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Congrats!
Your daughter is due on my birthday, if she arrives on time. Way to go, cusp baby!
My dude is 2 and I'm 43, so I can relate to the late to the party thing. In a lot of ways I think that's a good thing. Because raising a child is difficult. I think a bit of maturity is not a bad thing here. Rewarding? Yes. But difficult too. Well, in your words, exciting and terrifying. Both. Yes and yes!!
Things change. Your relationship will change. It has to - there's less time. A lot less time. For anything external to work, sleep (ha ha), eating and feeding, and doting on the new gal in your life. (oh, and laundry. Unbelievable amounts of laundry from someone so small.) Especially for the first few months. Life doesn't stop, but the focus changes. You might suddenly notice that you haven't watched tv for a few weeks. you didn't miss it - you didn't have time. (Actually, the first few months before the kid is really mobile is easier for travel, restaurants and the like than the few months following). So go out and have a meal, bring the kid - hopefully she'll sleep through most of it. When she's crawling she won't!
The first few weeks are exhausting beyond words. Well, they were for us - some parents I've talked to breezed through it. You never know. For us, it was all encompassing, total- I don't know what else to say. Sleep deprivation to the nth degree. But, you get through it - and, your experience may well be totally different from ours.
But then, gradually, your daughter will sleep more regularly, you'll get into the groove as parents, and you'll start to etch out a little time. Both as individual mom and dads, and together as a couple. honestly, in the first year, it will be hard to do that - but you and your wife will need to. Time management - and the sharing of child-rearing duties to allow yourselves some time to pursue your own endeavors, will be paramount. Just don't expect a lot of time. Also finding time together as a couple (ie - good babysitters are important) is also key.
I hope this isn't sounding too negative - i don't mean it to, because it really is a great thing you're doing. But I don't want to sugarcoat it either - the first few months will likely be intense. But, we also know some folks that had way easier babies than our dude. Peoples experiences (and expectations) vary wildly.
Today, me and the dude played guitar for about half an hour. I fingered the chords and he took the pick and strummed. That guitar is loud he said. Well, he's almost two and a half now. It's taken most of that time for him to get to the point where he isn't frightened of the sound of the guitar, likes it, but now also understands that if he picks the strings he has some input into the sound it produces. Ok, I didn't play a whole lot for the last couple years, but I'm going to have a big influence on somebody who might be our next generation of musician. That's a pretty cool role to play.
So, you asked about giving up part of your identity. - Nah, you'll still be you. You will have less time - I mean way less time for the idle pursuits of your youth. But you've been there, done that. Time for new challenges, and to focus on what's important. And like most parents, you quickly find that's your daughter. And you'll find ways to put a little bit of your personality into your daughter's way of thinking. Maybe even subliminally. Often subliminally. just by being you.
You see, after she enters your world, your identity actually expanded rather than contracted.
Cheers,
Geoff
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