Totally disgusted with being in a band???

[trag-o-caster]

Does any of y'all feel like that a lot of times? I know that I sure do, after all of the shenanigans I've had to endure from irresponsible bandmembers.

I was going to seriously persue a solo acoustic career, and leave electric bands behind for awhile, but then my friends oldies band had a big falling out, which left them without a lead player. I got called in to keep it going, and put my plans on the back burner (yet again). Now keep in mind that I've been jamming with these guys for a few years now every Sunday night. It was fun then. The very minute that I become a bonafide member that all changes. No fun no more. Without going into detail, I've seen these guys getting involved with all sorts of "illegalities", and what not. They're not there for the music. They're there for the party. There were times that we'd play a 30 minute set, and these guys would leave the bandstand, jump in their car, and not come back for over 45 minutes, leaving me to get yelled at by an irate club owner.

I am now having serious problems with the bassist (who is the OTHER sober one in the band, besides myself). I'm just so weary of it all. I do believe it's time to go back to my previous plan, and go solo acoustic.

I'll still pick up a Tele and find a good jam night somewhere. I just don't want to be responsible for the actions of an entire band worths of loonies again.

OK. Sorry. Vent over.

[trag-o-caster]

Good Lord!!!

I thought I was in the Bad Dog Cafe - I forgot I was in the amp section.

I need to step away from the computer and go to bed.

Sheesh!

[zook]

I got very tired of the grind a while ago and took a 15 year rest. I was sober at the time and was tired of drunks. I started playing in the 60s so I had quite a few years into oit at the time. When I decided to reenter the music business about seven years ago (I'm 18 days older than Eric Clapton) I had a much better perspective on what I would endure. We have a trio right now, playing classic rock. I also do Country, whick I like .

This July, if I make it, I will celebrate 30 years of sobriety. Amazing!

I posted something here once that belonged in the Bad Dog.

Winnie

[zombywoof]

Originally Posted by zook

I got very tired of the grind a while ago and took a 15 year rest. I was sober at the time and was tired of drunks. I started playing in the 60s so I had quite a few years into oit at the time.

First congrats on the thirty years of sobriety. Very, very cool. Much the same here, started in the mid-60s kept at it till the late 70s and then took a long break (remember that one drunk guy who seemed to show up at every gig - ya know the one - sat in the back and continually yelled play some Skynrd).

Then found my way just backing solo blues and gut level folk singers on both electric and acoustic. Most were happy to have a bit a variety in their gigs. Now I just sit in with a loose collection of musicians who play from time to time. I have settled into playing in open tuning so just get on stage a few times in the evening. Virtually no pressure and music has become fun again.

[ricos]

Although it may seem cold .........when I get to that point I have always quit. I had too much of all that when I was trying to make a living from music. Even now a friend wants me to join his cover band. They have gigs and sound real good as well. Having recently stopped playing out I am just not that motavated to give him a commitment. He has already told me about these other guys problems and it always goes the same way.Playing solo is a tough gig unless you are really a solo performer.
Years ago I had dinner with John Hammond Jr. I asked why he did not use a band. At that time he said it was to much to deal with egos and the rest of other peoples problems.


Rico

[Tim Armstrong]

Originally Posted by zombywoof

First congrats on the thirty years of sobriety. Very, very cool. Much the same here, started in the mid-60s kept at it till the late 70s and then took a long break (remember that one drunk guy who seemed to show up at every gig - ya know the one - sat in the back and continually yelled play some Skynrd).

Thanks a lot! Without you to entertain him, he apparently moved here to the beach, where we're his favorite band!

:(

Cheers, Tim

[Dana]

I felt like that recently. I was tired of dealing with unrealistic club owners, stupid patrons, issues with bandmembers, etc.

But then I got to thinking; to me being a musician means dealing with the bad times as well as the good. While I prefer the good times, it's usually the band times that teach me the most about dealing with life, people, etc. So, I keep going. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it stinks.

[Scotland]

I started up this band over 8 years ago and have done everything ever since. The rest of the band are like lost sheep now, they have no one to tell them what to do, when to play, when not to play, what to say, what not to say, how to set up the p.a., how to take it down etc. etc.
Man am I relieved to be out of it. :D

[GoldGTR]

(Hate to keep this going in the wrong area, but I just can't resist......)

In addition to the ups & downs, do any of you others worry about "other" things, like health problems? I have been playing for 15+ years (man, I'm getting old...) and my latest twisted obsession is worrying about lung or throat cancer from screaming for 4+ hours in a smoky bar. Anyone else worry about that? I'm not a smoker, so it's really tough some times in a small club w/ no ventilation. I know that it's hit&miss and nonsmokers get it too, but I just hate to think that I'm increasing my chances...

Also, when the little ones look up at me on my way out and say, "Dad, you gotta go play AGAIN?" - that just hits me hard. Anyone else experience this and did you quit for a while? Did you just lower your gig frequency?

I'm reading the posts of you older guys and wondering if I'm precisely at the point where you quit 15-odd years ago.

Ahhh...the woes of a music-man. But just think, we get to see "that guy" yelling FREE BIRD! at you every weekend. Makes it all worth it...errr.... :?

[Marky D.]

I was a weekend warrior from about 18yrs old up till a year or so ago (I'm 45 now). During that time I smoked a little, had a few beers, sometimes more than a few. I tried to keep in shape, working out 3-5 days a week. I always thought I was in good shape for my age. Then last summer I found out I had severe coronary artery disease and had a triple bypass. Boy, did that curb my desire to hang out in smokey bars..!

Anyway, in each band, I was the driver, the perfectionist who obsessed about getting everything right (PA, song selection, performance). After the "wakeup call", I'm just happy to be alive & sucking air. Though I'm not in a band right now, I can say I'm enjoying my music hobby more than ever. I'll probably be involved w/ a group again, but my days of hauling equipment at 3:00 a.m. are over.

Cool thread, even if in the wrong forum..

[Scott S]

Originally Posted by GoldGTR

I have been playing for 15+ years (man, I'm getting old...) and my latest twisted obsession is worrying about lung or throat cancer from screaming for 4+ hours in a smoky bar. Anyone else worry about that? I'm not a smoker, so it's really tough some times in a small club w/ no ventilation. I know that it's hit&miss and nonsmokers get it too, but I just hate to think that I'm increasing my chances...

At the risk of getting political, there's an increased risk with secondhand smoke, but how *much* hasn't really been proven. In the oft-cited EPA report from 1994, the increased risk was estimated at something like 20%. Well, if your chances were tiny to begin with, it'll be tiny + 20% of tiny... ;)

Still, I don't fault anyone for not wanting to be in smoky places. I'm glad there are more and more restaurants/bars doing it voluntarily.

Anyways, enough about that...

[tdu]

My current band never really broke up, but we got so sick of each other we haven't gigged in over a year. I still am freinds with the bass player, but if I never talked to the drummer again I wouldn't be upset about it. There are a million reasons why we got sick of each other and playing.

I have thought about trying to get another project going. In the last band I was the one who had to do ALL the work though, and the thought of being in that position again makes me ill.

I totally know what you are saying. Music was 'my vacation', and it ended up stressing me out beyond belief,

[mojohen]

Speaking of the "illegalities"....
Ok, so years ago, I imbibed quite a bit...Those days are over by a long shot.. I have quite a few beers, but that's about it.. Now, I've been off the "band thang" from age 22 to age 31.. Work, kids, house, no time... But got back into it, and got together with some old pals...
My drummer, who can play ANYTHING, and I mean everything, is a heavey pot-head, which is nothing compared to what he used to do.. (think Keith Richards)
The other guitarist "bumps up" often, and has some "prescribed" stuff.
I know where they're at, and that's fine.. But, when their "pals" show up at practice, I'm not too happy..
Our new bass player, who just got out of jail for posession, is the next to go.. (I already made that quite clear)
Sucky position to be in. We work well together, get in the groove, and just wail..Too bad all this other crap get's in the way..
But, we're all "sleazy musicians" aren't we?
I suppose it's all in "the game"...
Good luck!
mojohen 8)

[petebradt]

For me, it's a matter of wanting to be different from the average band, so that means choosing non-typical material. In my old band the other guitarist called them goober songs, because people didn't know them, but they had the same GROOVE as some "popular" song, so it was ok because folks danced.

But one thing I'll NEVER do again is babysit anyone. Learn your damn part, don't make me cue you every five minutes, don't ask me how the next verse of the song starts when I'm in the middle of a solo.

Finally, if they're not serious about it, if they're not on the same page business-wise, I'm out. Don't want to play many bars any more. I have enough ins at various local festivals we can be as busy as we want to be, playing bigger stages, not having to lug a PA, getting home in time to get to bed at a reasonable hour and in general, getting treated better than ANY bar owner will EVER treat us. If they have a house drum kit and seet of keyboards, more's the better.

I will play the occasional bar gig if we're not that busy, just to keep the show tight, but I'd rather play weekend fests, where I can use my Bassman and not have to have some dork telling me my Deluxe is too loud.

[moondoggie999]

Originally Posted by Dana

While I prefer the good times, it's usually the band times that teach me the most about dealing with life, people, etc.

Kinda like the Zed Lep song, Good Times..

"Good Times, Band times, you know I had my share...
When my woman left home for the blue man band you know I still don't seem to care"


Back on topic with Trag, you know what I came to really dislike about the kind of situation you describe, is that their lack of professionalism reflects back on you, that club owner who took his frustration out on you is gonna remember you the next time you come in with your new band looking for another gig, whenever that might be. "Oh yeah you were part of that band that disappeared half way thru the night... get the hell outta my bar, why should I hire you?"

[Scott S]

Snuff film!

[Slim]

Playing songs you hate for years because everyone else loves that song.

Being frustrated because no one will take to the song you've spent months forging, that you're certain is the next Great American Standard, surely to be covered by countless artists for years to come.

Work all day. Get off in time to load 1,000 lbs of equipment. Show up at six o'clock per request of the soundguy. Get into a fight with girlfriend during soundcheck because you're not spending enough time with her.

Hang out for three and a half hours.

Play for 6 people (4 relatives and 2 people from the drummer's work place). Load up in the rain. Wait for the bass player 30 minutes after the bar closes to get that girl's phone number. Get home at three-thirty a.m. Don't sleep because you're worried about the gear left in the van and because your girlfriend is letting you know one more time how much she can't stand the band.

Then you wake up, go to work and can't wait to do it all again.

It really is taking the good with the bad. And also learning to both stand up for certain things you think will work and knowing when to check the ego in at the door.

[trag-o-caster]

With me, in order to keep a band of good musicians going, I had to tote the whole PA alone (it's small, but still...), borrow a bass amp because the bassist doesn't own his own, and tote it to the venue, set it up so that all he has to do is walk in, pick it up, and play (and he was using MY bass as well!). I also had to cater to th ego of a magnificent sax/vocalist, who would often show up in the middle of the gig and expect to be paid for a full night - and would sit out during a lot of tunes anyway.

At the end of the night, I tear down, leaving the big stuff behind to pick up the next day. The drummer leaves his drums after promising the manager that he'd get them the next day. Three days later the manager is calling me up and cussing me out because the karaoke people can't set up because the DRUMS ARE STILL THERE! Now I have to drop everything and yank the drums out, put them all in my car, and take them back to MY HOUSE! :evil:

Throw in the fact that the drummer is ALWAYS at least 30 minutes late to any and EVERY gig. Sometimes he just doesn't show at all, and I do have a couple of backup reserve drummers who have bailed me out several times.

All this WITHOUT any mention of anyone's "nose candy" problem, which I ABSOLUTELY cannot tolerate. I can tolerate a lot in order to keep a gig going, but I cannot tolerate someone who's intoxicated to the point where they can no longer keep time, and then wants to cuss ME out for MY timing inconsistencies :evil: .

I don't mind if a responsible musician wants to "relax", and "unwind" before a gig. There's a BIG difference....

Anyhoo - I'm done now. I'll shutup and go back to my Ovation Tupperware model. Thank you.

[Freedom Fries]

...play in other people's bands. Or play in a duo...

cheers,
Drew

[woodman]

Trag, you're singing a familiar tune! i was going thru the same thing a few years back. i, too, backed away from it, but found solo work wasn't for me -- too lonesome up there!

but some time off made me realize that for decades, i'd been defining my self-worth as a musician, not as a human being. as a driven musician, you're only as good as the last song, and when the notes fade away, your life is empty til you can crank 'er up again.

i spent years on the road, wrecked a marriage, polluted my relationship with my kids, muddled my mind and ended up playing covers in a strip joint house band. that's when i decided to give it a rest and recover my humanity.

i remarried, went back to school and got a solid job (news editing). then i gradually eased back in, finding guys who were responsible but still crazy enough to want to play. and it helps that my main band now features my wife on vocals! we do what moves us (mostly roots-based material) and don't book the Skynyrd/Buffett joints. for the first time since the '70s, i'm enjoying it every time i play!

[kiwi blue]

I put out a solo album in 2004 and formed a band to promote it. Because of that I used my name as the band name (like the Dave Matthews Band, for example).

It's my band, my vision, and i'm the songwriter and frontman. So if there are any problems, I stay and they go!

I only work with musicians that I like as people, and i don't like egotists and attention seekers. In a smallish roots music scene in a medium sized city like mine, I know who most of those people are and I avoid them.

As bandleader I do have to sort out PA, bookings, and promotion, but then I'm promoting my own music and album sales, not just a covers band.

I've been lucky enough to gather together a bunch of fine players who take responsibility for their own gear, stay sober on the job, are reliable, behave professionally, and believe in my music. We are friends and we have a lot of fun in the process.

It helps that I have worked hard on my music and I'm now getting some respect from musicians for what I do, and therefore the better musicians are increasingly keen on playing with me and I don't have to hire plonkers.

I chose musicians who consistently deliver the goods musically, and the out of it party animals just don't deliver the goods on stage and in the studio, so that helps to weed them out.

One bandmember is teetotal (for health reasons), another may as well be, and the third is fairly moderate.

I'm the least sober one in the band and even I make sure I leave my bad habits for AFTER the gig. I'll drink a little during the gig, but no more than one beer per set - just enough to loosen up a little without getting sloppy or over the limit for driving home afterwards.

I used to only play socially, so music WAS a party then and alcohol etc was always part of it. But since getting more serious about my music, recording, and performing more gigs, I stopped doing that, because it was holding back the music, not improving it.

New Zealand has now banned smoking in bars and retaurants, so gulping in great lungfuls of cigarette smoke is no longer an issue. I won't get into the wider politics of smoking bans - but it does make singing a lot easier.

Finally, songwriting is my focus and the reason I play gigs. I play 75% originals, and I know most of the venues in town, so I only play where the audience will be receptive to originals. But then I have a day job, so I can afford to turn down the sort of gigs where the audience only wants covers.

I'm lucky with my band i suppose, and things will no doubt change, but also i planned it that way to some extent. I have experienced or seen a lot of the hassles and idiotic behaviour that everyone has been describing and I'd rather just stay home with my guitar than put up with that garbage any more.

[Paul in Colorado]

Everyone's stories make me feel blessed. We've had the same line up for ten years. We call it the "marriage of five." We've had our ups and downs but we're like a family. We still like each other and look forward to playing together. Three of us play with other bands, so we have other creative outlets, but the core remains strong.

[reverbbb]

Trag:

I saw that you mentioned "getting paid". Are you handling the money? Until I saw that, I didn't think that you were the head guy. Let's assume that you are for a moment. You could piss everyone off by taking control of the situation, meaning holding out their pay. But you would need to be very clear on your intensions, reasons why and a schedule of when the garnishment of wages would start. I'm sure that a few of them would be pissed and declair 'this ain't fun any more'.

On the othere hand, if you are not the head guy, then you have three options. 1) Outright quit and move on. 2) Threaten to quit, but work with them on a plan to improve their behaviors, again with a schedule and clear goals. 3) Ignore their complacency and be a servant to their short-comings.

The problem with plan 2, is that it is going to create a lot of maintainence and diligence from everyone. If they aren't willing to turn this around themselves, then all you are doing is delaying the inevitable break up. We all know that we musicians are creatures of habit. The bandmates may change for a month or two, but they are sure to go back to their old way