your list of frustrations covers ALL the reasons why i pretty much quit the full band thing and started doing a duo many years ago, using a Solton drum/bass/rhythym unit.
the advice to "get" help FOR an alcoholic usually goes absolutely NOwhere. an alcoholic cannot/will not be helped until THEY themselves hit their bottom and seek the help on their own. they have to go TO the help, not have it SENT to them.
hope it works out for you and especially hope your friend becomes able to face his problem and seeks the help which IS out there.