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. . . .it wasn't about the guitar at all. . . .
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It never is. Education is very expensive sometimes. This whole scenario happened to me also in a slightly different way (acoustic guitars and folk music). Regardless of how I tried to reassure her that she meant the world to me, she just refused to see that, in fact, she was indeed more important than the music or the guitars. Eventually, her worst fears came to fruition and the guitars and the music actually DID become more important than her. But not until after I'd given up a career in music. It was every bit about control. . . .and I loved her too much to see it. A man can be so incredibly stupid. I've figured out my portion of the blame and resolved to correct the behavior - it's possible for people to give too much of themselves and lose their identity.
You must understand that you bear some of the blame for the demise of your marriage. Other than being a horse-s h i t judge of women, figuring out exactly what your portion of the blame actually is will be difficult. The important thing is that you eventually recognize at least some of what YOU did wrong before getting serious with another woman. Behavioral patterns tend to move in big, recurring circles unless you short-circuit the conduit.
Thanks for sharing your misery with the world. That takes guts. Hopefully, you've taken enough courage from these posts to learn and to understand that you're not alone.
Good luck to ya.