefully TGFM, with his announcing job at NBC can bring them together on the next Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Very Astute of TUTM to recognize a pilfered bit o' Jerry Lewis nonsense. He's only one of a handful of Americans who actually appreciate Jerry's humor. TUTM won't be posting for a while, as he has sequestered himself in his drawing room to ponder why octopi have beaks, and also to devise a method to convert whelk shells for use as guitar plectra.

PC has booked a trip to New Guinea with a mission of mercy in her heart. There has been an outbreak of thrash metal playing among the pygmy tribes and she has the backbone to put a stop to it. She's figuring a few Tele's and an Elvis Costello record ought to do the trick.

RiadKing has proven the existence of tap-dancing Nuns, and so it is written that the destruction of the universe and the Rapture is imminent.

Can I have all your Teles?

The corporate answer to PC's question is No, but only because we're taking them with us. You should come to. It'll be fun. For a long time.

Every time RK comes to he looks around, then shakes his head and says, "Oh man. How many times have I told myself to stay out of drinking games with manatees?"

The answer as of today is 26.

TGFM was overheard at a Save the Oceans fundraising cocktail party discussing the attributes of manatees.

"Tasty critters" he said,"but they're a bugger to peel".

Chezdeluxe enjoys a good cry after watching Yentl.

Ol' Babs gets him every time.

Heritage enjoys a "good cry" just 'cause, for any emotional scene from any movie will most certainly move him into a river of tears. Sad, perhaps happy, but true!

EDIT (for whatever reason): It's the "blues" indeed! It's particularly bad for Heritage when he sees Barney Fife having a bad day.

Jim once met Stewie Griffin in Woolworths - or so he keeps telling his friends. "He's a big fella for a baby - and I wouldn't want to play musical statues against him, he seems able to stand completely motionless. Rude critter, though, ignored me when I spoke to him. I'll no longer watch that Family Guy."

His friends haven't the heart to point out that it was a cardboard cutout - promoting the latest series on DVD.

Spiky likes redundancy. He loves the groups Duran Duran, Mr. Mister and Tony, Toni, Tone. He has only passing respect for Oingo Boingo.

Esaaal lives alliteratively. Every evening Esaaal eats elegantly engraved emu eggs from extravagant edible eggcups, enjoying each equally.

Alone in the woods one day with his prize sow, HoodieMcFoodie started thinking: If pigs eat truffles and mammals cannot digest mushrooms...

Hoodie keeps a flock of trained emus for hire to locals, who use the emus to kick down the dunny doors of neighbours they dislike.

Boblets has a back door installed in his dunny, so he can make a quick escape when the emus call...

While at the farmers market HoodieMcFoodie frequently asks, "But do you a GM alternative?"

HMcF has an ejector seat fitted in his outdoor dunny - for those occasions where you need to make a really swift exit. Interestingly, the entire "throne" will eject with him, enabling him to finish his business before landing. He's not used it yet, but he considers it to be a worthwhile investment.

Damn these simultaneous posts!

To be equally awkward - and in order to cause even more confusion - Heritage will often ask "You may have a GM alternative, but do you have a Ford alternative to the GM alternative." He's always much preferred Mustangs and Falcons to Commodores and Monaros...

Heritage and SpikyPaddy both went to a movie-themed fancy dress party. Quite independantly they both decided to go as Danny DeVitos charater from the movie "Twins"

Hoodie once decided to develop the fancy dress party-themed movie. He had the costumes and makeup in place, but has spent the last twenty years trying to work on a viable script or even the bare bones of a storyline. Nuthin' yet...

Spikeypaddy and Hoodie were forming a KISS tribute band. Hoodie was Paul and Spikey was Gene. PC was thinking of being Ace and TUTM and TGFM were switching off as Peter. All was going well until they found out that for realism sake they would have to play Gibsons.
Now everyone wants to be the drummer.

Road King secretly wants to be in the band... and is lusting after spikypaddy's prized encore guitar...

Batman invented the vodka Gibson, although most people think it's just a Martini with onions.

tgfm has secretly began a covert operation to get Gibson to even further over priced it's already over priced instruments. He figures the more people that bail out on the Gibbys and pick up Fenders which will eventually lead to Tele's will in fact cause the world to begin a harmonious twang. Universal peace is name of the game. And our man Mike is the guy to get it done.

RoadKing is the only hippie in Rockwall.

Road King is all for universal peace. In fact he wants a piece of the entire universe dedicated to his philosophy of Harmonious Twang. He intends to launch Teles (none of his of course) to the Moon and beyond as the ethereal slab/monliths of 2001 fame. He can't wait to see what the monkies do when they get close to a Tele.

<no lie> Sorry I slept last night, is the Manatee fad done now?)<no lie\>

TUTM dreams of Manatees blissfully swimming around his head. 800 lb mammals grunting, swishing, excrimenting, and making little bubbles. Lots and lots and lots of little bubbles, and floaters. Like a fetid, rank, uncomfortably warm, whirlpool bath.

But when he's awake he's a not so successful inventor. He has spent the last 20 years of his life designing a superior Telecaster bridge. The Telecaster suspension bridge. He plans on calling it the Mackinac TUTM bridge.

He'll be famous. They will probably host a parade in his honour. Erect a statue that pidgeons can dump on for centuries in honor of his achievement. He may even get a life time supply of Telecaster parts. But it's really not about him. He did it for humanity. Why do these damn Manatees keep swimming around his head?


<no lie> You had to ask! :lol: </no lie>

Githead with his swimming partner, Bubba:

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/jpridx/Manatee-swimmer-420x0.jpg

<no lie> TUTM shouts "arrrgggghhhhhh!!!" </no lie>

JP finally found out who has been texting him all those strange messages. He had thought it was TGFM or PC doing jibberjabber.

55843

Strange thing is he was beginning to understand the messages.

TUTM is learning a new language himself:

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/jpridx/cell-phone-texting.jpg

Only, he didn't get TGFM quite right.....LOL.....but he's learning quickly.

JP has begun texting out the following SPAM letters to unsuspecting TDPRI members:


Dear Sir (or Madam),
Request for Urgent Business Relationship Relating to Newly Discovered Telecasters

I am the group managing director of the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) and a member of the ad hoc committee set up by the federal government of Nigeria to review contracts awarded by the past musical administration between 1985-1993. The members of the committee are interested in the dispersal of past goods imported into the country by the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) foreign accounts.

Our request is anchored on our strong desire to establish a lasting business relationship with you and your company. We hence solicit your partnership to enable us to transfer into your hands a vast amount of discarded Telecasters. You have been recommended to us in confidence and we were assured of your ability and reliability to maintain maximum confidentiality relating to the origin of these Telecasters.

The Telecasters are presently stored in the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) vaults in Lagos, Nigeria. This is as result of grossly over purchased Telecaster’s during the late 1980’s by the Nigerian National Rock Foundation headed by the Honorable Umdabi Esaal Iammoggl. Mr. Iammoggl's estate, is represented by Jiyammi & OndobroPenny, attorney’s at Law in New York, who are providing oversight on our transactions.

I have therefore been mandated as a matter of trust by the members of the NNTC disposal committee to look for a foreign partner into whose possession we could transfer the sum of 435 units (Four Hundred and Thirty Five Telecasters in NOS condition) only. Hence I am writing you this letter; which you are asked to sell with the following split in revenues.
(1) 65% for us (the committee members) and
(2) 25% for account owner (you)
(3) 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses that will be incurred in the course of this transaction. This to be paid directly to the firm of Jiyammpridx and OndobroPenny.

It is from the 65% that we wish to commence the exportation business to disperse the remaining Fender Telecasters and Stratacasters in our possession (sorry no Gibsons).

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and guaranteed since the law under which our committee was set up has empowered us to disburse all the units found in the vaults and dating from 1985 till now. We shall commence the transfer of the units immediately we receive the following information by telefax:
(1) your company's name and full address
(2) your banker's name, address, telephone and fax numbers
(3) the account number and name of beneficiary.

The above information are to enable us put up letters of claim and job description to the respective ministries for the issuance of the mandatory Telecaster release approval/recommendations. This way, your company will become recognized and accepted as the beneficiary of the contract entitlements before the final delivery to your designated shipper.
We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your absolute confidentiality in this transaction. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above telefax numbers for more details regarding the transaction.

Yours faithfully, Nuntudu "JP" Manatee (acting on behalf of the late Umdabi Esaal Anmoggl)

N.B. This letter is being sent by ordinary texting for confidentiality purposes.

TUTM had a TELEX machine installed in his den, just so he could receive the next Nigerian money scam. His TELEX account is MANATEEUSA

PC wishes she had a den.All she has is a corner of the laundry where she has an ancient ticker-tape machine installed.

She gets the latest stock quotations at PENNY19THCENTURY

chez saves all of Penny's used ticker tape so he can use it for his parade. chez's idea of a hot stock begins with a bouillon cube.

Road King is all for universal peace. In fact he wants a piece of the entire universe dedicated to his philosophy of Harmonious Twang. He intends to launch Teles (none of his of course) to the Moon and beyond as the ethereal slab/monliths of 2001 fame. He can't wait to see what the monkies do when they get close to a Tele.

<no lie> Sorry I slept last night, is the Manatee fad done now?)<no lie\>

<no lie> No. I'm going to continue posting about Manatees until I'm banned. <no lie>

When JS called the Palm West Beach Hotel and Grill to make reservations, he specifically asked if they had manatees. The hotel clerk assured JS that the PWBHAG was a 4-star hotel and had absolutely all the manatees. You can imagine JS's disappointment on arrival when he asked about seeing the manatees and was shown this:

http://www.deservingthyme.com/images/hotel_amenities.jpg

Mike's cell phone wallpaper:

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/jpridx/cutemanatee.jpg

Cute little fella, isn't he?

TGFMike is in mourning, his pet sloth Sparky ran away and Mike was unable to catch him. He has dispatched a team of hunting tortoises and expects success by half-past September.

Next up: Lies in the style of a Mickey Spillane novel, and a Barbara Cartland romance.

EDIT: I'm not changing any more lies due to simulposting errors.

As a child, tgfm had a Manatee nanny named Loreal. She would tell him wonderful stories of the murky shallows. As tgfm grew older, he was more interested in the savage stories told by the family chauffer who happened to be a Leopard Shark named Willy.

It was hot, the way it gets in the Gulf Stream in July. Since sunup, JS had been stretched out in the faded canvas deck chair, enjoying the strange sensation that the intense solar radiation was baking out all the aches and pains he had ever had.

He could sense jp and PC looking at him.

JS rose slowly to his full 6-foot 2 and with a twitch of his head indicated that jp and PC should follow him down to the manatee outlook for breakfast.

PC had brought her Barbara Cartland romance. jp had not.

<no lie>I don't think I can do this. Both of those writers take 30 pages just to set the scene.</no lie>

The manatees were unusually rowdy that night.

Maybe it was the excitement of their first shore leave in six months;maybe it was the multiplication of enthusiasm that comes when a group of kindred spirits enjoy a few drinks.

Whatever it was Mike knew that tonight was not the night to approach Lorelei.

While vacationing in lagos, Chzdlx was struck by the local artwork and carvings. While working his way through the local market he caught a glimpse of a satin scarf, languidly draped on the back of a Manatee being dragged down the alley. In utter disgust he left Lagos vowing never to return.

<no lie> I'm with TGFM on this one, How about Bitter Pierce?<no lie\>

Those vows were broken 90 seconds later when he was chased back into town by a tutm-piloted Hilux full of keyboard and headset toting Nigerian scammer's, the weight of their manatee-like bodies caused the Toyota's suspension to bottom out over every bump in the poorly-maintained, heavily used road surface.
Perhaps he should approach Lorelei...not like Mike though...from the front this time, take her a bottle of Lambrini...always worked on the gals back in Houston...Houston, we don't have a problem, nosiree we don't!

rsg talking to his brother bluestringviola -

'What?' rsg could not let this pass. 'What do you mean, you were a wonderful shot as a child? You've never shot in your life.'

'I have. red, you were talking about Julia shooting Miss Mapleton. It wasn't Julia - it was I. She had made me stay in and do my rivers of Europe over again, so I shot her. I was a splendid shot in those days.'

'I bet you weren't as good as me,' said rsg, piqued. 'I used to shoot rats.'

'So used I to shoot rats.'

'How many rats did you ever shoot?'

'Oh, red, red! Never mind about the rats.'

'No,' said rsg, called to order. 'No, dash it. Never mind about the rats. Tell me about this Haversham business.'

'Well, when I got to the pantry, it was empty, and I saw Haversham outside by the laurel bush, reading in a deck chair -'

'How far away?'

'I don't know. What does it matter? About six feet, I suppose.'

'Six feet? Ha!'

'And I shot him. I couldn't resist it. It was like some horrible obsession. There was a sort of hideous picture in my mind of how he would jump. So I shot him.'

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Manatees were plentiful but their price had hit a 20 year low. Mike knew what he had to do.

"Sell Miss Havisham's wedding cake" he told his broker and then begged the innkeeper "More Please;may I have some more". He was ever so 'umble.

The sunlight, streaming through the open doorway, framed Chez's outline. He walked in slowly, deliberately.

TGFM's heart beat harder in his breast as Chez uttered the words Mike had been desperately wanting to hear. "I have something for you."




"This month's copy of Guitar World magazine. There's an interview with with Cherry Gantrell - Manatee In Chains lead guitarist."

'I've often asked myself the same question,' said a Gin and Italian Vermouth. 'Where, I've often asked myself, are the great handmade teles of our boyhood? I've got a photograph of my grandfather as a young man in the album at home, and he's just a pair of eyes staring over a beautiful butterscotch blonde blackguard.'

'Special picks they used to have,' said the Small Bass, 'to get all the twang from those special teles. Ah, well, those days are gone for ever.'

spiky shook his head.

'Not entirely,' he said, stirring his Hot Scotch and Lemon. 'I admit that they are rarer than they used to be, but in the remoter rural districts you will still find some of these vintage teles moldering away in a closet. What causes them to survive is partly boredom and partly the good, clean spirit of amateur sport which has made us Englishmen what we are.'

The Small Bass said he did not quite get that.

'What I mean,' said spiky, 'is that life has not much to offer in the way of excitement to men who are buried in the country all the year round, so for want of anything better to do they collect and exchange vintage teles.'

TGFM and The Case of the Missing Brine

As TGFM sat at his desk, not only wondering about the next meal but about the next months rent, the door opened. He'd seen a lot of Dames before, but this one was different. Usually they wanted him to get photos of their husband cheating, or make sure their kid wasn't going to marry that tramp down at the East End. Always the same, always boring, even for an ex Flat Foot turned Private Dick. However, just the act of opening the door clued him that this would be a different kind of case.

Her eyes were dark and slightly almond shaped, here eylashes were the longest he had ever seen. The water dripping off her elongated nose was all the more alluring. As she slithered in, he couldn't help but notice the curves, the angle of her fins and that long tail, Oh that tail. TGFM was entranced and couldn't wait to discuss the case. He knew this would be different, more different than anything he had ever undertaken. He struggled with keeping a professional attitude towards this, their first meeting. He knew it would not be the last. She opened her mouth and TGFM excitiedly waited.

Suddenly the Humane Society broke in and he knew this was going to much more complicated.

The Humane Society team was led by tutm, who, having dropped an e, shrugged his shoulders and said "ah well, he's only human...I love the guy!"

Meanwhile, armed with three cameras and a camcorder, RSG, the star reporter for Freak Babes Unlimited, came stomping into Mike's man cave and began shooting photos and videos as quickly as he possibly could. He had been following this goddess for years but has never been able to photograph her, let alone be within walking distance. Both Mike and TUTM were absolutely flabbergasted by what they were experiencing.

Both Mike and TUTM were absolutely flabbergasted by what they were experiencing

That was true, but none was more shocked by this than Jim P, who remained hiddden behind a beaded curtain. His hand was clamped over the mouth of his trusted sidekick "Hugh" the Albino Manatee. Hugh had a tendency to shriek at the slightlest provocation and Jim P. knew it.

"I think I need my stomach pumped" mummered Hugh. "Not now!" said Jim, "besides, you probably just had to many krill for lunch".

"This doesn't taste like krill" replied Hugh. Jim suddenly felt a wave of digust wash over him.

Meanwhile, RSG began ransacking the mancave in search of evidence..

Esaaal thoughtfully invited Mike to lunch so he could get away from the mayhem in his man cave. The plan was to meet in Denver the next day. As Esaaal boarded the westbound train (he refuses to fly and buses make him nauseous), he realized he had forgotten his tele. Then he grinned and went to his seat. What a great excuse for buying that Fender Standard Telecaster FSR Ash Electric Guitar With Vintage Noiseless Pickups he had had his eye on at the Denver Guitar Center. Contentedly, Esaaal sat back and open his copy of Red String's Manatee Encyclopedia and Care Guide.

as I thumbed through the RSME&CG I thought about my upcoming meeting with Tgfm. Sure, there were going to be plenty of Stoli Martinis, but after that,.what?

Perhaps Mike would want want to play "Rawhide" on Telecasters like he said he wanted to. Mike had recently learned the G and C chords and was probably counting on me to teach him D. "Fat Chance" I barely said under my breath. "How could a millionaire genius like Tgfm, with a collection of vintage guitars like his never learn the D chord?"

My sanity was starting to unravel. In Denver, Tgfm's sanity was long gone...

Having made bail, TGFM went cross-town to meet with his sleezeball attorney Ed (Edward Two-Hands) Esaaal. His intent was to free the lovely Manatee and continue with the case. He'd dealt with Edward in a prior legal matter involving grandfathering in goats on his property in West Covino. That had gone reasonably well except for the incident at the South Hills Golf Course where the 6th hole was chewed up by the goats. Fortunately, that was settled out of court. However, his thoughts were on the lovely Manatee, not goats, as he tested his driving skills weaving in and out of the bicycle lanes and lane splitting with his Yugo. He met Two-Hands at the Humane Society and was shocked to find that the Manatee had already been taken by a mysterious fellow who went by the initials JP and spoke as if his mouth was full of cheese; which it was. They had left within the hour, so following the cheese and cracker trail wouldn't be hard, especially given the sardine heads that littered the way. Hot in pursuit he got as far as the nearby sewage treatment plant and half expected to find something worse than the smell of the place. A rather annoyed worker named RSG with a pronounced English accent asked him why he was there. "Why we're looking for this really Hot Manatee and a shy cheese eating Easterner who goes by JP", said Two-Hands. RSG merely smiled and said "They Swam that way", pointing to the South duct, where his mate Spiky was busily cleaning up. TGFM looked at Two-Hands and said "This case is going to be a lot harder to solve, Let's go get a beer and talk about it". Two-Hands smiled and said "Anything for you Pal, just no swimming in the sewers". TGFM chuckled at the inside joke as they left. Two-Hands was already thinking about that pretty, but heavily tatooed bar maid Penny at his local watering hole. TGFM muttered "Boy, I never thought I would get involved with a Manatee. Nope, never". The sun was settling over West L.A., where the City never sleeps.

TUTM had begun to think a lot lately about Sam Houston. Not the hero that this bustling metropolis was named after but Sam Lee Houston who operated the Chinese Herbal Medicine Emporium.

If rhino horn and monkey glands were worth so much on the black market what would western hemisphere manatee milk bring in Shanghai?

Sam Lee had a great reputation as a people smuggler. Hadn't he managed to get Miguel across the border and into Culver all those years ago? But Manatees? That logistical nightmare would demand a special sort of operative. TUTM chuckled to himself. The boys from downunder might just slip under the radar.

The boys from downunder might just slip under the radar.

Chez contimplated his next move when he noticed the water swirling down the bowl in the opposite direction that what he was used to seeing it go. "Fascinating"..

Esaaal open his copy of RSME&CG as way to calm himself while he stuggled with tutm's manatee milk smuggling problem. And there was the answer, right in RSME&CG - Chapter 11 - Milking Your Manatee. A smile spread across E's face - it was so obvious - collect the milk locally, freeze-dry it on-site and reconstitute it in Asia. This could work!

Meanwhile in Denver...

Tgfm had already been in touch with his Taiwanese translator Hu Mei. Hu Mei would be the vital link in the Manatee milk reconstitution scheme. Hu would set up the transportation, the factory, the workers and he had all the local goverment officials (who issue permits) already paid off. It wouldn't be easy but the potential payoff was enormous.

Now it was time to add the muscle. Tgfm knew just who to call. He reached for his Gold Princess Phone (Mike dispised technology).

Esaaal picked up his pink Little Mermaid phone, knowing that it was Mike calling on his GPP.

"Dude", said Mike, in an unsuccessful attempt to sound cool, "I need some muscle and Penny isn't answering her phone. What's up with that?"

E was taken aback by this news. "OMG", he said, not caring how totally Valley Girl he sounded, "I don't know - I just talked to her yesterday. Try sending her a tdpri IM."

"Maybe you should drive over and check on her - it should only take you 8 hours or so."

So Esaaal got back in his car and headed east. This time he remembered his tele, which would soon come in handy.

TGFM, totally smashed, staggered out of the bar struggling to find his keys. Two-Hands had left earlier with a woman he had met after Penny had nailed him with a half empty Shiner Bock. TGFM hadn't cared, he was only thinking of the lost Lanore; the name they had given him at the Humane Society for Lady Manatee (he'd named her that after the concert he'd gone to the week before featuring Lady Gaga). As he fumbled with the Yugo's key he heard a faint squeal, then again and again. At first he thought it was his Vans on the slick sidewalk, but after the cold California Sea Breeze cleared his head, he realized it might be; Lanore. Stuggling to the curb, he looked down into the grate only to see moonlight flickering in a pair of Almond eyes. His heart stopped and he knew there was still hope. Suddenly coming down the street he saw the street cleaner, spraying chemicals and whirling that large brush. He shouted to Lanore "Quick, swim over to North Hollywood and I'll get a plastic tub at Lowes and meet you there. With a flip of her tail she was gone and TGFM knew there was really something special about this day. He drove off just as his cell phone rang and he saw the message from Two-Hands about Penny. "The Hell with them, I've got my own mission", he said.

TUTM had settled on "The Wild Bunch", as he now called the Australian liars, for operation Shanghai. But all those time zones were going to require split second coordination and how available were they.

Hoodie claimed to have started a new job. SimonC was miles from anyone but was the closest to Madagascar and that could prove to be important . NRand had only recently been released from one of Her Majesty's Hotels and was busy looking at the sun rising over a beach.

The toughest and fittest of the crew were both in Brisbane but Boblets was committed to his icecream stand outside Eagle Farm racecourse.

That left only the one known as "The Clown"......

"Salt Chunk Chez" had all the "nos" and none of them ever meant "yes". He named a price heavy and cold as a cop's blackjack on a winter night and that was it. He didn't name another. Chez didn't like talk and he didn't like talkers. He received and did business in the kitchen. And he kept it in a sugar bowl. Nobody thought about that. His cold grey eyes would have seen the thought and maybe something goes wrong on the next lay John Citizen come up with a load of 00 into your soft and tenders or Johnny Law just happens by. He sat there and heard. When you spread the manatee out on his kitchen table he already knows where you sloped it. He looks at the pudgy animal and a price falls out cold and hard as a cop's blackjack in the middle of winter, and his mouth closes and stays shut. If he doesn't want to do business he just wraps the manatee up and shoves it back across the table and that is that. Chez keeps a blue coffee pot and a pot of salt pork and beans always on the wood stove. When you fall in he gets up without a word and puts a mug of coffee and plate of salt chunk in front of you. You eat and then you talk business. Or maybe you take a room for a week to cool off. Room18 on the top floor I was sitting in the top room rose wall paper smoky sunset across the river. I was new in the game and like all young thieves thought I had a license to steal. It didn't last.

ChezDeluxe's apartment block in Randwick was proving to be nothing but trouble, full of mayhem and murder. It seemed the longer he owned it the more money he lost. But while he’s trying to solve his financial problems, Chez still has time to fight hate-crazed roadies, sort out a drug deal after fighting a gang of bikies, help a feminist Balmain writer with some research she won’t forget in a hurry, and get involved with Penny Century, a super-sexy leadsinger of an all-girl rock band, The Heathen Harlots. And with the help of two ex-Romanian Securitate explosive experts, he might even be able to sort out his investment.

<no lie>Wow. You guys are way too good at this.</no lie>

Esaaal finally arrived in New Hampshire and found Penny at the Nashau Guitar Center, in the middle of a week-long marathon of non-stop Tal Farlow style standards.

"Mike's lookin' for you", E said.

"Tell him I'm busy. If he isn't dying it will have to wait. I've pledged this week to Habitat for Trichechidae and I can't let them down."

"It'll wait",said E.

"Call Hoodie, maybe he can help", said PC and went back to her third time through I Like To Recognize The Tune.

The Yugo was sluggish carryng the extra weight of the plastic tub with Lanore. TGFM didn't care, the rescue had gone well and all that lay ahead was the two-lane blacktop and Culver City in his rear view mirror. It didn't matter if Lanore didn't say much, just having her safe in the little hatchback with a supply of bottled water; sans gas, and several cases of sardines was all that mattered. He figured they could be in Bakersfield by 3:00am maybe 4:00am at the latest. Funny; Bakersfield. The thought made him start singing "I've got a Manatee by the Tail", but he quickly stopped; fearing it would wake her up. When he got to Barstow, he would call Two-Hands to check up on PC and rumor had it that ChzDlx and Hoodie were flying in from Singapore on some business deal and would meet with Two-Hands and some other guy somewhere up North, possibly Wisconsin. As he mulled over the events of the day, he remembered the cheese and made the connection. Damn, its "JP" and I think maybe that weasel Esaaal is the brains behind this Manatee slave trade that PC was alluding to. TGFM wheeled the Yugo around sloshing water all over the back and awakening Lanore. She fluttered about a bit but was soon back asleep; probably tired from the swim up to North Hollywood. TGFM decided he had to get Lanore out of California but was a bit afraid of taking an underaged Manatee across state lines. Oh well, he thought, "I'll worry about that tomorrow"

TGFM decided he had to get Lanore out of California but was a bit afraid of taking an underaged Manatee across state lines. "

<no lie>Because that would contravene the mann (atee) act. Boom Boom. Well done TUTM<no lie >

In the world of international skullduggery and problem removal TUTM is known as Carmen. (it dates back to the Aswan High Dam incident of September 1970).

That was the only time Carmen had misgivings about an assignment. He was only too happy to be a "soldier" for Miss Doubleheaded Penny but her insistence on brylcreem for his hairstyle was going too far. This was the 70s and he had left all that greasy kid stuff behind him.....

Chez once holidayed at Ayers Rock in the 80's, where he woke up in the morning screaming " A dingo's got my TELE!!!!!".
it was rumored he made the whole thing up, seeing as though there was no power outlets to actually plug an amp into within coo-ee of Uluru.

simon was wakened by the phone. It was Esaaal, trying to locate Hoodie, per PC's instructions.

"Mate", said simon, "(A) - it's two in the bleeding morning and (B) Hoodie lives on the other coast, not down the flippin' street." (simon speaks with an interesting mix of Aussie and some unidentified Britishy vernacular)

"Right. Sorry. Mike was looking for some muscle for a little project of his and Penny can't make it so she suggested Hoodie."

"Hoodie? For muscle? Fat bleeding likely that is. What's the deal? If you want muscle, you're talking to the right guy."

"OK then. How soon can you get to Denver?"

"I'm practically there", simon declared, and got out of bed to call Qantas.

Simon was just about to make his call to Qantas, when the phone rang. It was Mike."Simon, have you heard from Esaaal?"
"Yeah mate, I just spoke to him. He said you need muscle and I'm on my way - as soon as people stop bloody calling me."
"Don't do it!" Mike urged him, "It's a trap."
"A trap? Bloody bonza, mate, I've been looking for some excitement!"
"They're after your Teles, Simon - don't leave the house - I've just touched down in Sydney and I'm gonna try to get to you as soon as possible - just sit tight and I'll be there."
"Just one question," Simon said "will you be wanting VB, Tooheys or Bundy and coke when you get here? Or maybe some vegemite?"
"Do you not think it's a bit early for that, Simon - excepting the veggiemite?"
"Not by the time you get here, mate!"

tgfmike often has these little role plays it give him the illusion of a social life and friends

[QUOTE][/tgfmike often has these little role plays it give him the illusion of a social life and friends QUOTE]

PC loosened the garrot a little from around Niprock's throat. It wasn't a skillful lie and he wasn't sure she would believe it, but it was all he had. A little dissinformation wouldn't kill anyone, would it?

Niprock had been in Penny's wet basement for what seemed like an eternity now. Was it 7 days or 8? Chained to the wall and fed crushed pototo chips, Niprock's will was being sorely tested. "so, can I go home now" Niprock asked. His answer came swiftly from her small right fist. Nip's eyes rolled back in his head... blessed relief....then nothing.

Meanwhile, Esaaal was back in the U.S. and looking for Mike, who was no longer answering his cell phone. Without knowing where tgfm was, E had no choice but to go to Denver and wait for simon.

tgfm knows that he'll have no choice. He will be forced to do whatever simon says. Thats the way it is and the way it's always been. Last time it was put your hand on your head, put your other hand on your head, pick your left foot up, put your left foot down, blah, blah,blah. How much more did he have to put up with? He'd been a member for seven years before the upstart showed up and now he was licking his wounds and trying to keep his fragile ego from shattering completely. The old woman told him a day of reckoning would dawn red and steaming he just had to be ready and wait. Where was Esaaal? If Esaaal had gone over? No, not Esaaal no matter what spikey said after they drained their third bottle of tequila. He laid his head down that night and like every night,visions of Lorelai''s beautiful whiskered face danced mockingly before him.

"Begone, foul dwimmerliar, lord of caricature! Leave the daft in peace," snarled JS.

A cold voice answered: "Come not between the Lair and his prey! Or he will not slander thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lying Eye."

A key clicked as it was typed. "Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may."

"Hinder me? Thou fool. No blogger may hinder me!" a sinister glare beaming from Mikes evil font.

"But no blogger am I! You look upon a spam bot. JackStrawBot I am, Begone, if you be not emailless! For living or dark undead, I will spam you"

Git head is a 12 time Ohio state dungeons and dragons champion every year he destroys the competition

Nip rock plays nipple twist with himself pitting his left side against his right.

His right side is faster but his left has a killer grip!

This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers. Grave and earnest men, at Eton and elsewhere, had tried GitHead with Greek, with Latin and with English; and the sheeplike stolidity with which he declined to be interested in the masterpieces of all three tongues had left them with the conviction that he would never read anything.

And then, years afterward, he had suddenly blossomed out as a student—only, it is true, a student of the Adventures of Gridley Quayle; but still a student. His was a dull life and Gridley Quayle was the only person who brought romance into it. Existence for the Honorable GH was simply a sort of desert, punctuated with monthly oases in the shape of new Quayle adventures. It was his ambition to meet the man who wrote them.

<no lie>The above lie was stolen almost verbatim from PG Wodehouse. I don't think he minds.</no lie>

After a restless night in the Yugo amidst the stench of the Sardines and stagnant water, TGFM was starting to loose some of his feelings for Lanore. He realized that he at, 50 (well OK 58) and Lanore being 6 (28 in Manatee years) probably wasn't going to work. Also, she looked a lot worse in the morning and he was having one of those Cayote Ugly moments. Perhaps her case wasn't that interesting and maybe, just maybe, he could dump her at Sea World and then shoot off to Wisconsin and find out what was happening with PC, Weasel Esaaal, JP, JS, Niprock, Githead and Simonc (how in the hell did they get involved?), RSG, spiky and some guy named Mike. TGFM started up the Yugo, spun the tires (it was in sand) and headed towards San Diego. As he drove he wondered if Lowes would take the tub back. He also thought about how he was going to break this to Lanore. All he could think of was the words of an old Tim McGraw song:

Cause I don't wanna see me leavin in her almond eyes
And I can't stand to watch her watch me make a manatee cry
And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong
So I don't wanna be here in the mornin
when she wakes up in Sea World and finds me gone

Oh well, he thought guys like me always get mixed up with the wrong kind of Manatee.

<no lie> Note lyrics changed because this is a lie<no lie\>

Whenever TUTM finds himself growing grim and slippery about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drooling, sniveling, retching, and gagging November in his soul; whenever He finds himself involuntarily twitching, and hopping up and down and spitting, and pausing before barns, and bringing up the rear of every mammal he meets, birds too; and especially whenever his Walrus gets such an upper flipper of him, that it requires a strong dose to prevent him from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's heads off with a rusty pitch fork--then, He accounts it high time to get to sea as quick as he and his Walrus can waddle. And they better hurry as here come the police.


<no lie> This lie was not stolen almost verbatem from Moby Manatee </no lie>

When GH gets grim he recommends visiting the City of the Manatees:

There now is your insular City of the Manatees, belted round by wharves as Indian isles by coral reefs -- commerce surrounds it with her surf. Right and left, the streets take you waterward. Its extreme down-town is the battery, where that noble mole is washed by waves, and cooled by breezes, which a few hours previous were out of sight of land. Look at the crowds of water-gazers there.

Circumambulate the city of a dreamy Sabbath afternoon. Go from Corlears Hook to Coenties Slip, and from thence, by Whitehall northward. What do you see? -- Posted like silent sentinels all around the town, stand thousands upon thousands of men and women and manatees fixed in ocean reveries. Some leaning against the spiles; some seated upon the pier-heads; some looking over the bulwarks. All in search of peace in the City of the Manatees.

"How it is I know not; but there is no place like a sea bed for confidential disclosures between mammals. Man and seacow, they say, there open the very glass bottom boats of their souls to each other; and some old cows often lie and fib over old times till nearly low tide. Thus, then, in our hearts' honeymoon, lay I and Lorelai—a cosy, loving pair." - Mike

Father Githead rose, and in a mild voice of unassuming authority ordered the scattered people to condense. "Star board gangway, there! side away to larboard- larboard gangway to starboard! Midships! midships!"

There was a low rumbling of heavy sea-boots among the benches, and a still slighter shuffling of women's shoes, and all was quiet again, and every eye on the preacher.

He paused a little; then kneeling in the pulpit's bows, folded his large brown hands across his chest, uplifted his closed eyes, and offered a prayer so deeply devout that he seemed kneeling and praying at the bottom of the sea.

Beloved Shipmates, Clinch the last verse of the first chapter of TGFM - 'and God had prepared a great Manatee to swallow up TGFM'

Suddenly TUTM saw a constellation and then... a black void. Recovering consciousness he attempted to focus on a red flashing something. His head throbbed as if he had been on a seven day bender. The red slowly cam into focus... HOTEL... HOTEL... HOTEL... broken neon arabesque... flashes of clear white light... and a smell... like a busful of teenage cheerleaders. He tried to move, but his limbs responded as if in slow motion. He realized that Lenore was gone, and in her place was a MIM Tele. As well as a note, tucked in behind the strings, written on perfumed stationery...

My children, latest born to Mike old,
Why sit ye here as suppositories, in your hands
Bottles of oil suplemented with drool?

What means this reek of BO everywhere,
And everywhere laundry and dishes?

Children, it were not meet that I should learn
From others, and am hither come, myself,
I Penny, your world-renowned Queen.

Whose venerable locks Proclaim
TUTM spokesman of this company,
Explain your mood and purport. Is it dread
of milk that moves you or a bon bon ye crave?

My crop on your @ss ye cannot doubt;
Ruthless indeed were I and obdurate
If such delinquents as you I spurned.

One of the things GitHead had always found hardest to understand about tdpri liars was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in "the tone is in the knob". At first GH had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If tdpri liars don't keep exercising their typing skills, he thought, their fingers probably seize up.

After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their typing skills, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked tdpri liars after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.

One of the things GitHead had always found hardest to understand about tdpri liars was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in "the tone is in the knob". At first GH had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If tdpri liars don't keep exercising their typing skills, he thought, their fingers probably seize up.

After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their typing skills, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked tdpri liars after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.

<no lie>Hey - I'm the one who steals from Douglas Adams round here!</no lie>

My love for Mike's Teles is like a red, red rose,
And who knows from whence this great love grows?
It blossoms and blooms and blossoms once more,
And all I can say is that I can be sure,
T'is a love only for the man's guitars,
Love t'wixt he and me is not written in the stars,
With beard his face is prickly and not smooth,
And so I say - gimme those Teles, dude!

Mike has used this thread very cunningly to perpetuate the myth that "tone is in the knob".

That theory had been debunked many,many posts ago but Mike thinks by repeating it now it will appear as self evident and be accepted as gospel by a new generation of forum members. Spiky,please Spiky, pay no heed to this Culver City flim-flam man.

Mike knows full well that tone is in the headstock decal.

chez writes to tell us that tone is beyond our comprehension and does so via the metaphor of the headstock decal. For what reason do tele lovers put so much stock in the decal, even to the extent of copying and even forging the decals held in highest regard. Truly there is no sense in it and chez is right to make this clear.

chez is of course aware that tone is in the electrical thingamajigs that lie under the knobs. chez has always been fond of knob mods, changing them, having them engraved, inlaid or plated with an interesting esoteric metal or using alternative materials such as freeze dried carrot. chez also knows that Sleeper-Man-Shish( don't wake him) was an Obie man revered throughout the Bone Knob land and that a beef bone knob nails that greasebucket tone.

chez is of course aware that tone is in the electrical thingamagigs that lie under the knobs. chez has always been fond of knob mods, changing them, having them engraved, inlaid or plated with an interesting esoteric metal or using alternative materials such as freeze dried carrot. chez also knows that Sleeper-Man-Shish( don't wake him) was an Obie man revered throughout the Bone Knob land and that a beef bone knob nails that greasebucket tone.

But JS knows that the real mojo is in a black cat bone. His neighbors won't let their cats outdoors since they found out about this.

Penny, of course, adheres to the theory that the tone comes the expertise with which the guitarist adjusts the knob and not from the knob itself and so the materials used for the knob are of no importance, e. g. even if you obtained a knob used by Keef on his tele in the '70s, you wouldn't get the same tone.

Rock my World - Cover by Lorelai

Githead wears snakeskin boots made by Calvin Klein
And cheap sunglasses from the five and dime
All the other guys in school they give him dirty looks
He got an "A" in math and never cracked a book
Sure looks good in his denim and chaps
Rock my world little Country Boy

Rock my world
Drag me out on the floor
Dance with me till I can't dance anymore
One-step, two-step, get in a line
I gotta find a way to make you mine

I tell him that I love him but it ain't enough
He says I got to learn to loosen up
Get a little wild on Saturday night
But make sure he's home before the mornin' light
Come Sunday I'm all ribbons and curls
Rock his world this little Country Manatee girl

While adjusting the "tone" knob of his Tele, TUTM felt the potentiometer dragging a bit along its travel. Curious, he unscrewed the cover plate and was surprised to find a small, rolled up piece of parchment. Unrolling it, he saw a text written with a spidery hand. Stepping closer to the window to take advantage of the midday light, he managed to make out the following:


mi kute e toki musi pi ma Mewika. toki musi mute a.
jan pali li toki musi lon tomo pali.
jan ma li toki musi tawa kasi ona.
mije suli li anpa e kasi suli li toki musi wawa.
meli li toki suwi lon tomo.

"mi jo e ni. jan ante li jo ala e ona."

tenpo pimeja la jan li musi mana tee
li pana e toki musi wawa mute.

kalama musi pi jan Penj li pona
ona kalama kepeken ilo
mute pilin pona

(and here I thought Toki Pona was a Hawaiian cocktail)

Mike is currently developing a constructed language using only minor chords played on a Tele. Chez attempted to communicate with Mike using a Les Paul, but Mike said that something was lost in the translation, and Chez' accent was unintelligible.

PC's philosophy is 'ale li pona', even when chez is playing power chords on a drop-tuned Ibanez RG4570Z.

Mike's new theory is that tone is in the loc.

...and with the rising of the sun came a new day. A day that would bring hope to people of good faith all around the world. The Wisconsin cheese maker, the New Hampshire housewife, the man from Culver City. Why, even the guitar slinger from Perth would see and understand that this was a new day, a day like no other. For on this day it came to pass that a new order had been set. The strictures of the past had been unveiled for what they really were. A dull mirror, flawed and cracked so that the reflected image was distorted, leaving the viewer to ponder upon what they were observing. But now those days were gone and here at last was reality, bright and shining as the first rays of the new dawn. A good day indeed.

And, on this new day, Hoodie found himself a Tele that truly spoke to him. It was finally an instrument he could fully bond with from the bottom of his heart. Best of all, Hoodie has found a new day where he can truly speak and communicate with others on an international level without any garble from unwanted, unintelligible accents of others. Not only a good day, but a "great" day!

A new day indeed, brought forth through the positive thinking and sheer willpower of that master of the universe, jim_p. We give thanks, great thanks, to the jimster and hope to continue to bask in his beneficence forever more.

May cheese be the power of Mike's soul and pure happiness. Amen!

On the 8th day, God created cheese curds and there was much rejoicing in the Pridx household.

...and it came to pass, that in honour of the coming of the new age, that TeleBrew set forth to create a refreshing beverege the likes of which the world has never seen. A refreshing *alcoholic* beverege based on, wait for it, CHEESE!

Thence followed the first Cheeze Whiz, triggering both the brand name and future of Hoodie in Cheeze Lore and lying.

TUTM is still looking for an Ibanez Professional with ash body, natural finish, and the Tree Of Life inlay (coloquially known as the "Bob Weir" model), as advertised for ages on the back cover of early editions of Guitar Player, and rarely seen in an actual music store.

He did have an opportunity to buy what he termed the Rex Bogue "copy", but it didn't seem authentic enough.

:smile:

Hoodie has inspired Jim_P to expand the possibilities of controlled Lacto-fermentation. Jim knows that the Tibetans ferment Mare's milk, and also wrap malted barley in a blanket for that to ferment. Also, block cheese does not have sufficient moisture to support significant growth of saccharomyces cerevisiae. However, he is experimenting with shredding and pulverising the cheese, adding malt syrup and tepid water, and pitching his yeast. stay tuned... Wisconsin may have something better to drink with the brats and cheddar!

Penny has been working on a process for making high-density fiberboard from Humulus lupulus stems. There still some problems with durability that PC expects to solve soon. The first proposed use will be for grainless tele bodies - "the tele with the tasteful tone".

TGFM just back from his trip to Barstow discovered 3 large crates sitting on his front porch. He couldn't believe it when he saw the label. "Product of Nigeria". He was so excited and couldn't wait to open the boxes. They had teased him about falling for that Nigerian Scam. PC and Hoodie and even his buddy JP had questioned his senses giving all that personal information and especially his bank account. Now he would show them. Opening the first case he caught a glimpse of Chrome and wood and the color was right, a faded Butterscotch. Digging further in he saw a dark burst color with with a worn maple neck. He was amazed, even astounded at his luck. He would be legendary. It might take years to properly catalog them all. Christies would be contacting him shortly. Then he heard the first hiss followed by a high thin whistle like you would hear from a punctured tire. He looked in the crate and the Butterscotch suddenly had wrinkles and was moving. They were inflatables, he recognized that sound from previous products. Damn, he thought I'll be a laughing stock. If those guys from the U.K. and Australia find out I'll never live it down. Just then his phone rang (Stairway to Heaven) and he saw he had all these text messages.

First PC sent, "TGFM I've been cheated, I got these fake Tele's from Nigeria". Then Esaaal, sent one with the same message. One by one each of the Liar's sent messages telling him of the horrible trick that had been played on them. All but TUTM, who sent a note saying he would be travelling to Tahiti and would be out of touch for a while. TGFM thought, "How could anyone be dishonest about a Telecaster, How?"

TUTM has worn out three Cry Baby pedals from practicing Too Rolling Stoned!

(Maybe he should get a wah pedal that doesn't use a mechanical pot)

SimonC continues spreading the rumour that Chiko Rolls contain Manatee parts.

PC continues spreading the rumor that a Flam Paradiddle-Diddle is just a syncopated Nine Stroke Roll.

Mike woke up last night in a cold sweat. The Dragons were on top of the ladder, 4 points clear of their nearest rivals, the Panthers. But somehow the Titans had snagged a win and were now within striking distance of the top. With the Dragons to play tomorrow against the Sea Eagles, and only four rounds remaining until the finals, would a win be enough to clinch the JJ Giltinan Shield for a second year in a row?

While summoning the courage to put hammer to nail, good ol' Hoodie reassured himself, thinking, "She's into John Cage, she has lovely breasts, legs that won't quit, and I can always get another Steinway."

*Bang*

Heritage, lives in a blimp, has inflatable furniture and an inflatable female manatee (Iris) is trying to make a deal for the inflatable teles. Fung Shui is very important to Heritage.

Esaaal is getting on the manatee-as-girlfriend bandwagon. He's got one on mail-order coming from Russia. I think her name is Varvara or Vladlena or something.

HMcF co-habits with a female manatee, but he claims it's a purely platonic relationship.

To my suprise, Spikypaddy was absolutely correct. Indeed, a Zebra can be ambushed from a tree.

Heritage has a tele covered in faux zebra skin. It has three big disadvantages:

Drunken zebra-rights activists often throw pinot noir on it.
The covering is not very durable and wears through quickly.
It irritates the daylights out of his right forearm.

He's thinking of havng it recovered, swapping the original pups back in and turning it into a coffee table.

Originally posted by Hoodie:
Esaaal is getting on the manatee-as-girlfriend bandwagon. He's got one on mail-order coming from Russia. I think her name is Varvara or Vladlena or something.

Hoodie, totally ignorant of Russian culture should have known that Russian mail-order Brides and co-incidentally Gymnists always have last names that start with "Slut" or end in "Skya". First names are less important. In the case of Russian Manatees however, Ludmilla is a common first name; especially the inflatable ones like Esaaal imports for TGFM.

Back to Heritage who obviously took a different branch in the road of life and owns far too many telescopic sights. Telecasters just happened during a mishap in an online purchase. To his credit, he has stuck it out and it's pretty much an even balance now between shredding and ambushing Zebra's.

Day 67:

Spikeypaddy was correct, a zebra could be ambushed from a tree. But TGFmike was an animal. I've never before seen a man slaughter a zebra with such...zeal.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon picking up slivers of meat. Mike keeps insisting that "It's cool dudes, every one likes jerkey. Are we cool?"

H often gets wrapped up in trying to figure out - if he's shredding in the woodshed is that shredding still or woodshedding? After a while he gives up and goes off to read the comics:

http://c0389161.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/dyn/str_strip/261275.zoom.gif

Tgfm used to write the "Far Side" comic but he quit that gig to persue this thread. Currently, he's combing through all the lies to compile a "best of" liars thread coffee table book called "The truth about lying"

Esaaal ordered Audubon's Field Guide To North American Liars recently to complete his collection of Liars field guides. The Australasian guide is the most voluminous with the greatest variety of Liars and sub species fibbers. The cover features a great picture of a migrating HoodieMcFoodie. It's Esaaal''s fave of the series. Manatee's are mentioned 107 times in the index, Dugongs 168 times.

It's Esaaal''s fave of the series. Manatee's are mentioned 107 times in the index, Dugongs 168 times.

.......and cheese 157 times. JackStraw's favorite readings are about the Manatees, but he could give a Manatee's arse about Dugongs. Esaaal is eagerly pursuing the notion of publishing the book "The Truth About Lying."

Jp has been relatively quiet the last few weeks. His time has been spent in equal parts, knitting a Beret using a broad colour Palat close to that of Monet, lying off thread to keep in practise, 10 minutes a day on scales and of course, he has been carving a life-size Manatee out of Wisconsin Colby to be entered at the state fair. All in all his days have been very full. Counting word ocurrances in this thread may set him back a bit so don't look for pics on the Beret just yet.

TUTM participates in this thread because he is a comsummate ethical liar.
He feels that none of the fabrications, mistruths, prevarications, fibs, concoctions, evasions, aspersions, mendacities, falsifications, and whoppers, are ever told within the framework of this thread for personal gain, nor to harm any other participant.

Penny is ready to take it to the next level, the epic tall tale, using Snorri Sturluson's writings as a template for her Faux Edda.

This the first time that PC has ever odered a whopper while talking to her co-workers on the phone about her new supervisor at the Partscaster Plant:

"fabrications, mistruths, prevarications, fibs, concoctions, evasions, aspersions, mendacities, falsifications, and whoppers"

It is no wonder that Jack Straw almost came out of the drive through window to challenge her.

Tutm often wonders if McDonalds would take a reservation. He wonders if they are manataee acessable. He wonders if his 14 year old manatee ladyfriend would still qualify for a happy meal since manatee years are worth 4 of our human years, he daydreams of a place where manatee/ human interaction isn't frowned on in fast food restuarants. He wonders if he can get extra lettuce with that or should he go to Wendy's instead.

Esaaal wonders why Wendy's chooses to serve prototype tomatoes on their burgers. He wonders why he is always a dollar late and a day short. He wonders why his relationship with a manatee is frowned upon, but his romance with a lady alpaca is not. Wendy's again... why can't they put shredded carrot on the burgers, or some nice alfalfa sprouts, rather than the wooden tomatoes? Are they afraid of trouble from the Tomato Monopoly?

Penny takes her sloth partner, Barney, to all fast food restaurants and no one blinks an eye. Although, she does like to special order her burgers with bananas while holding the cream sauces. She says that Barney quite likes a medium order of banana fries as well. And, the patrons all love Barney; they think he's one heck of a cute little guy, but in actuality, he just likes to flirt with the teenage girls.....all unknowingly to Penny.

Jp has been relatively quiet the last few weeks.

<no lie> I've been pretty busy this summer playing music, even some city park weeknight gigs. Plus, work has picked up a bit, too. </no lie> BTW, the beret should be out just in time for Christmas. Order now if you'd like one.

At her local Starbucks, Penny was given an award for for the most complicated coffee order ever.

Esaaal has been banned from the local Starbucks for ending every order with the same quote from Moby Dick:

The white whale tasks me; he heaps me.


jp wishes he had a pet sloth.

Esaaal secretly wants to try a Starbuck's Latte, but where he is from his Blue Collar friends would not be very kind. So, sadly everday it is the same thing; Caramel Macchiato made with nonfat milk and sugar-free vanilla syrup.

P.S. See one hint and TGFM gets all over him. TGFM prefers 7-11 slurpees to Jack-in-the-Box's.

tutm has been banned from his local Starbucks for asking for a Cask of Amontillado. When the order taker says What? tutm quickly asks for a Caramel Macchiato. The Starbucks staff are no longer amused.

Mike is a frequent visitor of the many of Starbuck's locations in his immediate neighborhood, primarily because of this (go to 2:22):

EDIT: Eh....try this link instead:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGUYeiGtNk

JimP is hurrying to open Madison's first Cheezbucks

TGFM is already waiting in line to be the first to buy a Cheese Macchiato. Esaaal refuses to leave Starbucks. Not because of the coffee, he just won't leave.

Each night, just before beddie bye, Tutm tells himself a little lie. It keeps the monsters in the closet and out from under the bed. He sleeps well on a little lie and feels rested when he wakes up. Large lies are not comfy and Tutm can wake cranky and sore. Medium lies are ok if he's tired enough but the little lies are just right. "The perfect end to a perfect day" he tells himself just before his sleepy eyes close. Sleep well Tutm.

At her local Starbucks, Penny was given an award for for the most complicated coffee order ever.

Which is what? This lie is incomplete!

Let me finish it for you...

At the Starbux drive-through on Friday, Penny ordered

The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice

She never got her coffee, and the Barista's head exploded.

<no lie>In real life my current preference is Dunkin Donuts large, regular roast ice coffee, black, Splenda.</no lie>

Just so I can sleep well. PC often substitutes Saccharin for Splenda. Not so for the Manatee.

<no lie>In real life my current preference is Dunkin Donuts large, regular roast ice coffee, black, Splenda.</no lie>

In real life, Penny is a Portsmouth, NH police officer. (probably an inside joke for Americans)

The truth about TUTM's sleeping habits lies in the fact that he rests much better with his "Tickle-Me-Elmo" doll than when he's telling lies.

jp finally got that sloth he's been wishing for. He calls it Splenda.

Mike has 7 pet sloths.

He calls them (in alphabetical order) Anger,Avarice,Envy,Gluttony,Lust,Pride and Sweetie.

You don't need to be Einstein to know that Sweetie is his favourite.

Chez is very much into sloth lore. While having a pet sloth is indeed an unusual and unique thing, he's hoping to have one of his own very soon. In fact, he's been negotiating a deal with Mike for "Lust," for everyone knows that Mike would never give up Sweetie. "Lust" is undoubtedly very appealing to Chez.

It's Monday morning and the liars are:

JimP, praying that the Sloth line will outpace the Manataee line. he thinks there's a chance it might.

PC, at Dunkin Donuts drinking her coffee and reading "Splenda in the Grass"

Tgfm, writing an essay on sloths.

Chezdex, trying to invent a new cheese variety.

Tutm, still sleeping, his little lie still holding him in dreamland.

Esaaal on the otherhand has been working the night shift at Sloth World and instead of feeding the critters, he's been playing online Dungeons and Demons all night long. As we begin another days of lies, Esaaal is dreaming of level 7.

tutm has embraced his inner sloth and gone back to sleep, where he dreams of the buds, tender shoots and leaves of the Cecropia trees.

TGFM on the otherhand is thinking of removing two toes on each foot so that he can bond with his sloth. He considered fingers, but he doesn't like Gypsy Jazz so that was definitely out of the question.

<no lie> Cecropia tie in to video gamming and nettles - Very cool. If we had been doing moths instead of sloths, you'd have had a triple!<no lie\>

tutm woke up after a nightmare about a Cecropia moth with a six-foot wing span.

http://www.smartiepantskids.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/moth.jpg

He was also quite disturbed to find that as of December 2, 2008, Cecropia, Inc. is no longer in business. There are rumors they had become overly slothful.

As usual, TGFM came up a sloth short and a moth late.

After learning about the Cecropia butterflies amazing life transformation from catapillar into butterfly TUTM tried cacooning himself in silk hoping to spring forth fully transformed in a blaze of colorful gory. Instead what he found was that he had engineered no way to go to the bathroom. He had to be carefully removed by the counties biohazard rescue team.

when GH hears "Sloth" he thinks of this guy:

Being unable to face life's many challenges, Esaaal became a stowaway on a car-parts vessel out of Baltimore and ended up burying his head in Peru.

http://www.tdpri.com/forum/attachments/epic-threads/56279d1281980139-make-up-lie-about-poster-above-you-sloth-jpg

RSG is enjoying his new career with the local circus. He is performing as the amazing "bullet head". It's a spectacular spectacle as he is launched from a canon at high velocity at a target painted on a concrete wall. The pay is good but the physical rigors are taking it's toll.

http://a0.vox.com/6a00b8ea0715a11bc000c2251c9c90549d-500pi

What GitHead is failing to tell you is that he retired from that "bullet head" job just last year. However, today he's a very wealthy man.

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/jpridx/ugly.jpg

Jim_P is attempting to train a Macaw for his musical standup act.

http://a.imageshack.us/img237/5494/inca1433111523088073511.jpg

Working out OK?

PC's grandmother in 1938, receiving her first macaw -

http://www.independentcritics.com/images/notorious%20bettie%20page%20SPLASH.jpg

Nothing pulls the strings of TGFM's heart like white cotton gloves.

White cotton gloves do nothing for Esaaal. Latex gloves, however, are another matter altogether...

Nothing pulls the strings of TGFM's heart like white cotton gloves.
Where's the lie?

spiky has tried to make strings by unraveling white cotton gloves. No one know why, as they only last about 20 minutes and are non-metallic so they make no sound. Oh. I get. They make no sound.

Whenever tgfm finds himself in the woods, he always listens for the falling tree while clapping with one hand while thinking about where a bear defecates.


Manatee content of this post: 0%
Sloth content of this post: 0%
Bear content of this post: 1/26

For pro sports, one of Jack's favorite teams is the Chicago Bears, a professional American football team based in Chicago, Illinois. They are members of the NFC North Division of the National Football Conference (NFC) in the National Football League (NFL). The team is legally and corporately registered as Chicago Bears Football Club, Incorporated.

For college sports, he follows the State College of Florida Manatees.

For online games, he prefers gamesloth.com (http://www.gamesloth.com/).

And for white cotton gloves he always shops at gloves-online.com (http://www.gloves-online.com/proddetail.php?prod=W-800).

All of which goes a long way towards explaining the recent set of topics on this thread.

Mike has always wondered........ if a tree falls in the woods when no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? He concluded that yes, it does make a sound, but no one is around to hear it. Profound stuff, huh?

JP drug his Telecaster and a battery powered amp into the forest. He was really surprised that he could hear it. He even fell over and played and he could still hear it. He called TGFM on his cell to see if he could tell him and could hear TGFM. It was an amazing day.

Manatee content of this post: 0%
Sloth content of this post: 0%
Bear content of this post: 0%
JP content of this post: 0%
Thoughts about Betty Paige on this post: 62%

PC's grandmother in 1938, receiving her first macaw -

http://www.independentcritics.com/images/notorious%20bettie%20page%20SPLASH.jpg

Mike shuffled through over two thousand images to find the one Bettie Page pic that might be acceptable to the Moderators. He's burned the others onto a secret DVD that he has hidden under his computer desk.

(yeah, like I'm not supposed to know who Bettie Page was)

Oh, confidential to Jim_P: Dian Hanson says to stop hounding her for the photo set with R Crumb.

Oh, confidential to Jim_P: Dian Hanson says to stop hounding her for the photo set with R Crumb.

Penny is digging a little bit too deep into my personal life here, but that's okay. I'll play. It's a little known fact that Penny, with the help and encouragement of her longtime friend and business partner, Dian Hanson, posed at least 26 times over the course of the 1990s in Juggs magazine under the alias of "Penny Centuous."

Mike shuffled through over two thousand images to find the one Bettie Page pic that might be acceptable to the Moderators.
<no lie>That's Gretchen Mol, of course. There are no pictures of the actual Bettie Page that would be acceptable here.</no lie> Both Gretchen and Bettie bear a remarkable likeness to PC's maternal grandmother.

jp played the role of Jughead Jones in the 1990 made-for-TV move Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again. The bad news - he didn't come back again.

Mike has a Toby jug made in his own image - but he said it feels a little weird to be drinking beer from his own head.

Spiky has a water feature in his garden which is a copy of the mannaken-pis in Brussels.

Folk from all around comment on the resemblance to Paddy.

chezdeluxe also has a mannaken-pis in his garden as a memorial to William and Ralph Foster.

rsg has been laying low recently because he doesn't know what a Manatee is. Every time he'd conduct a search he would get a reference to director Phillipe de Broca's "Le Roi de Coeur".

JS has a modified Manaken-Pis in his kitchen that shoots chocholate milk out the back.

Esaaal ate all the chocolate mil so it didn't work. Sorry to disappoint you guys. I wanted some chocolate too. Oh well, what can we do?

JDX had his tele refinished in milk chocolate colored nitrocellulose lacquer. He says just looking at it inspires him to play sweetly.

JDX45 thought this thread was about Portuguese Man O' War's and was immensely ammused when he found out it was Manatees. Thinking about it later, he laughed so hard he blew Chocolate milk out his nose. Keeping in theme, he just sent Esaaal a PM in a bottle telling him about it.

Tutm has a life size, white gloved Manatee-Pis in his entryway that greets visitors with 9 flavors of pressurized Kool-Aid. Tutm's hydraulic engineering degree comes in handy when the thing goes on the fritz.

While Esaaals secretarial school certificate doesn't qualify him to repair fountains it doesn't stop him from pi$$ing in ponds either.

Githead uses a snorkle and mask when diving for change at the local mall fountains. He doesn't need flippers since the water isn't all that deep.

Esaaal tried teaching a manatee to dive for change in mall fountains. The tuition went just fine, however the poor manatee didn't survive in the shallow water. He's thinking of trying again, but with a baby manatee.

Speaking malls, Spiky just opened a Starbuck's in Devon at the neighborhood mall. He even built a courtyard and fountain out front topped with a stone sculpture of a manatee that dribbles water from its mouth. Quite fitting, I must say!

JP was really miffed that Spiky wouldn't wait until after the state fair and use the Cheese Manatee. This could end up being bigger than the Hatfield's and McCoy's. JP has the edge as Spiky won't know about "American feudin".

said Cheese Manatee to Manaken-pis;

"Do you know Telleutelleme?"

"I'm afraid we've never met, now pardon me, have to have a wee".

Said Manaken-Pis to the Cheese Manatee:

"Where is your baby, diving for change I presume?"

"Don't judge me and, you have brass ones!"



The characters in Tutm's dreams love to argue.

Ever since the new Leonardo Dicaprio movie Inception, Esaaal has been out sneaking into everyone's dreams. He has to be more carefull as people wake up babbling wierd poetry and they imagine Manatees are starting to wash up on the Florida Beaches.