[gtrman911]

You may have seen some of these before......


A singer arrived at his band's rehersal space to find the bassist and the drummer rolling around on the floor, beating the living crap out of each other. The singer managed to separate them and asked: "What the holy hell is going on here?"

The bassist sputtered, "That S.O.B. played a trick on me! I hate pranks!"

"What did he do?", asked the singer?

"He detuned one of the strings on my bass!"

"And...?", asked the singer.

"That bastard won't tell me which one!"

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What's black, crispy and hangs from the ceiling?


A drummer changing a light bulb.

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How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

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How do you break a drummer's finger?

Punch him in the nose.
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A banjo player went to a Folk Festival, taking his banjo, hoping to jam. When he arrived in the car park he got nervous, and left the banjo on the back seat and went off in search of entertainment.
Around lunchtime, he'd met some other guys who
said they'd let him sit in with them so he went back to his car to get the banjo.
As he walked towards the car he could see the rear window was smashed, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he walked over and looked in, to find,



……..four more banjos!

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Our bassist once left his car keys in the car... it took him three hours to get the drummer out.

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A drummer, fed up with being ribbed about being a non musician, walks into the local music store, and says "I want to learn to play a musical instrument, but I donn't know what". The store owner says for him to have a look around and get some ideas.
Two hours later, the store owner sees the drummer, looking confused, and asks him how he's getting on.
"Well, I can't make up my mind between the White Accordian, and the Red Trumpet" says the drummer, the store owner replies, "Well son, I can do you a good deal on the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where is is!"

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What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?



A pizza can feed a family of three.


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what do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?

"a homeless person"


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A man goes on a trip to the jungle, with a native guide. It's a very wild, non-civilized place.

As they make their way along the trail, these drums start up off in the distance. Startled, the man nervously asks, "What's that??"

The guide answers: "Drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad."

They continue on, with the jungle drums throbbing in the distance. The man is visibly upset, he's thinking about cannibals at this point.


Are you sure everything's alright?", he asks the guide.

"Oh yes--drums play, that good. Drums stop, that bad."

A few hours later, the man is about to lose his mind from hearing these drums. Just then, they suddenly stop!

The guide stops in his tracks, slowly shaking his head, frowning.

The man says "What?! What?! You said if the drums stop, that's bad!! Now's what's gonna happen??"

The guide says: "Bass solo."

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BB King was due home from the road on his anniversary so for a surprise his wife had his initials tatooed on her arse, one B on each cheek.

When BB opens the front door, she bends over and lifts her skirt, yelling "surprise".

BB says "Who da heck is BoB?

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Whats the difference between a Cello and a Viola????



A Cello burns slower.....

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"Why don't drummers tell jokestiming."

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Difference between a dead snake on the road and a 'bone player: The snake was on his way to a gig

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Definition of optimism: Trombone player with a pager

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What does it mean when the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?


The stage is level.