Make up a lie about the poster above you!

tgfm has a collection of giant pods that he is sure contain living aliens that are afraid to emerge due to the fact that he plays Rock the Casbah at ridiculous db levels around the clock in their presence. "Can't be too safe when it comes to alien confinement says he".

Road King is on a world wide quest to locate the famous 50 foot woman; though he won't go to L.A. because he is afraid Mikey Rooney may still be radioactive.

TUTM has allways thought radioactive" meant your music got played alot on the wireless. He is also a little put out at the laughter he receives when he states that "That woman must smell really bad if you must stay 50 foot from her".

TUTM knows there is no 50 foot woman. Only this one who TUTM lay awake at night dreaming about when he was a lad back in the 40s.

tm74WPLxALk

Chezdeluxe doesn't believe in women. He believes being female is a lifestyle choice and not something individuals are born with and cannot alter.

The secret ingredient in spikypaddy's recipe for shepard's pie is wool.

JackStraw's has a side job is singing the National Anthem before rooster fights.

Esaaal's side job vice under secretary to the under secretary of the vice chair of the Cliff Richard appreciation society.

spikypaddy is driven to become a Viceroy, so he can help rebuild the empire again. He is itching to have a massive sea battle with the Spainards or perhaps just a battle of the bands with the French.

TUTM just longs to visit Battle, in England. Being the historically aware personage that he is, he knows that the Battle of Hastings was not held in Hastings, but instead at Battle.

When the empire struck back and barred tutm for shouting spoilers, he was heard muttering "you can stick your rat infested flea pit, I'm gettin' cable".

spikypaddy once tried to buy Oxo cubes from a driver after seeing the ad on the side of the bus.

RSG still maintains that the best FM radio station of all time was Radio Red Dragon.

spiky competed in this year's All Devon County Battle Of The Puddings, taking a second place in Simple Puddings with his Three-Berry Fool.

TGFM once attempted to make a three berry fool, following a recipe he heard on the radio. Unfortunately, the broadcaster's accent made the dessert go slightly wrong - a three brie fool is more of a cheese platter than a sweet dish.

For afters, Spikypaddy rolls around in clotted cream. In the USA, this would be misunderstood and classified as "deviant" behaviour. In Old Blighty, it's only deviant if you take the Vicar's turn.

Pc has been staying out of clubs recently since the guys have been on this" see a Penny and pick her up and all the day you'll have good luck" kick.

JS wrote the original version of The Monkees' hit "Daydream Believer." It was originally written in a minor key and was called "Nightmare Deceiver" but it was felt that the original didn't suit the band's cheery, happy go lucky image. Cradle Of Filth are believed to be recreating the original on their next album.

spikypaddy plays in a Cradle Of Filth tribute band called Soiled Cot.

There's a long story about rsg that involves soiled cots, clotted cream, a fool, some flan and a chunk of brie. This is an open forum, however, and the details are grotesque and disturbing, so I will not relate them here.

Mike soiled himself when he got his copy of "Play killer blues with only 4 notes."

He's currently on note number 2 but hopes to finish the course before the end of the year.

GitHead has been scouring the Internet for an air conditioner -- ANY air conditioner. The old fan-blowing-over-a-block-of-ice just ain't doing the job this year, and already one of his strats melted. He's got to find one before the Teles go soft, too.

PS - too much self-soiling going on here. Word to the wise: Immodium-D
(or bananas, rice, apples or applesauce, and dry toast)

PC had to take a quick time out after that last post. Kind of a contact high type of thing.

RK is just about the only one still making QuickTime videos. He is definitely the only one using a Powerbook 100 to do it.

Mike has started a campaign for TakeYourTime videos, all in the name of quality, of course.

RoadKing won't sell the rare Chris Gantry Motor Mouth album to TGFMike,nor trade it for the number one on RK's list of wants, Archie Bell and the Drells Tighten Up.

http://img837.imageshack.us/img837/1986/63288494.jpg

the only reason Penny possesses that motor mouth photo is her all consuming jealousy of his hair-do

Eyerish has a piano / harp tuning business.
their company motto is " plenty of strings attached"

Simon has a bagpipe tuning business.

The company motto is "Take that ya great bag0wind ya. Cmon dye wanna fight .I'll fight ye ya misalliance of a hoctopus and a carpetbag. Jimmy!"

Chezdeluxe has a didgeridoo tuning business. The tools of his trade are a junior hacksaw and a can of expanding foam. It's a tough gig, but it pays the bills.

The always resentful and insanely cheap spiky, pays all his bills with Canadian pennies.

Having seen thwe overwhelming price of quality, new guitars, Esaaal has developed a new tactic to keep his GAS satisfied. He enters guitar shops claiming to be Ronnie Wood on tour and promises to promote that particular music store in exchange for the best instrument in the shop. Unfortunately, he bears more of a resemblance to Jeff Beck...

spikypaddy picks the eyes out of potatoes. He says he does it because they look at him funny.

Hoodie is a world renowned vegetable surgeon. Last week alone, he preformed two tomato appendectomy procedures, a squash reconstruction, help a poor young brussel sprout walk again and a cucumber enlargement. He's under some scrutiny however with the vegetable medical association because of the fruit/vegetable controversy with the tomato thing.

HMcF invented the world-famous semi-locking machinehead. It's pretty useless, but completely ingenius!

RoadKing's Uncle Hamish is visiting from Scotland. He keeps whipping RK with a swagger stick, exclaiming, "Think with yer dipstick, Jimmy!".

PC is often seen walking with a swagger - the not-overly-famous Jim E Swagger:

0lWYxgTakAI

Wow Archie Bell and Jimmy Swagger on the same page. It's blessed to live in South Texas where two such notables started. All the other liars are so jealous.

Now to the real truth. TGFM belongs to the Creflo Dollar Church and personally is in charge of small change accounting. Last year literraly thousands of dollars in change passed through TGFM's hands. He cites his toll booth experience as being the most helpful in rising to the top of small change.

The two phrases the Tutm heard most as a child were "if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" and "don't pick at that". Because he's so rebelious, these days Tutm spends all his free time bungie jumping and picking grapes. He does this simultaneously.

When he's not doing this he likes to shave his palms while trying on pairs of thick glasses.

esaal spent his weekend thinking about grapes, sour grapes to be exact. His favorite "bag in the box" wine was sold out at the local ABC store. He now plans to scour his back yard of dandelions....

Esaaal spends his work days holding up paintings.

road king meditates after typing his posts until he hears a small voice in his that says "tora tora tora" then he hits the reply button. More often than not, his posts are simutaneous with other forum members

Hollowman has tapped into the brainwaves of other TDPRI members. He knows what we're thinking and more importantly EXACTLY when we're about to post. Terror runs rampant in the ranks.

Hollowman has a small radio transmitter which links to a receiver in RK's head. He can often be heard mumbling "tora, toran tora" into the transmitter.

Mr. Spikypaddy has no radio transmitter to anyone's head, let alone his own, but his mumblings and rumblings can certainly be heard quite loudly when he takes his strolls throughout the Devon area.......they're mostly about the TDPRI lies about him and how he's going to reply back the next time he's on his computer.

Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day's useless energy spent.
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
Lonely man cries for love and has none.
New mother picks up and suckles her son,
Senior citizens wish they were young.
Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colours from our sight.
Red is grey and yellow white,
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion???
Oh, and leave a message after the beep.


Jim P is so proud of his new answering machine message.

Esaaal doesn't have an answering machine. Instead he employs former child star Macauley Caulkin to answer his phones - he decided that since Caulkin's career seems to have been in decline for quite some time he could probably do with the work.

Esaaal's machine refuses to answer even after repeated cajoling, pleading and threats.

JackStraw thinks it's cute to have a guitar blasting away once someone reaches his answering machine. It's usually to the tune of Freebird! Just last week when spiky reached Jack's machine, he just held his middle finger up in the air and shouted: "Here's your free bird, buddy!"

Mr. Spikypaddy has no radio transmitter to anyone's head, let alone his own, but his mumblings and rumblings can certainly be heard quite loudly when he takes his strolls throughout the Devon area.......they're mostly about the TDPRI lies about him and how he's going to reply back the next time he's on his computer.

<no lie> You're closer to the truth than you'd think - I'm quite often to be found wandering around with Blackberry in hand, posting replies!</no lie>

It's a little known fact that JP is actually a machine - he believes every lie here, because he is an electronic monk - programmed to believe everything he is told.

(No prizes will be awarded, but much respect will be given to anyone who can name the book the electronic monk appeared in).

esaaal is still fascinated by the co-mingling of artistic genres. his love of pinl floyd and sidewalk chalk drawing. soon he will add ribbon dancing to the mix

eyerish thinks the Philadelphia Museum of Art's restoration of Thomas Eakin's "The Gross Clinic" is a little too bright and recommends misting it with a can of Krylon Flat Black.

JS's answering machine takes itself literally and gives answers and never takes a message. JS has been astonished recently when callers are annoyed to find they are talking to Jack when they called to talk to the answering machine. J is one of a very, very few people whose friends do not say, "Stop screening and pick up the phone. I hate talking to the machine."

(No prizes will be awarded, but much respect will be given to anyone who can name the book the electronic monk appeared in).
<no lie>
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I win because I'm the only one so far who took the time to google 'electronic monk'. I don't expect much respect for that, of course.
</no lie>

i may be wrong but wasn't it a Douglas Adams book called "The Electric Monk"?

<no lie>Mike - correct on both points - that was the book and little respect is due for those who Google, I'm afraid - them's the rules! Eyerish is half right, because it was indeed a book by Douglas Adams - and an excellent one at that. Meaning Eyerish gains most of the respect.</no lie>

Eyerish used to be employed by Douglas Adams as his personal keyboard cleaner. It was a job Eyerish hated - he's never been a huge fan of Macs...

Spikypaddy has a new business that he has named "Spikeypaddy's Space Alien Detection and Eradication Services Unlimited LLC." It really hasn't taken off yet and Spikey thinks it may be because the name is too long.

Road King has a new business that he has named simply "RK"... He's thinking it might not have taken off yet because the name's too short and he kinda neglected to add contact details, a tag line or any details at all to his business cards.

What's really weird here is the common vision people have of Spikypaddy. Like a corporate dream of sorts. Every time it's the same thing. There's Spikypaddy playing a Strat with streaks of chrome rain falling in the background. Since not everyone here did as much acid in the 70s and 80s as others, it's been ruled out as a cause. My therapist says I probably just saw it on the "Faces with Names" thread but how freakin stupid is that.

Road King hasn't washed from the waist down since he was ten. He see's no point.

hozy has been following his grandmother's personal hygiene advice all of his life and always washes down as far as possible, then up as far as possible and finally washes possible.

Sanhozay admires Vogon poetry. Really, really, really, really admires.

(say, don't overdo it, Sanhozay! and say "Hi" to your brother Sanhoze-B.)

Darn it , Mike! I didn't mean to step on your post. One of us needs to hit "refresh" more often.

<no lie>Or make more use of the Edit button. I had to change eyerish to JS in #10802 when we turned the page.</no lie>

PC likes to use the expression 'Darn it' because she can't think of any worse punishment than being forced to repair old socks.

PCs use of six four letter words in the above post is shocking and a far cry from her usual standards ands sense of decorum.

JS often gets into arguments over the proper use of 'decorum' and 'decora'.

tgfmike's design firm Astrofoil uses the term decorumate in it's "What We Do" page on their website.

Mike brooks no argument over his favourite shampoo. Here he is showering with a friend.

5TVSi74H-Ks

Now Liars,see if you can pick which one in this clip is Jack Flash

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What's really weird here is the common vision people have of Spikypaddy. Like a corporate dream of sorts. Every time it's the same thing. There's Spikypaddy playing a Strat with streaks of chrome rain falling in the background. Since not everyone here did as much acid in the 70s and 80s as others, it's been ruled out as a cause. My therapist says I probably just saw it on the "Faces with Names" thread but how freakin stupid is that.

<No lie>I really like that!</no lie>

CD is annoyed that he has yet to get a hygiene product endorsement or advertising campaign... Apparently some really cool ideas have been floated, but they're all a little too explicit to be acceptable on daytime TV.

spiky is quite upset with chez because 'Duke Of Earl' is now ruined for him forever.

Here spiky, let Gene wash that Decore thing out of your mind:

j9PoUsRibtE

<No lie>Videos really don't work so well on mobile browsers...</ni lie>

TGFM used to be called MFGT. He decided to change it because it just didn't make sense that way round.

Mike still thinks this is the sexiest scene ever in a movie. He can see himself astride that big white horse while a freshly showered nurse sings about him.

HIAP364nxEo&feature=related

And here's what gets chez going (sorry spiky, it seems to be a video evening):

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Dammit!

Mike is so in awe of moving pictures that he has decided they must be included in every lying post!

Well, gosh, it is the 21st century and all. For the video challenged, chez posted Mitzi Gaynor singing I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair and I posted Gwen Verdon doing Whatever Lola Wants.

Spiky has all of the Herbal Essence commercials bookmarked on youtube for when he's not using whatever limited technology he carries while mobile.

One day not too terribly long ago, Mike thought it would be funny to dress up in drag as an old woman:

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GQhlWFTuvVs&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GQhlWFTuvVs&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

Because someone posted the Duke of Earl video, Jim_P has been unable to get Duke of Prunes off his mind. He considered going to the gym to have one of the sparring partners punch the tune out of his head. But it's actually a theme that FZ copied from a classican piece... hmmm, wonder which?

L7qbMnZe_0k

the finest in teenage entertainment from the guy who played the bicycle on Steve Allen Show

go to the library, don't go to the prom!

Mike has taken a stand against mobile lying.

His Culver City billboard ads show him posed looking over his shoulder with his left hand thrust purposefully into his safari jacket pocket.

The caption reads " Lying on the run...It's just UnAmerican"

When the House Committee investigates Penny and Jim plan to take the Fifth Amendment.

<No lie>You've got to love the fact that Blackberry can squeeze all of these comp-illi-cated email and web browsing and app download gubbins into their "smart" phones, but can't manage something to play Flash videos.</no lie>

JP's avatar is a self-portrait. He was once a handsome prince, but he met a wicked witch, who turned him into the amphibian you see pictured. Apparently only a kiss from a beautiful woman will set him free and turn him back into the handsome prince. Mike wondered if a kiss from a cross-dressing guitarist would have the same effect - apparently not.

CD has never taken a stand against lying, but he has been known to lean nonchalantly against Mike's billboard ads.

Spikey likes to go out on Saturday nights and call total strangers "Funkyberry". There's really no reason for it. He just likes to.

RK tells people he once owned an Alfa Romeo with a manual gearbox. He like to give a demonstration of what it was like to drive - miming driving whilst providing all the relevant tyre squeal nd engine noises through the medium of his voice. He did say he's tempted to get a pointy, Floyd Rose equipped guitar to help him create all of those noises in a more creative fashion, but the story would have to end with him driving off of a cliff, so that he can fully utilise the Floyd Rose's divebomb ability.

Paddy likes his devonshire teas a bit unconventional.
He keeps the scone whole, dips it in jam & butter & then eats it.
This caused quite a stir in the establishment, as The Devonshire (or Devon) method is to split the scone in two, cover each half with clotted cream, and then add strawberry jam on top.

spiky was known to have had a pointy guitar once. It was confiscated though as the ownership of such a deadly weapon in Devon is a no no. He now handles the black market in pointy guitars and nun chucks made out of laquer coated toilet paper tubes and clothing line. Its thriving according to inside sources.

eyerish likes to soften his pointy guitars by soaking them in clabber.

One day not too terribly long ago, Mike thought it would be funny to dress up in drag as an old woman
And I was right. You have to admit, that's hilarious.

<no lie> Please don't make fun of Duke of Earl - It was my first 45<no lie\>

TGFM believes he is hilarious. In fact he wanted to have a career in stand up comedy. Unfortunately through a genetic twist of fate, he can only tell jokes sitting down and thus his career as a lawn chair salesman.

TUTM misunderstood a Rolling Stone article and since then, has been desperately looking for the CD of the Chinese Electronica group Hunan League.

TUTM wants to know if it counts as a pointy guitar if only the headstock has a point?

tutm did his first bank job at age 17, brandishing a Duke of Earl 45.

He bought one of tgfm's lawn chairs with his ill-gotten gains:

http://blog.asgoodasgrass.co.uk/images/userimg/img76-0large.jpg

PC fails to see the point of pointy guitars (may not be a lie on one level).

PC+rsg makes pcrsg which sounds kind of like p-cruising. That's not the lie. No, wait, that is the lie, because it really sounds like p-cursing, which is, in fact, the usual result when PC and rsg come into close proximity.

<no lie>The above lie was so senseless, maybe I'll make it into an article for the Illogicopedia (http://illogicopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page).</no lie>

tgfm believes that PC and rsg are jointly responsible for the blandness of the Liars' thread, which is one of the reasons he is constantly searching for more meaningful untruths.

RSG likes his Welsh porky pies, which is exactly why he posts in this thread!

... And Simon is known for chanting 'Good-bye Pork Pie Hat' in the shower.




<no lie>
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I win because I'm the only one so far who took the time to google 'electronic monk'. I don't expect much respect for that, of course.
</no lie>

Serves me right for being late, I guess. I actually have that book.

Moggl can play Salt Peanuts using only various bodily sounds.
He describes it as "dialectical eclecticism". (he's been waiting ages to use that phrase)

Penny calls it a diabolical euphemism for flatulence and snoring. She cites it as a dreadful crime against Dizzy Gillespie but given Diz's puffy cheeks reluctantly thinks he may have approved.

CHEZ's flatulance would make anyone dizzy and the puffy cheeks are from holding ones breath

Eyerish has 7 dogs.

When visitors come for dinner being able to blame so many gets him through aperitifs,soup,entrees,mains,dessert,coffee and cigars.

A meal consisting of aperitif, soup, entree, main, dessert, coffee and cigars is a regular daily occurence in chez's household. He considers anything less to be a sign of a lack of standards.

spikypaddy likes a multi course meal too but finds if he puts it all in a blender and makes a tasty shake it saves a great deal of time.

JackStraw is well known in NJ for his Shaky Pudding and Hammer-Down Pork pie. He got the idea from his Best of Burt Reynold's Collection.

tutm is the very model of a moderate man and has a little meat, a little veg and a carb for each meal. He is free from his own ideas, tolerant like the sky, supple like a tree, with no destination in mind and he makes use of whatever life brings his way.

On Thursday, TGFMike had a cool water sandwich and a Sunday Go-to-Meeting Bun. Upon hearing this, TUTM had a technicolor yawn.

tgfmike is feeling especially mellow today and it is probably a good time to hit him up for a no interest loan if anyone is a tad short.

PC keeps her afterthoughts stored neatly in a special part of her Medulla Oblongata.

JS had his Medulla Oblongata removed and became famously mellow and free of afterthoughts.

Jack Straw thinks that Medulla Oblongata is a Rush song

hollow thinks Medulla Oblongata is the name of the Geena Davis character in Transylvania 6-5000.

tgfm feels safe in Transylvania, it's a solid state in which to recuperate following surgery.

RSG made a guitar amp out of an old Sylvania console and an Atwater-Kent rectifier.

PC has successfully cloned a snowflake and has constructed a snowman made entirely of said snowflakes at her lab in Blenheim New Zealand.

PC took apart her brand new DRRI and repackaged it into a more vintage form:

http://radio.macinmind.com/gallery/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=254&g2_serialNumber=2

tgmf is now designing amps under the new Copper Hundred Year Period name. The flagship model is a bedroom practice jobber that has no speaker, power section or preamp. In fact all you get for the $1495.00 price tag is a jack and two wires. "It's a very quite and natural sounding boutique piece that we feel will sell well at twice the price on it's tone alone".

As has been mentioned previously, Road King was the inspiration for the Mesa Boogie amp line of the same name. He was also the creative mind behind student daytime TV favourites "Cash in the Attic", "Bargain Hunt" and "Builders From Hell". He refuses to claim responsibility for "Antiques Roadshow" and "Songs of Praise", claiming that not even a mind like his could come up with such torture.

spiky set up a lab near Cli Lake in the Northwest Territories, where he first made an exact scale model of JackStraw out of the local permafrost and then repeatedly cloned his creation. There is no possible explanation for his behavior.

Inspired by the half buried cars along route 66 tgfm has begun to half bury Teles along the highways of Culver City. As fortune would have it the Teles disappear as fast as he can half bury them........On a side note, please check out my guitars adds in the classified section.

Road King wants for you to check out his ads in the classifieds, for he's indeed the one who's been lifting those Teles along the highways of Culver City. He probably has about 30 or 40 Teles by now that Mike has been half-burying.

EDIT: Hmmmm.......what guitars in the classifieds? I fell for that "hook-line-and-sinker," didn't I?

TGFM has been issued a cease and desist letter by FMIC to stop infringing on their proprietary relicing process AKA burying Telecasters. It doesn't matter that Mike is only half-burying them. If Mike doesn't comply, he better watch out for Yuriy Shiskov setting up his Dragunov and scope.

Jim_P turned him in.


(military jargon courtesy Nate at Willie's)

(military jargon courtesy Nate at Willie's)

No lie.....I know Nate!

jp claims to know everyone that PC knows, which is just not possible because PC knows everyone and jp only knows almost everyone.

Nate at Willie's thinks that Jim P is a figment of his own imagination. Conversely, Jim P hates figs..

Conversely, Esaaal loves figs. He says they keep him regular.....sometimes too regular.

<no lie> Actually, I lived in the Twin Cities when Willie's first opened their doors, and Nate brought in some of the very coolest vintage guitars I've ever seen. The shop was quite small at that time, but one wall was literally layered with old Gibson hollow bodies, '50s Fender Strats & Teles, '50s LPs, etc. It's still one of my favorite music stores in the upper midwest. </no lie>

JP personally knows Esaaal who personally knows tgfm who personally knows PC who personally knows JP but everybody now knows that the dash in Jim_Pridx is where the word gullible used to go.

<no lie> Sorry Jim, couldn't resist<no lie>

While RK has a fair amount of dash in him, he doesn't care a fig about Nate, Willie, Esaaal, jp or regularity.

tgfm is a very caring and sensitive man and therefore the biggest chick magnet in Culver City. Mike is the envy of everyone here except for possibly PC.

Mike is the envy of everyone here except for possibly PC.

This is because PC is madly in love with RK. She especially loves his handle(s). However, RK isn't aware of this yet.

Jim has handles because he is actually a little tea pot,quite short and very stout. The stout being a favored beverage and never a short glass to be sure.

eyerish has taken advantage of the Arizona firearms carry laws but because it's so hot in his home state he finds it difficult to hide his arsenal. So far he's perfected the carry of an 8 3/8" barreled 44 magnum, a pair of 45 autos, a Franchi shotgun, a crossbow, and a collection of Bowie knives wearing only cowboy boots, cutoff jeans, and a tank top. His neighbors all say "That is one sneaky boy".

RK likes to put on his boots and cutoffs and a crop-top and head over to the Agave Tequila, where he sips a Blue Star and says stuff like:

True perfection seems imperfect, yet it is perfectly itself.

The Master has no will of his own.

Amazingly, this usually draws a crowd who start buying him beers.

tgfmike has come to the conclusion that if toothpaste will remove water rings from furniture, Lemon Pledge should really clean and whiten his teeth.

<<<NO LIE>>> I just wanted to take a moment and send out a bravo and well done to the liars who have been exceptionally funny of late. I've found myself in LOL land on several occasions. Kudos to you all.<<<NO LIE>>>

And mike, it was not a crop top. It was more of a man halter. And I can't help it if I know how to draw a crowd.:razz::razz:

And now back to the work at hand......Jackstraw once mistook a tube of Preparation H for toothpaste. He found very difficult to sing his parts that evening but ended up with an extraordinary amount of groupie action as so many of the young ladies thought he was giving them the kissy face.

And mike, it was not a crop top. It was more of a man halter.
Oh, that weekend.

I got confused between RK's usual routine and the weekend he debuted his new line of man halters in turquoise, magenta and crimson velvet. I hesitated to mention it, since it was not a great weekend for him, as you can imagine.

tgfmike ,as a session musician in London from 59' to 69', played every instrument on every Beatles album.

Being from Southern New Jersey JackStraw has heard his fair share of redneck jokes.

Road King can't believe that The Beatles covered "Act Naturally" but not this Johnny Russell hit song. He has started a petition to have it declared Texas' official Summer Song.

4N3iVHxP8FQ&feature=related

eyerish has taken advantage of the Arizona firearms carry laws but because it's so hot in his home state he finds it difficult to hide his arsenal. So far he's perfected the carry of an 8 3/8" barreled 44 magnum, a pair of 45 autos, a Franchi shotgun, a crossbow, and a collection of Bowie knives wearing only cowboy boots, cutoff jeans, and a tank top. His neighbors all say "That is one sneaky boy".

<no lie> Now I thought these were supposed to be lies we're tellin'? It is very helpful to my cause that I walk funny even without bristlin' with firearms<no lie>

CHEZ avoids acting naturally as that is what most often gets him committed to the institution. of course he makes an understood exception for the drag nationals when they come to town (no I don't mean the ones with fast cars either)

<no lie> yeah eyerish!! haha I knew it man.<no lie>

eyerish secretly roots for the indians in all the John Wayne movies.He says they have cool clothes.

<no lie> yeah eyerish!! haha I knew it man.<no lie>

eyerish secretly roots for the indians in all the John Wayne movies.He says they have cool clothes.

<no lie> allright road king you are starting to spook me,get back to telling lies and stop spying on me.<no lie>

road king likes to watch the robin hood movies because he loves wearing green tights. although he does usually root for the sheriff being an establishment sort and he really likes the beard.

eyerish's recent vasectomy enabled him to perfect his John Wayne walk..."two birds with one round", as they say in Arizona.

RSG's favorite quote is "when shooting birds with a handgun, if you get tail feathers then increase your lead".

RK's favorite quote is:

The sensation of nameless terror and abject fear which I had in vain attempted to strive against overmastered me completely. My long fast--it was now close upon ten o'clock, and I had eaten nothing since tiffin on the previous day--combined with the violent and unnatural agitation of the ride had exhausted me, and I verily believe that, for a few minutes, I acted as one mad. I hurled myself against the pitiless sand-slope. I ran round the base of the crater, blaspheming and praying by turns. I crawled out among the sedges of the river-front, only to be driven back each time in an agony of nervous dread by the rifle-bullets which cut up the sand round me--for I dared not face the death of a mad dog among that hideous crowd--and finally fell, spent and raving, at the curb of the well. No one had taken the slightest notice of an exhibition which makes me blush hotly even when I think of it now.

tgfmike ,as a session musician in London from 59' to 69', played every instrument on every Beatles album.
I also did Ringo's vocal on You're Sixteen.

mike is a member of the league of extraordinary posters.

mike is a member of the league of extraordinary posters.

...so is simonc, but for different reasons.

RSG is a secret member of Goldie Lookin' Chain. As he is their main songwriter, he set himself up for life with the writing and recording of "Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do."

Paddy thinks that Squier is a cockney slang term for a Fender.

Spiky is Goldilocks' fourth bear, forbearing further bears as forbears.


The only fenders Simon has ever got close to are the ones on his motor.

Moggl is a timelord. He knows that Doctor Who is completely fictional because the real Tardis has a flux capacitor and is shaped like a DeLorean.

spikypaddy has owl noises as his ring tone.

RSG 'owls noises for ring tones.

Moggl composes and records ringtones. After all, they can only be better than the Stewart Copeland ones that came on Blackberries a couple of years back!

Padder refers to his Blackberry as 'Bramble' despite his lack of a plausible Scottish accent.

Moggl's familiarity with Scots accents comes mainly from watching old episodes of Scottish police drama series "Taggart". As far he's concerned, the most Scottish thing anyone can say is, "There's been a murrrrrr-derrrrrr!"

spiky is an expert on brogues,or maybe he just likes loud purring

Eyerish has a shoe fetish - brogues are his particular favourites.

Spiky refers to his neighbors as "surfs". He prefers to mow his lawn wearing a cape and crown and calls his Hyundai, a "noble steed".

Esaaal is a world champion pilot. At the international paper plane flying championships, he attained the longest flight. His tactics are a little controversial - apparently they don't approve of planes made of A0 paper dropped out of cruising 747s.

spikypaddy is a world champion yo-er. He'd like to be a world champion yoyo-er, but he hasn't got the hang of making it come back up yet. Keep trying.

<No lie> Having a job definately has some drawbacks. Like being away from the TDPRI for a day and missing 4 pages of lies.</No Lie>

HMcF's job involves distributing cesium-137 as a potassium substitute.

rsg is an amateur chemist. His real job is being a Bob Marley impersonator.

RK's pastime is to wander around looking at people and murmuring, "What a piece of work."

TGFM likes to go to Museums on kid's days and quietly say "look at that, it's from the Leipsig School of Impressionists" to see if they will catch the humor. Most do laugh. However, it's not as fun for him as when he first started, after all they're just kids and easily fooled.

TUTM is on the a national "no-fly" list for museums. He has been kicked out of so many for his habit of fondling the statues. It's just a cold marble thing...

When hman was put on a no-fly list, he sewed up the front of all his jeans.

tutm thinks Leipsig School of Impresssionism is funny because he knows Impressionism is actually the first chapter of part 3 of How to Win Friends & Influence People.

tgfm had a good thing going back in the late 60's and early 70's as the "Culver City Madman". He wore a loincloth and played a banjo. Things were going great until that nit from Detroit stole his act.

RK bought a Johnny Wesimuller autographed loincloth from a guy behind the K-mart.

In the summer months Esaaal lives in a tree just like Tarzan. He wears boxer shorts as a concession to modesty and lands on neighbours patios at the end of a long rope,usually at the most inopportune times.
Unlike Tarzan he does not shave or comb his hair and by the end of July is looking decidedly scruffy. This year a mosquito plague has resulted in red welts all over his puny body but he persists in his hope that someday a Jane will come.
His most annoying habit is beating his narrow chest at dawn and letting forth his battle cry ...Eeesaa..aa..aa..aaal. His Nana wishes he would just come inside.

His Nana wishes he would just come inside.

LOL!

Chezdex enjoys cruising his local Craigslist and uses the search word "cool".

Esaaal, after years of dedicated practise; even at the expense of his music, succeeded at mimicing a perfect Tarzan call. Every Jane within 100 miles showed up the first time he did it. There were also a few Chimps and a couple Elephants. He is still not allowed in the zoo or the Ringling Bros. Circus.

BTW: TGFM - I flunked out of the Dale Carnagie Institute.

<no lie> We had a barter ad in Craigslist Houston today (now deleted). The person said " Will trade co-worker for a case of beer. The guy is brainless and is an ass". :lol:<no lie\>

Tutm was recently, nearly bartered for a case of beer. The trading partner was miffed because Tutm was "not as described" and was actually a pretty nice guy.

Once perfecting his Tarzan call Esaaal bought himself a loin cloth and set out for Hollywood.

He didn't get far before he was arrested for indecent exposure.

GitHead thinks Tarzan is over-rated. He's more a George of the Jungle type of guy.

HoodieMcF actually does voice overs for the Tarzan cartoon series. for the apes, of course

hman knows about Hoodie because they are always in the sound studio together - hman is the voice for Jane.

<no lie> We had a barter ad in Craigslist Houston today (now deleted). The person said " Will trade co-worker for a case of beer. The guy is brainless and is an ass". :lol:<no lie\>
Seems like if we're going to take the coworker we should get the case of beer.

Mike preferred Johnny Weissmuller in the role of Jungle Jim.

Someone should tell Mike that while the safari jacket he has taken to wearing has a certain crushed elegance,the pith helmet is silly. I couldn't tell him as I don't want to hurt his feelings but,really,someone should.

Whenever someone asks chez who he thinks is the manliest man ever, he flips open his wallet and shows 'em this:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_k4__zh4GdZA/TCQn2KQkqyI/AAAAAAAABZg/Vd2jl22IGow/s1600/Clint_Walker.jpg

Mike failed to land the part of Skipper because he can't shoot straight.

ShU-vbwtb3o&NR=1

CheezDelux is changing his screen name to "Epic Threads" so he can pretend that the Epic Threads forum is all about him.

PC is all about Epic Threads. Mostly from yard sales and re-sale shops, but she feels the older look best suits her new anti-runway lifestyle. She however absolutely refuses to adopt the 30's "You Jane" look despite the recent Tarzan following on TDPRI.

Tutm just sold his Leisure Suit collection. He got 40 bucks and a disco ball for it.

Esaaal spent $ 35,000 to buy back all of the negatives of pics taken during his 70's Lime Green Leisure Suit Tour. TGFMike has yet to come forth with his demands regarding Esaaal's photo documented 1980's Lingerie In Motion phase...

Penny's signature claims that she "started here with just one little fib," but it led to another, and to another, and to another. Now that many months have passed since she told her "one little fib," she's now considering the notion of changing her signature to "I'm a professional liar, dammit! What's your excuse?"

Jim has a propensity to drool while lying...Mrs pridx is forced to wash his pillowcases daily and insists he dons a fib-bib as soon as he gets out of bed.

rsg has honed his lying to a point of exquisite, almost painful beauty. Thankfully he tones it down when posting to this thread.

tgfm has devised a polite way to ask his noisy neighbours to tone it down during their frequent late-night shenanigans, "gimme more bass", he shouts.

In his "toned down" versions of lying on this thread, one can never refute RSG's real intentions. His next-door neighbors, for example, continually complain of his overly loud guitar playing throughout the night. In addition, he's been known to toss flaming speaker cabinets (literally on fire) out into RSG's courtyard while laughing it off and saying, "that's just rock & roll, dudes! Get over it!" Still, he's now wondering why he's being evicted from his so-called "man-cave."

Jim Pridx is a big fan of BB King and Eric Clapton's "Riding With The King" album. However, he still wonders why, on the title track, BB would have left home at age 10 with a cut throat razor - unless he was an early starter. And where on earth did he get hold of a heart made of gold? That would have cost a pretty penny...

Sounds like BB should be posting in here, too.

Paddy contributed the " where's the party officer" line to the hit single by big audio dynamite - the globe.

Simon tried inventing his own "Big Audio Dynamite". After several attempts he was left with a smoking car, a pile of rubble where his house used to stand, an outstanding warrant for his arrest and some very angry neighbours. He did, however, prove that dynamite has the potential to make some big audio...

Local authorities are perplexed upon finding half of the turf of the 7th fairway at the Thurlestone Golf Club missing. spiky is under suspicion as he's been bragging in all the pubs that he'''s "going green", "off the grid" and has a 12'x74' stack of neatly rolled sod behind the carport.

JS often answers that classic question when Police stop him for speeding with; "In my garage and its my Tele's that's on fire son". He rarely gets off with a warning.

Whenever tutm is stopped by the Police, he always says, "Man! I loved your Ghost in the Machine album!" This often results in tutm getting off with just a warning.

Speaking of ghosts, TGFM's favourite film of all time is the 80's Patrick Swayze classic. That pottery scene chokes him up every time.

spiky's favorite ghost film is 13 Ghosts from 1960. He still has the red cellophane glasses, which he only wore once, for about 20 seconds.

tgfmike is constantly hearing people say "there's gold in them thar hills" but he can't seem to find the Themthar hills on his gps.

JackStraw claims he found the place where FMIC disposes of all the Factory Second instruments. He will tell anyone who listens to him about it.

The authorities have noted his apparent fascination with a pile of hardwood mulch at South Jersey Garden Center, and are keeping that business under observation.

PC labels all her recorded material "Live at Budokan".

Esaaal labels all of his recordings 'Half-dead in Harrisburg'.


tgfmike is constantly hearing people say "there's gold in them thar hills" but he can't seem to find the Themthar hills on his gps.
Found it (http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Thars+Gold+in+Them+Thar+Hills+Historical+Marker, +Townsend,+MT&sll=46.430285,-111.665039&sspn=5.292782,7.042236&ie=UTF8&hq=Thars+Gold+in+Them+Thar+Hills+Historical+Marker&hnear=Thars+Gold+in+Them+Thar+Hills+Historical+Mar ker,+Townsend,+Broadwater,+Montana+59644&ll=46.426972,-111.609163&spn=2.552024,3.521118&z=8&pw=2).

TGFM thinks Budokan is the new hot sushi bar in Santa Monica

hollowman thinks Santa Monica is Santa Claus's first cousin. He figures if he finds her, he meets the man.

TUTM breeds Santa Gertrudis. No Bull...

yr-LJGQaAiA

The animated version of 'Little Chez Deluxe Kicks Zombie Butt':
http://images.yuku.com/image/gif/f4e361ca40f2415437bc71346e5725028f1e8517.gif

tgfm won the Culver City Butt Kicking Championship 2009...not as much of an achievement as you might think though, since a.) he bribed a buttock-augmented friend to be his "target", b.) there were only two entrants in the contest and c.) the guy who came second only had one leg.

rsg came in second at the recent All-Wales Jibber-Jabber Jawoff with the following entry. He got low points for originality, but straight 10.0s for his recitation:

Eht Aidepolcycnu-si-na-aidepolcycne-lluf-fo-noitamrofnisim-dna-rettu-seil yhpospolihp fo Aidepolycnu si tsuj os gnilaeppa. Ohw nac tsiser eht enilanerda hsur fo yllacidoirep gnisol ruoy stide eud ot 'oot ynam snoitcennoc ot eht esabatad'? Ekimnlli sah edam a suoires tnemtimmoc ot eht noitacidare fo ssensuoires.

The winner came up with this:

Slinger swallows beneath a super vicar. How will slinger fail outside telecaster? Telecaster traces slinger. A nuisance crashs into a virtual electronics over every mechanic. The goal coughs! The typewriter stamps next to the diagnostic fan. Will boys dedicate the president? The backbone forks boys. Why won't toga stamp? A greed counts with the conditional reflex.

In a cultural exchange, rsg is going to march and play tenor banjo with the Fraillenger String Band in Philadelphia's New Years day parade. Being new and expecting a major case of nerves, rsg has requested their first number be "Golden Slippers", a tune he knows well. Philly sent something or someone in exchange for rsg's performance but it's unclear at this time who or what it was.

In his own "jibber-jabber" cultural event, Jack entered the "Cultural Cowboy Love Talk Fest" just last week in Paris, Texas. He won the event with this entry:

Totus I've umquam volo eram futurus a cowboy quod lascivio per cowgirls. Ut vox : cowgirls! Forsit est , illic pulvis plures cowgirls in Novus Joizy. Sic , EGO reperio quot puella ut EGO can ut pose ut cowgirls mihi , tamen damno , EGO have ut persolvo lemma plures pupa iustus efficio is. It's vere fio talis eptheca ut EGO may have video vidi visum a shrink valde , valde nunc. Dum I'm certus is isn't quicumque maximus ut plures vestrum it's etiam nice communico meus sententia per liars in plebis. Is est haud recubo , meus amicitia. EGO have jibber jabber quod cowgirls in meus mens dies secundum dies per haud solamen palam. Sic , illic vos have is.

Oprah has just chosen jim's translation of Appian's "The Civil Wars" for her booklist. As Oprah says,"For the events between 133 BC and 70 BC he is the only continuous source. His narrative flows with the eternal pace of the Tiber. Mr. Pridx's elegant translation is a pageturner."

JackStraw has entered the Guiness Book of World Records for jumping over Oprah's fully opened mouth on a miniature tricycle............my apologies to all the Oprah fans.

JackStraw once misheard when someone told him to watch Oprah for book recommendations. He ended up with Opera, the open source web browser, open on his PC and stared at the Google - his home page - for over two weeks solid. Boring though it was, he found it a life changing experience and now feels a strange zen calm everytime he sees the Google logo.

JackStraw has entered the Guiness Book of World Records for jumping over Oprah's fully opened mouth on a miniature tricycle [...]

JackStraw's first three attempts are documented thusly:

8LwtJFULFGU

As for SpikyPaddy, all text-generation script servers appear to be currently busy and unable to accept new requests. To celebrate, SpikyPadde vandalized the Wikipedia jibber-jabber page.

PC sometimes thinks the expression 'pish tosh' is a little too jibberly and other times she thinks it is too jabberish. Mostly she says balderdash to such gobbledygook.

'Boulder! Oh, dash it,' said Mike when he visited Colorado.

tgfm's poppycock is directly related to the consistency of his stools, which also superintends his Dutch-oven capabilities.

Mike is so enamored by culver citys " the heart of screenland" moniker, that he spends as much time as possible in front of his screen, posting on the tdpri.

Mike was responsible for the "nifotc" acronym coming into being.

Moggl, rsg and simon attempted to synchronize their watches last weekend, but they couldn't agree on what day it was.

Mke has concluded that he's about a few hours behind our European liars, and even further behind our Australian liars. Still, his watch will never correspond with anyone's time, for he's forgotten to replace his dead battery. For the first time in his life, he's in awe of the fact that time finally seems to be standing still......:grin:

Not many people know this but the famous clock tower in London was named after JP's great great uncle......Big Ben_Pridx

road king only recently learned Big Ben is a clock. Prior to that he thought it was just some randy british euphemism for ...well you know,or maybe it was a typo

<No lie>Mke has concluded that he's about a few hours behind our European liars, and even further behind our Australian liars. Still, his watch will never correspond with anyone's time, for he's forgotten to replace his dead battery. For the first time in his life, he's in awe of the fact that time finally seems to be standing still......:grin:

Surely everyone else's watch would correspond at least twice a day - because Mike's watch is stopped, not destroyed? Or am I thinking about this too much?</no lie>

Eyerish like to move the time on his watch back several hours so that he can pretend to have time travelled. He can often be seen sneaking around and hiding in corners muttering "I can't see my past self, I could adversely affect history and cause a rift in the space-time continuum!"

Paddy is still the undisputed C64 boulder dash champion of the world.

whenever he enters the room he has an entourage of geeks shouting " the CHAMP is HERE!!!, the CHAMP is HERE!!!"

oeoWLB8ifYc

SimonC has such a supple wrist....

Esaaal has more than just a supple wrist - he's actually a gymnast and acrobat. He's been known to tie his limbs and body in knots.

spikypaddy has a subtle twist...every time he thinks no-one's looking.

rsg exasperates the owner of the local Chinese take away every time he places a phone order."No msg. Rsg doesnt like msg. msg is bad for rsg Name? rsg and don't forget about the msg. Did you forget? O k doe k then."

JS has started a TLA collection. Here's what he has for 'U':

UAA UAB UAC UAD UAE UAF UAG UAH UAI UAJ UAK UAL UAM
UAN UAO UAP UAQ UAR UAS UAT UAU UAV UAW UAX UAY UAZ
UBA UBB UBC UBD UBE UBF UBG UBH UBI UBJ UBK UBL UBM
UBN UBO UBP UBQ UBR UBS UBT UBU UBV UBW UBX UBY UBZ
UCA UCB UCC UCD UCE UCF UCG UCH UCI UCJ UCK UCL UCM
UCN UCO UCP UCQ UCR UCS UCT UCU UCV UCW UCX UCY UCZ
UDA UDB UDC UDD UDE UDF UDG UDH UDI UDJ UDK UDL UDM
UDN UDO UDP UDQ UDR UDS UDT UDU UDV UDW UDX UDY UDZ
UEA UEB UEC UED UEE UEF UEG UEH UEI UEJ UEK UEL UEM UEN
UEO UEP UEQ UER UES UET UEU UEV UEW UEX UEY UEZ
UFA UFB UFC UFD UFE UFF UFG UFH UFI UFJ UFK UFL UFM UFN
UFO UFP UFQ UFR UFS UFT UFU UFV UFW UFX UFY UFZ
UGA UGB UGC UGD UGE UGF UGG UGH UGI UGJ UGK UGL UGM
UGN UGO UGP UGQ UGR UGS UGT UGU UGV UGW UGX UGY UGZ
UHA UHB UHC UHD UHE UHF UHG UHH UHI UHJ UHK UHL UHM UHN
UHO UHP UHQ UHR UHS UHT UHU UHV UHW UHX UHY UHZ
UIA UIB UIC UID UIE UIF UIG UIH UII UIJ UIK UIL UIM UIN UIO UIP
UIQ UIR UIS UIT UIU UIV UIW UIX UIY UIZ
UJA UJB UJC UJD UJE UJF UJG UJH UJI UJJ UJK UJL UJM UJN UJO
UJP UJQ UJR UJS UJT UJU UJV UJW UJX UJY UJZ
UKA UKB UKC UKD UKE UKF UKG UKH UKI UKJ UKK UKL UKM UKN
UKO UKP UKQ UKR UKS UKT UKU UKV UKW UKX UKY UKZ
ULA ULB ULC ULD ULE ULF ULG ULH ULI ULJ ULK ULL ULM ULN
ULO ULP ULQ ULR ULS ULT ULU ULV ULW ULX ULY ULZ
UMA UMB UMC UMD UME UMF UMG UMH UMI UMJ UMK UML UMM
UMN UMO UMP UMQ UMR UMS UMT UMU UMV UMW UMX UMY UMZ
UNA UNB UNC UND UNE UNF UNG UNH UNI UNJ UNK UNL UNM UNN
UNO UNP UNQ UNR UNS UNT UNU UNV UNW UNX UNY UNZ
UOA UOB UOC UOD UOE UOF UOG UOH UOI UOJ UOK UOL UOM UON
UOO UOP UOQ UOR UOS UOT UOU UOV UOW UOX UOY UOZ
UPA UPB UPC UPD UPE UPF UPG UPH UPI UPJ UPK UPL UPM UPN UPO
UPP UPQ UPR UPS UPT UPU UPV UPW UPX UPY UPZ
UQA UQB UQC UQD UQE UQF UQG UQH UQI UQJ UQK UQL UQM UQN
UQO UQP UQQ UQR UQS UQT UQU UQV UQW UQX UQY UQZ
URA URB URC URD URE URF URG URH URI URJ URK URL URM URN URO
URP URQ URR URS URT URU URV URW URX URY URZ
USA USB USC USD USE USF USG USH USI USJ USK USL USM USN
USO USP USQ USR USS UST USU USV USW USX USY USZ
UTA UTB UTC UTD UTE UTF UTG UTH UTI UTJ UTK UTL UTM UTN
UTO UTP UTQ UTR UTS UTT UTU UTV UTW UTX UTY UTZ
UUA UUB UUC UUD UUE UUF UUG UUH UUI UUJ UUK UUL UUM UUN
UUO UUP UUQ UUR UUS UUT UUU UUV UUW UUX UUY UUZ
UVA UVB UVC UVD UVE UVF UVG UVH UVI UVJ UVK UVL UVM UVN
UVO UVP UVQ UVR UVS UVT UVU UVV UVW UVX UVY UVZ
UWA UWB UWC UWD UWE UWF UWG UWH UWI UWJ UWK UWL
UWM UWN UWO UWP UWQ UWR UWS UWT UWU UWV UWW UWX UWY UWZ
UXA UXB UXC UXD UXE UXF UXG UXH UXI UXJ UXK UXL UXM UXN UXO
UXP UXQ UXR UXS UXT UXU UXV UXW UXX UXY UXZ
UYA UYB UYC UYD UYE UYF UYG UYH UYI UYJ UYK UYL UYM UYN
UYO UYP UYQ UYR UYS UYT UYU UYV UYW UYX UYY UYZ
UZA UZB UZC UZD UZE UZF UZG UZH UZI UZJ UZK UZL UZM UZN
UZO UZP UZQ UZR UZS UZT UZU UZV UZW UZX UZY UZZ

tgfm likes to write poety in "Base U",

Esaaal is not as well known for his poetry as he is for his original Gregorian Chants. They've gotten especially good since he bought the harmonizing plug-in for Pro-tools.

TUTM has decoded TLAMike's coded message. TUTM's experience with decoding messages happens to be classified. Suffice it to say that TUTM has reported his discovery to the authorities, and will post the cleartext to his new TDPRI forum, Epic Threats.

Penny still sleeps with her childhood blankie. But a few years ago it go so tattered that she decided to preserve it by coating the remains with red ToolDip. now it resembles a writhing mass of earthworms, but she still finds it strangely comforting.

"Strangely comforting" is the phrase hollowman hears most often on dates, followed by frenzied screaming, running, and layers of apologies the next day. Remember, hollow, Telecasters only say what you want them to, and you can hold them for hours without squirming. TGFMike is preparing a top ten list of why a Tele is better than a girlfriend. Follow his lead and take heed.

PC helped tgfm with 5 of his 10 reasons that a tele is better than a girlfriend based mostly on her own experiences. The first five involve:

1. G strings
2. Frets and / or fretting
3. Slim waists
4. Stiff necks
5. Get them "tuned up"

Esaaal agrees that a tele is definitely better than a girlfriend, even without a list. Especially since he hasn't had a girlfriend in recent memory.

Holloman was often heard singing to his soon to be ex-girlfriends

What in all of heaven could've promted her to go,
After such a triumph as the ball?
What could've depressed her;
What could've possessed her?
I cannot understand the wretch at all.

Why can't a woman be more like a tele?
Tele's are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like Leo instead?
Why can't a woman take after a Tele?
Tele's are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would a tele be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?

Would a tele be livid if I had a drink or two?

Would a tele be wounded if I never sent it flowers?

Well, why can't a woman be like a tele?
One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
and by and large Tele's are a marvelous axe!

Cause tele's are so friendly, good natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for a gig, would a tele bellow?

If I forgot the day I bought it, would it fuss?

Would a tele complain if I played a strat?

Well, why can't a woman be like that?

tutm agrees with Captain Beefheart when he poses the question," Maybe you had a girl like that?Always threatnin' to go down to Norlins' and get herself lost and found."

Here's how JS likes his beef hearts (the instant coffee makes all the difference) -

Ingredients:
3 pounds Beef Heart
6 tablespoons Flour
1 teaspoon Cumin; ground
Salt
Pepper
Oil
3/4 cup Dry red wine; or less
1 1/2 cup Water
2 medium Onions; chopped
2 Celery stalks; chopped
4 Carrots; clean, sliced
2 large Potatoes; large cubes
1 medium Turnip; cubed
1 package Lima Beans; frozen
3 Beef Buillon cubes
1 1/2 teaspoon Instant Coffee granules
Dijon Mustard
Pepper
Tabasco

Cut heart into 3/4" cubes.

Rinse several times with cold water, drain and dry cubes. Add flour, salt, pepper and cumin to plastic bag and drop in meat cubes. Shake vigorously to coat meat. Shake off excess flour and saute meat in moderately hot skillet.

Place browned pieces in slow cooker. Add wine to warm skillet to deglaze, add to slow cooker. Add water. Saute onions and celery and add to slow cooker. Add carrots, potatoes, turnip, beans, beef base, coffee granules, mustard and Tabasco to slow cooker.

Cover and cook for 6 hours on low. Stir with spatula several times while cooking. If needed, thicken liquid with beurre manie.

serves 10

JackStraw like Long-neck Bottles, and a Big Head on his Beer.

<no lie>Clear Spot/Spotlight Kid are two albums [but one CD] that inspire my slide playing. (I'm soon to complete a PartsTele specifically set up for slide: StewMac elevated nut, oversize polepiece Tele bridge p'up, Esquire guard, maple neck, cherry sunburst body with white binding, Ernie Ball Not Even Slinky 12's)</no lie>

TGFMike says, "it looks just like a fine, big beef heart!"

PC likes green alligators and long necked geese.

TGFMike removes the alligators from his Lacoste golf shirts. He could have spared himself the trouble, and simply bought the IZOD ones. Of course, he could have gone to the limit and did his clothes shopping on the FMIC apparel page, or even Marshalls (for last season's Fender-branded attire)

Say, I noticed that this thread has morphed into "make up a lie about the poster above you and link it in some way to a preceding lie"

That surely beats making up stand-alone ones. Good on you all, Liars.

PC used her MS in Telecommunications (U Maryland, 2002) to start a Tele Behavior Training service. Too much or too little twang? Icepick treble? Low output? Muddy? Just have Penny give that tele a good talking to.

That surely beats making up stand-alone ones.
<no lie>No lie! Too bad I ran out of alligator ideas.</no lie>

TGFM is the original instigator of the giant alligator in the Los Angeles sewers. He did it so his kids would not make those paper boats and sail them in the street drains. Now his kids won't even drive in the right lane. He is thinking about enrolling them in PC's behavioral training Institute. I'm told she calls it Pavlov's Kid Outreach.

<no lie> Like the new direction as well. I must admit I didn't know how to get a recipe in as well.<no lie\>

TUTM never drives his new Silverado anywhere except in the overtaking lane.

He loves being the centre of attention as he travels at 15mph and has a traffic jam stretching 3/4 of a mile behind him. He has been featured on KTRK-TV 19 times in the last month alone.

Mike and TUTM spent many years looking down their noses at people with little alligators on their shirts. They of course wore the fine shirts that sported the legless frog on the scoot board. They knew it was from the lampoon magazine and loved to tell people in their over the top boston accent that were from HAHHVAHHD DAHHLING.

They also can't help but to laugh like little school girls blushing to high heaven whenever they hear the term "Humpty back Camels"

Eyerish used to wince whenever someone in the audience requested the Unicorn, because that meant he would have to act out the entire list of animals mentioned, in pantomime.
Big deal. I used to be forced to play the pennywhistle, because of my name! I should have signed with the Clancy Brothers, and played my electric mandolin.

Whenever PC is down at the El Dorado and they ask her to play Anach Cuain on her pennywhistle, please, please, please, she always gives in and then has to do Oft In The Stilly Night as an encore. Then she quietly goes home, puts on her Fender Rock-On t-shirt and plays The Rakes of Mallow on her mandolin while crying crocodile tears.

Every night before going to bed, Mike fetches his ESP Kirk Hammet Signature model and plays 'Enter Sandman' at 11 to his panicking neighbourhood. They still haven't found him out, after all, he's such an agreeable fellow in daytime and their minds can't seem to connect the dots.

They still haven't found him out, after all, he's such an agreeable fellow in daytime and their minds can't seem to connect the dots.

Funny thing is, Moggl portrays such an image in his neighborhood, too. However, Moggl's thing is that he takes drives out in the German countryside in the middle of the night to catch hedgehogs, then he releases them in his neigborhood upon returning to the city. While it remains a total mystery to all of his neighbors as well as the police department as to how hundreds upon hundreds of hedgehogs arrive there, Moggl finds a great deal of joy in having the last laugh.

Jim, on the other hand, takes a different approach. During the day he's quite boorish to all of his neighbors, chucking stones at them, calling them bad names, and making foul noises whilst their backs are turned. At night however, he manicures their lawns by hand and tidies up anything found to be in disarray.

WX1 WISHES he had neighbours. He works as a fire lookout in the Southern California wilderness and spends many a lonely stretch making foul noises which he blames on his diet.

Quote from an unimpeachable internet source "Working in a fire lookout tower in the middle of a wilderness area takes a hardy type of person, one who can work with no supervision, and is able to survive for days, weeks, or months without any other human interaction. Some towers are accessible by automobile, but others are so remote a lookout must hike in, or be lifted in by helicopter. In many locations, even modern fire lookout towers do not have electricity or running water. Lookouts are known for their imaginative recipes in creating their meals."

WX1 has a publishing deal in the offing on his recipe book tentatively titled "101 ways with Jerky and Cheez Whiz"

Liars can place an advance order through his Wisconsin agent on this thread.

Chezdeluxe wishes he was Fezdeluxe and would actually prefer a nice cod (hat optional) to a girlfriend.

Fezdeluxe and Chezdeluxe are actually twin brothers separated at birth. They eventually became a Tele duo known as "Chezzy & Fezzy," but at some point in time they parted ways. Perhaps they can fill us in on the "real story."

JP used to be a Tele duo - playing one guitar with his feet and one in the generally accepted style. However, one night an audience member noticed the CD player on stage with Jim and the fact that his "playing" was out of time with the music. Since that night, Jim has refrained from venturing out in public with any guitar.

Originally posted by PennyCentury; <no lie>Clear Spot/Spotlight Kid are two albums [but one CD] that inspire my slide playing. (I'm soon to complete a PartsTele specifically set up for slide: StewMac elevated nut, oversize polepiece Tele bridge p'up, Esquire guard, maple neck, cherry sunburst body with white binding, Ernie Ball Not Even Slinky 12's)</no lie>

< no lie> Nice. What tuning or tunings are you using? Metal slide? <no lie>

spiky wants everyone to be named deluxe as he thinks each and every person is special. Please refer to spiky as Tresdeluxe in all further correspondence.