OK guys here's the sonnet. It's my first attempt on a sonnet and thus my first attempt in writing in iambic pentameter (which was real hard at first but I think I got the hang of it now haha). Please feel free to give it some honest critique. I'm thick skinned so it is all good. I just want to learn how improve my writing as I'm some what of a perfectionist.
"Stranger with my heart"
She stood in whiteness stained of pure amore
With hair that falls gentle as night's embrace
Over what vex the moon that glowing face
And all the sparkles of youth I concur
Oh hills she staidly boasts! The derrière!
Neath legs of gold and frost finer than much
Holds marble pose should all revere untouched
Oh hair that casts my trail! For warmth it'd fare!
By me is passion's bridge her drawn out hand
Such hand had touched and filled my longing heart
Indeed we spoke her breath like Siren's brand
Oh fair than gifts of yore yet glimpse and thwart
How shortly my own heart is beauty's gain
Alas gone heart and fading thought remains
July 8, 2012
Last edited by danieljaypark; July 10th, 2012 at 03:01 AM.