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Master Volume JMP Marshalls (the ones from '76 and after), a Les Paul ('70s-ish, if possible), and a TON of misadvised compression (likely in post, not before the board). Man, I dig Thin Lizzy and Queen's Brian May's (though a Vox and a Rangemaster was his recipe) smashed/compressed guitar tones!
'80s Metal? '90s Grunge, Blues rock, or Alternative (GnR, Black Crows, Soundgarden, etc)? A Marshall JCM800... perhaps a few whacky vintage fuzzes, maybe an obscure overdrive, some illegal substances, and a producer for SubPop with a giant ego that could crush a steamroller.
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I constantly have to remind myself I'm a grownup and it's just the internet.
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