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Much here, my brother. Plenty of good advice, including talking with your pastor. If you don't already, spend some time praying through the situation and hurt with your wife - she probably needs that from you.
If you serve from a need to feed your ego instead of fulfilling a sense of calling you'll know - I feel like a prostitute when I do that, and it really grieves my heart badly. Heck, it just plain hurts.
Finding where and how to serve can be tough sometimes, esp. in a small, closed body of believers. I've been going to our fellowship around 5 years and have just recently had a chance to play as we have a wealth of musicians. I have, however, been serving behind the mixing console faithfully. I like to think my job is to remove technical impediments to people's worship (including team/band members).
My heart breaks for you and your wife. Keep seeking, keep knocking, keep asking....
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Packin' a Tele, lookin' fer trouble....
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