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Just yesterday, or the day before, I read one of your posts and wondered how you were doing since then. Looks like you're doing o.k. Don't be shy about grieving as long as you need to. The sixth anniversary of my dad's passing is coming up and I still feel the loss; less keenly, maybe, but still there. And it's the same with the loss of an infant son 32 years ago, I always get blind-sided when that date arrives.
I share these things, not so anybody feels bad for me, but only to say that I understand. Four years is not a long time still to be grieving this loss. God bless.
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What we lack in expertise we make up for in enthusiasm.
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